Retro Horror: 10 V/H/S Covers That Ruined Our Childhoods
Gen Z will never understand the horror, trauma, and excitement of browsing the horror movie section of a video store back in the 80s and 90s. As mom was bothering the girl at the counter, we were at the very back—not too far from the porno—staring up in awe at the dedicated wall of horror VHS covers.
Sure we talked a big game with our friends and siblings, but when push came to shove, it took real courage to turn over that empty cassette case to see what horrors lurked on the other side… While the scariest box art never added up to the scariest movie, the trauma of investigating some of that retro horror artwork left a permanent stain on our collective psyches.
It’s time to get triggered. We’ve assembled ten of the ooiest, gooiest, wildest, and overall most disturbing VHS covers from the 80s and 90s. Do you dare take a stroll?
SLUGS (1987)
They slime. They ooze. And they kill. Sounds like the majority of my exes. Slugs would be absolutely lost to the unforgiving sands of time if it weren’t for this nasty box art. I’m not convinced anyone has actually rented this —although it’s available on Amazon— but this artwork deserves to be preserved at the MOMA. And that melted face on the back cover is still too much. Thank you New World Video for completely ruining my childhood with this one.
ZOMBIE (1979)
Unlike the previous entry, Zombie is a true-blue classic. Lucio Fulci’s walking-dead shocker was promoted as an unofficial sequel to Romero’s Dawn of the Dead. Gotta love a stunt. Speaking of stunts, that shark vs. zombie moment is an absurd slide of cinema history that will never be forgotten. While the majority of films on this list can’t stack up to the quality of their poster art, that can’t be said about Zombie. The art above is the British rerelease cover, although the alternative tagline “We are going to eat you!” is unmatched.
CHOPPING MALL (1986)
Chopping Mall sucks. There, I said it. It’s a prime example of a VHS box that is about a thousand times better than the actual movie itself. But I’m not complaining. Or, maybe I am? Imagine if there was actually a movie about brutal, humanoid robots scouring the mall after hours to chop up intruders? Chopping Mall is a film begging for a reboot. While one has been in development for years, I’m not convinced it’s ever going to happen.
WAXWORK (1988)
Billed as a horror-comedy, 1988’s Waxwork features one of the best cover art in the history of pulp horror. This strange outing stars Zach Galligan as a young college student who visits a mysterious wax museum with a group of his buds. The cover art here boasts some truly surreal late-80s strangeness. So what are you waiting for? Stop on by and give the afterlife a try… You can catch Zach Galligan in Dread’s latest horrific release Bad Candy.
THE COMPANY OF WOLVES (1984)
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH THIS COVER ART? The Company of Wolves dropped onto shelves back in 1984. This film is nowhere near as scary as this out-of-control cover art. But we stan. Directed by Neil Jordan and starring THE Angela Lansbury, this British gothic fantasy went hard on its USA VHS packaging. Werewolves beware, this artwork showcases one grisly transformation. The Company of Wolves is always brought up when I discuss classic VHS covers and it’s pretty clear why.
BLOOD BEACH (1981)
Blood Beach is one silly as all hell post-Jaws horror moment from 1981 starring David Huffman and John Saxon. The original tagline read “Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water—you can’t get to it.” Bit of a mouthful. This cassette is just plain bizarre, which might add to why it made so many youngsters uncomfortable at the sight of it alone.
One of the scariest things about Blood Beach is actually a real-life event. Star of the film David Huffman was the victim of a senseless murder in 1985. A young teen stabbed him in the chest with a screwdriver while he was waiting for a rehearsal. Definitely a true crime story worth investigating. It was even featured on an episode of Crime Stoppers. Huffman was 39.
DEAD ALIVE (1992)
Dead Alive (known as Braindead outside of North America) is a twisted, out-of-control, and truly disgusting masterpiece by a young Peter Jackson. Before ruling Middle-Earth, Jackson was the King of Gore, largely in part to Dead Alive! Unlike the majority of titles on this list, Dead Alive is just as debaucherous as the cover art implies. Get ready to lose your lunch; this sucker is truly one of the goriest films ever made.
THE MUTILATOR (1984)
This one was a mandatory addition. The Mutilator (originally titled Fall Break) came out in 1984 and nobody really cared. Until the VHS release, that is. It’s unfortunate how gratuitously this artwork portrays women but I’d be lying if it wasn’t a permanent stain on my childhood mind. There are variations of the artwork featuring a blonde woman, but the classic tagline has never changed. By sword, by pick, by axe, bye-bye. Genius copywriting. Five stars.
NIGHT OF THE DEMONS 2 (1994)
The world still hasn’t recovered after the 1994 release of Night of the Demons 2. Angela is back to party and she’s won’t let you RSVP no. There’s just something about her face on this cover that gives me the oooh-ahhh-ahhh sensation. I can’t stare at this one for too long. Subsequently, a third film was released in 1997.
MONKEY SHINES (1988)
Why are toy monkies so scary? The cover for Monkey Shines has always made me extremely uncomfortable. This George A. Romero joint is a lot more thoughtful than it’s usually given credit. There’s a cover for Stephen King’s short story collection Skeleton Crew that evokes similar energy and I can’t handle it. No more antique toy monkies, James Wan. Enough is enough.
Lastly, what did you think? I’d say these account for the ten freakiest VHS covers that ruined my childhood. And if I had to guess, I’d say they have something to do with your current state of mental health, too.
Listen, no one’s is perfect, and I’m sure I missed plenty of excellent choices. So get on Twitter and tell me which ones I missed. Hit me up via @joshkorngut. I’m always down to talk retro horror.
Categorized:Editorials Lists News
