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Elementary, My Dear Asylum

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Elementary, My Dear AsylumLater this year we’ll be getting the Guy Ritchie directed Sherlock Holmes with Robert Downey Jr. as a more caddish, bumbling, action-oriented world’s greatest detective than we’re used to seeing.. Opinions have already been quite mixed on this new action-comedy Hollywood take on the usually sophisticated and literate Sir Arthur Conan Doyle creation. What will the purists say when they find out The Asylum is getting into the Sherlock Holmes game?

Production has already begun on The Asylum’s Sherlock Holmes starring Gareth David-Lloyd of “Torchwood” and Dominic Keating of “Star Trek: Enterprise” with a January 27th, 2010 DVD release date already set for the film’s release. So what great mystery will The Asylum have Holmes unravel? Probably the mystery of how he went from being the world’s most famous detective to a Van Helsing-style monster fighter. At least that’s what the one sentence plot synopsis makes it sound like.

“Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s famous detective faces the ultimate challenge when enormous monsters attack London.”

Sherlock Holmes, monster slayer. Who wants another snooty Sherlock Holmes mystery when you can have him and Dr. Watson make like Buffy and Angel? Maybe they can take it a step further and have Holmes’ cocaine habit affect him in much the same way as Popeye’s spinach.

Better yet, if these enormous monsters are Godzilla-sized, have his pipe double as a Beta Capsule that can transform Holmes into a giant-sized “Ultra Sherlock” with three minutes to use his powers of deduction to outwit the monsters before London’s fog drains his powers. I’d be all over that.

I look forward to The Asylum eventually delving into Agatha Christie territory with their own version of Murder on the Orient Express. Spoiler: The Orient Express did it. The train was actually a killer Transmorpher in disguise.

The Foywonder

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Watch a City Come Together and a Monster Created in These Videos From The Sinking City

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I’ve been keeping a very close eye on Frogwares’ The Sinking City, which is a 3rd person horror adventure that takes place in a world that is as inspired by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes as it is by H.P. Lovecraft and his eldritch terrors. While still early in development, the team is beginning to share some pretty incredible things out of their offices (like these creepy statues) to keep the public up-to-date as well as show them just how much work goes into creating something so expansive and fascinating.

Today, I want to bring you a taste of the world that Frogwares is building through two videos. The first shows the process by which they created the actual city that the game takes place in. Obviously trying to hand create each and every building is a tedious process at best, nigh-well impossible task at its most realistic. Rather than attempt such a monumental undertaking, the team created a program that will build the city based on criteria that they set forth. It’s a very clever solution to a very real problem and the end result still feels like their personal touch is all over it.

The second video is a 3D time lapse of a monster as it goes from rough shape to a highly detailed, grotesquely designed monstrosity that is nothing short of nightmarish. It’s a chance to see how an artist creates something phenomenal from something so simple, each step adding a new layer of sickening, yet fascinating, macabre horror.

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Jim Carrey and The Grinch Go Beyond Whoville

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Dr. Suess’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas is a regular holiday staple in many households, including my own. The cartoon is just brilliant; and truth be told, the live action film captured a great deal of the magic infused within the original tale due in no small part to an electric and manic portrayal of the title character by Jim Carrey.

A new video has surfaced courtesy of Nerdist that’s a joyous play on the Netflix flick Jim & Andy: The Great Beyond – Featuring a Very Special, Contractually Obligated Mention of Tony Clifton. Check it out below. It’s SO worth your time.

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The Crucifixion Review – Should’ve Left This One Nailed to the Cross

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Starring Sophie Cookson, Corneliu Ulici, Ada Lupu

Directed by Xavier Gens


Claiming to be inspired by actual events, director Xavier Gens’ The Crucifixion forgoes the affecting shocks and awes, and instead beats its audience into the ground with a laundry-list of ho-hum dialogue and lesser-than-stellar instances…forget the priest, I need a friggin’ Red Bull.

A 2005 case is spotlighted, and it revolves around a psychotically damaged woman of the cloth (nun for all you laymen) who priests believed was inhabited by ol’ Satan himself. With one rogue priest in command who firmly believed that this was the work of something satanic, the nun was subject to a horrific exorcism in which she was chained to a cross and basically left to die, which ultimately resulted in the priest being stripped of his collar and rosary…how tragic. Enter an overzealous New York reporter (Cookson) who is intently focused upon traveling to Romania to get the scoop on the botched undertaking. After her arrival, the only point of view that seems to keep sticking with interviewees is that the man who sat close to the lord killed a helpless, innocent and stricken woman, that is until she meets up with another nun and a village priest – and their claims are of something much more sinister.

From there, the battle between good and evil rages…well, let me rephrase that: it doesn’t exactly “rage” – instead, it simmers but never boils. Unfortunately for those who came looking for some serious Father Karras action will more than likely be disappointed. The performances border on labored with cursory characters, and outside of some beautiful cinematography, this one failed to chew out of its five-point restraints.

I’d normally prattle on and on about this and that, just to keep my word limit at a bit of a stretch, but with this particular presentation, there just isn’t much to bore you all with (see what I just did there). Gens certainly had the right idea when constructing this film according to blueprints…but it’s like one of those pieces of Wal-Mart furniture that when you open the box, all you can find are the instructions that aren’t in your language – wing and a prayer…but we all know what prayers get you, don’t we, Father?

My advice to all who come seeking some hellacious activity – stick to The Exorcist and you’ll never be let down.

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Summary

The Crucifixion is one of those films that needs the help of the man above in order to raise its faith, but I think he might have been out to lunch when this one came around.

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