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Editorial: I Love Part Twos – Part One

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DISCLAIMER: Help. Please help me. HELP. Never mind. That was a knee-jerk reaction to finally submitting this entry to you. See, I’ve been grappling with this article for months. Life interjected here and there, sure…but the real problem was realizing that I had bitten off much more than I could quickly chew. What was once a fun idea grew to Kongish proportions. Every day I would wake up and face the fact that, yes, I had more pages I had written – but where would it all end?

I refuse to share with you how many pages there are at this point, nor how many colleagues, friends and family I’ve forced to read this rambling beast out loud to me, in the hopes of finding some editorial light at the end of the funnel. As such, here is what I’ve decided to present to you for the time being. Please disregard all of the above and FOCUS.

Editorial: I Love Part Twos - Part One

A CONFESSION: I LOVE PART TWOS – PART ONE

Having just experienced Best Worst Movie for the first time, which reminded me of seeing Troll 2 in 1995 while attending my best friend’s sister’s slumber party, uninvited of course, I have Part Twos on the brain, and they aren’t going away. And I’ll tell ya what’s so great about first sequels – they’re sumptuously weird, like leftover pizza. The original idea is still there, still tasty in a pinch, but things done changed… A Part 2, Part II, 2 or II is usually chewier and/or coarser…depending on the crust. Some Chicago style sequels get mushy and mealy – the original ingredients have lost their kick from the cooling period, and have an objectionable mouth-feel and taste (Return of the Living Dead Part II). On the other hand, New York style sequels tend to become hard and concentrated, requiring a determined chew that tends to scrape the roof of a mouth (The Hills Have Eyes 2 ‘07). And that’s enough of that.

Nevertheless, just about anything Horrorific with a 2, II, Part 2, Part Two or Part II turns me on. In fact, that’s the rule for this entry – the films we’ll discuss here must have a Roman numeral or digit at the end of the title (since I found NO Part Twos in my collection – are there any out there?) Looking at my library, I count 24 of such creations (which I sought out and purchased – no unwanted gifts or review discs included):

Three from the 70’s
Two from the 90’s
Three from the 2000’s
And (drumroll) 16 from the 80’s

I’m assuming the reason for this figure is a combination of my age (29), my resulting taste in horror cinema and the marketability for creatures and killers.

Now consider this: every Top Ten Greatest Horror Films of All Time list that you’ve ever compiled or read? They all have sequels. I recognize that “all” is a strong word to use – I’m sure there are people who include Tentacles and Feed in their Top Tens. But those lost souls are not within the public majority I’m referring to. Without tonguing the internet for an example, I will now replicate a Top Ten List based on what I’ve seen on television, online and in print:

1. The Texas Chain Saw Massacre
2. Psycho
3. The Exorcist
4. Halloween
5. Night of the Living Dead
6. A Nightmare on Elm Street
7. The Blair Witch Project
8. Edge of the Axe
9. Rejuvenator
10. The Prey

As you can see, these films have all spawned sequels – but should they’ve? Imagine living in a world without sequels to any of these movies. CONSIDER what your emotions would be if the original filmmakers or anyone else stepped up NOT to deliver a remake, but a true Part 2, 2, Two or II. In this day and age, freakish hatred would equal anticipation. But back then, it was a cause for celebration: “Part Two is a go. Call everyone and bring beer – we’ve already got the champagne.”

Editorial: I Love Part Twos - Part One

But where to begin? Part Twos in general, I suppose (and let’s call them “Twos” from here on, unless someone has a better suggestion that’s easier on the eyes…). Typically horror, comedy and action films have Twos, but they’ve been known to slither into drama and musicals. Audience demand, profitability and critical success can only go so far, though. I can’t think of anyone with a decent heart and undamaged brain who yearns for an Apocalypse Now Part II, Pulp Fiction: Vol. 2 or A Clockwork Orange 2. But if they came to be, you’d watch ‘em, wouldn’t you? But some people have tried to capture that lightning in a bottle again, be they directors, writers, actors… Sometimes it works. Sometimes it almost works. Sometimes it’s like waking up with a scorching hangover, with only muddy realizations that some terrible fight that ended the night between you and a close friend, significant other or spouse – “why did we/they do that, and how could anyone let that happen?”

Editorial: I Love Part Twos - Part One

And that’s enough for tonight. More to come – in fact, far more than is necessary, should you want it. In the meantime, your thoughts are appreciated, because chances are I’ve overthought (not a word, I don’t think – overthought?) just about everything. Soundtracks, trailers, promo art…you name it. I really dug a ditch with this one, and I don’t see any way out any time soon.

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Chris Haberman

  • Uncle Creepy

    Out of every article we’ve ever run this is the last one we ever expected to be polarizing.

    Everything from “Well written fun” and “Just what I want on a horror site.” to “Poorly written crap” and “Incoherent gibberish”.

    Too funny.

    • PelusaMG

      You’re doing your job Creepy… getting people thinking and talking about the horror genre (well, at least talking about it)!

    • The Buz

      Thank God something finally over took the all too polarizing “Greatest Beards in Horror” list.

      Oh and I dug the shit out of this article.

