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Early Art and Trailer: Kurt Angle’s River of Darkness

Okay, so Kurt Angle’s last movie End Game (review here) didn’t exactly score itself a clean pinfall victory with fans, but the man is at it again in River of Darkness, this time with Kevin Nash, Psycho Sid Vicious, and original Night of the Living Dead zombie Bill Hinzman in tow. Ready for some sales art and a trailer, or should we simply throw a packet of salt in your eyes?

Check out the latest material available now for Cannes including a new typo ridden synopsis, artwork, and more below courtesy of Spotlight Pictures!

Synopsis
When unspeakable evil falls on a quiet river town, Sheriff Logan is thrust into a chilling nightmare of death and mayhem. He is confronted with a series of horrific murders, each more viscous than the last, and soon learns of the community’s seedy past and the evil that has risen from purgatory to exact revenge on the town. When Sheriff Logan discovers that the murders are committed by the spirits of old river squatters, the Jacobs Boys, the town explodes into an battlefield of blazing guns and zombies.

Once The Jacobs Boys exact their punishing vengeance on the town it’s up to Sheriff Logan to unravel the shocking mystery of the past and slam the Boys back to hell.

In this all-out, heavy weight Smack-Down, featuring the stars of World Wrestling, there can only be one man standing.

Early Art and Trailer: Kurt Angle's River of Darkness

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13 Comments

  1. You always go above and beyond the call of duty to provide us with the latest information and synopses of these new movies. Thank you for taking the time to fill us in on all the details.

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  2. viscous!

    Ugh, me like World Wrestling. They big heroes. Very real, ugh!
    Me watch tv all the time ’cause not know when Big Wrestler Hero on. No time for bath, ugh!

    Hey assholes. I Saw No Evil and all I can say is get the hell out of my genre!

  3. What’s hilarious in that are is that they look like they caught Angle while going to the locker room, gave him a prop gun and took the picture hastily for the promo art.
    ———-
    “We are bad guys. That means we’ve got more to do other than bullying companies. It’s fun to lead a bad man’s life.”

  4. “He is confronted with a series of horrific murders, each more viscous than the last,”

    So each murder grows progressively thicker? What the fuck? I mean, one of their actors even has the stage name of Vicious, and they spelled it properly on the promo art. What…the…fuck…

  5. Flair should give the John Houseman speech ala the Fog for this masterpiece. Foy there may be ankle locks in this one.

  6. “Staring World Wrestling Superstars”

    Never a good sign when the promotional artwork has a glaring typo atop it.

    • They’re staring at us in the promo art. It makes sense to me.
      ———-
      “We are bad guys. That means we’ve got more to do other than bullying companies. It’s fun to lead a bad man’s life.”

      • Maybe the typo isn’t that “staring” is missing an “r”. Maybe it’s missing the “v”. Who the fuck else would let themselves be immortalized in a movie this bad other than “starving world wrestling superstars”. Maybe the promo is meant to be honest.Hey guys, we need the cash!! Sorry the movie sucks.
        ———————–
        SILENCE…..I KILL YOU!

        • Here’s what I’m wondering too: Is Angle standing IN the river, in front of the river, or on the river like Jesus?
          ———-
          “We are bad guys. That means we’ve got more to do other than bullying companies. It’s fun to lead a bad man’s life.”

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