Battleship Teaser Trailer Fires Its First Warning Shot

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The prospect of a mega budget alien invasion flick based on the game Battleship has been the source of endless mockery ever since the project was announced. According to Nikki Finke, director Peter Berg has been hoping that all the scorn would end once people got their first look at footage from the film. Umm… Nope!

The premise of a naval crew on training exercises forced to rely on old fashioned Master & Commander-style tactics in battling seafaring alien invaders doesn’t sound too awful. But then when you consider the movie only exists as a means to sell the name brand of a board game that doesn’t even have anything to do with aliens, the cast includes the likes of swimsuit model Brooklyn Decker and singer Rihanna, Universal spent upwards of $200 million making it, and then they release this hysterical teaser trailer that plays like a FunnyOrDie.com parody…

I’m not 100% convinced that this movie is even real. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if when people go to see this film next May instead of Battleship they’re merely treated to a pre-taped message of Ashton Kutcher informing everyone in the theater they’ve just fallen for the most elaborate punking of all time.

Taylor Kitsch of “Friday Night Lights” stars alongside “True Blood” vampire Alexander Skarsgård and Liam Neeson as the ship’s admiral who, sadly, is not named Admiral Paycheck. Judging by the design of the hopping alien vessel seen in this teaser trailer, it’s nice to know Starscream and Megatron have been lucky enough to find work outside of Transformers movies.

The good news for Peter Berg and the folks at Universal who have foolishly gambled a king’s ransom on Battleship is that if the movie they’ve made turns out to be highly entertaining, then their triumph over all the negative buzz leading to its release will make this the greatest come from behind triumph since that time the Washington Generals actually beat the Harlem Globetrotters.

Battleship Teaser Trailer Fires Its First Warning Shot

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  • Masked Slasher

    Referring to this as a Funny or Die version of a movie trailer is pretty much spot on.

    I couldn’t believe my eyes as I watched that trailer.

    • Foywonder

      From what I’ve read online, everyone who has read the script seems to agree that it is astoundingly bad. This has epic cinematic train wreck written all over it.

  • TigerClaw

    Even if its based on the board game, I love alien invasion movies either way, This has the potential to be a fun summer popcorn movie. If you noticed in the trailer, The things the alien ship hits the Battleship looks like the pegs from the board game.

  • Vanvance1

    This one seems pretty damn far from a horror film.

    • Foywonder

      Thank you for pointing that out, Terminal #2.

      • Vanvance1

        You’re very welcome.

        I’ll even do you the pleasure of elaborating.

        When DC covers blockbuster, mainstream movies that are far removed from the horror genre it feels like advertising.

        If the movie was being directed by a horror luminary it would be interesting because of how it slots into his creative history. If the movie was inspired by a horror franchise but the tone was changed to suit a mainstream audience it would be worth covering just to share that information.

        If the movie is inspired by a board game (a gobsmackingly stupid trend) that has no connection with horror in any way, shape or form I have to ask: Why cover it on a horror site?

        Calling me Terminal 2 may count as an insult in your mind. What it means to me is that other people are also willing to call a spade a spade even if those statements aren’t popular with the staff.

        • Uncle Creepy

          Ummm … we cover alien invasion flicks all the time. Battle LA. Skyline. And this premise is so fucking goofy it has Foy’s name all over it.

          Looking over what Foy had to say it looks like anything BUT advertising!

          • Vanvance1

            ‘Aliens’ in this movie is the equivalent of ‘vampires’ in Twilight. The tone of this movie will not approach horror in any way, shape or form.

            In the end this is an argument about where to draw the line, but content is what defines the site and non-horror content should still be singled out and pilloried.

          • Foywonder

            There is no argument. There is no line. There are only people with too much free time and not nearly enough to complain about.

          • Vanvance1

            Irony considering your status as resident SyFy film reviewer.

          • Foywonder


        • Foywonder

          “When DC covers blockbuster, mainstream movies that are far removed from the horror genre it feels like advertising.”

          So what you’re telling me here Mr. Spade is that you didn’t read the article before performing your civic duty?