  • Screamz

    I thought it was an overall good read, but – like with most ramblings – there are one or two incoherent lines. They did not detract from the rest of the article. I think it’s a very interesting article with some great points that I hope are expanded on in later posts. Looking forward to reading more…

  • LifeMi

    I honestly don’t have any problems with the writing, other than it feels incomplete, though that is probably due to the fact that there’s more to come. So, other than lacking a good ending, the article seemed well-written to me. Looking forward to part two :)

    • Chris Haberman

      Many thanks!

  • Chris Haberman

    Actually, let’s chat now about what comes next.

    The categories:

    SEX x 2: When sequels remember the skin as much as the blood.

    EFFECTS AFFECTS: What technological advances made certain Part Two’s so memorable, regardless of how great, good, bad or awful the story, acting or direction were.

    THE TERRIBLE TWO’s: The nasty ones that swagger in. “You thought the first one was bad? Wait’ll ya see THIS…”

    THE TERRIBLE TWO’s PART II: The disappointing ones. From Saturday Morning Horror (Return of the Living Dead Part II) to… We’ll get to that.

    What comes next, folks?

    • Vanvance1

      The Howling part 2… what a let down. Mind you it has Sybil Danning in a tight outfit and that did a lot for me way back when.

      • Chris Haberman

        An incoherent paragraph has already been written about that one. From the looks of things, I think you’ll get it though.

  • bitterman23

    Jesus, this is just incoherent gibberish. And since when is there a Rejuvenator Part Two?

    • Chris Haberman

      Thanks for reading the disclaimer first, Professor. Your notes have been documented and taken into consideration. And I was wondering how long it would take for someone to question those last three on the list.

      • Belial Bradley

        So what was the point of including the last three on the list for? As a joke?

        I understand this column is meant to be a series of ramblings, but I think for your Part 2 (or II or whatever) you should try and make your writing a little more structured – it will be less confusing for the audience and easier to read.

        I’m always interested in sequel discussions, just offering some constructive criticism.

        • Chris Haberman

          “You are talking about the nonsensical ravings of a lunatic mind.” Gene Wilder, Young Frankenstein

          A series of ramblings? How DARE you?

          Not to fear, my beloved colleagues. Now that I finally popped the top on this thing, much coherent fun will be had. Cross my heart. Thanks for the thoughts.

          You could call the last three on the list a joke, but I don’t think that’s what they were meant to be. Maybe it was my weird way of connecting to the fifth and sixth paragraphs, if you don’t count the lists – that “what if” factor… Or maybe I was just daydreaming about sequels to The Prey, Rejuvenator and Edge of the Axe.

          Maybe I’m just having fun. I hope as this funky little series continues, you guys do too.

      • Cinemascribe

        I read that disclaimer and although it does point out that the project got out of hand, it doesn’t really explain how such a poorly constructed article was allowed to be published on a site which – as a rule- showcases some excellent writing. The previous poster is right..this is fairly incoherent. I used to be employed full time as a staff writer for the local newspaper in my hometown. If I had submitted an article this disorganized during my run, it would have been back on my desk for a rewrite before the printer ink dried, possibly with a notation from my EIC conveying a sentiment along the lines of “Are you kidding me?”

        Forecast for the day: Cloudy with a chance of deteriorating journalistic standards.

        ______________________________________
        Do you wanna party? It’s PARTYTIME.

        • Uncle Creepy

          Honestly? I’ve read this piece and reread it and fail to see what’s so confusing or incoherent about the article. Was it the pizza thing? LOL I dunno, guys, I had a good time with it.

          Chris is a lovable ranting madman who loves this stuff with every fiber of his being, and puts a lot of himself into every editorial/retrospective he does. And yes, he’s been known to stir the pot in a very tongue in cheek way (ie: inserting fantasy sequels into a story about sequels) but really that’s just a device to have some fun and generate discussion. From the looks of things he’s succeeded.

          This article is the first in a series. Think of it as a preface to the beginning of a book. Whether or not you choose to read after page I is up to you.

          • Cinemascribe

            Hey, it’s your site it reflects on chief, so knock yourself out and publish all of the poorly written crap your heart desires.I choose the option of not reading past page one.
            _________________________________

            _
            Do you wanna party? It’s PARTYTIME.

    • Terminal

      I thought the article was well written and fun. Just what I want on a horror site. I usually like Haberman’s writing.
      ———-
      “We are bad guys. That means we’ve got more to do other than bullying companies. It’s fun to lead a bad man’s life.”

      • Chris Haberman

        Thank you, sir!

  • Masked Slasher

    Wait, what are the sequels to Edge of the Axe, Rejuvenator and The Prey?

  • Vanvance1

    Evil Dead 2
    Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2
    Phantasm 2

    I’d rather have a sequel over a remake/reimagining any day.

    • jkincer

      I agree with you Vanvance1, I would also add:

      Psycho 2
      Creepshow 2
      Hellraiser II

      Sequels for the win!

      • Chris Haberman

        LOL – those are all on the way plus much, much more. Thanks folks!

        • Pestilence

          Let’s also not forget Piranha II: The Spawning!

          Or rather, lets…

      • LifeMi

        Don’t forget Halloween II (1981) and, albeit for all the wrong reasons, Slumber Party Massacre II, which is probably my favorite bad horror sequel of all time.

      • PelusaMG

        Yeah, “Hellraiser 2″ is such a great film, and I think Dr. Channard is a much underrated screen villan!