B-Sides: Is There a Phantom in the Mall?

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”Is there a phantom in the mall? Or just some retard in a broken hockey mask?” With lyrics like that there should be no doubt why The Vandals’ daffy Phantom of the Mall: Eric’s Revenge theme is one of the all-time great B-Sides.

I’m kind of surprised that no Hollywood producers have set about to remake Phantom of the Mall: Eric’s Revenge. A burn-scarred teenager presumed dead after his family was killed in a house fire lurks in the bowels of the new mega mall committing acts of terror against the mall owners that had his family killed in order to gain their property, and he protects his former girlfriend as she gets drawn into the conspiracy, at least until he gets insanely jealous of her making time with a potential new suitor. Remaking this 1989 movie for today’s tweener audience seems like a no-brainer to me.

But if such a remake were to happen, who could they possibly get to cover The Vandals’ preposterously rocking theme song?

The Wikipedia entry for the The Vandals describes the rock band’s style of music as follows:

They are well-known for their use of humor, preferring to use their music as a vehicle for entertainment and sarcasm rather than as a platform for more serious issues.

You don’t say?

Is there a Phantom in the Mall?
Folks are bound to ask.
Is he the Phantom of the Mall?
Or just some retard in a broken hockey mask?

Sadly, this wonderfully wacky theme appears to have never been released in any format except the closing credits of Phantom of the Mall: Eric’s Revenge, and the only video for the song I’ve been able to find on YouTube doesn’t boast any footage from the movie. Heck, if the movie was as much fun as its theme song, it probably would have been sequalized and/or remade already.

B-Sides: Is There a Phantom in the Mall?

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