B-Sides: In Dishonor of Edward and Bella’s Nuptials – All Eternity Blues

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With this being the weekend that the first half of the final installment in The Twilight Saga opens in theaters and the immortal love story of Edward and Bella culminates with marriage, rough sex, a half-breed baby, and infinity as vampire man and wife, it just seemed appropriate I pick a b-movie ditty titled “All Eternity Blues” about vampires wanting out of their centuries old marriage.

Monster Mash: The Movie (aka Frankenstein Sings) is a 1995 horror musical comedy based on a 1967 stage play titled I’m Sorry the Bridge is Out, You’ll Have to Spend the Night that was co-written by Bobby “Boris” Pickett, whom you no doubt recall as the singer immortalized by his smash hit “Monster Mash”.

The plot deals with a young couple on their way to a Halloween party who experience car trouble, forcing them to spend the night at a mansion belonging to Dr. Frankenstein (Pickett). Count Dracula (Broadway actor Anthony Crivello) and his estranged wife, the Countess (Superman II villainess Sarah Douglas), are amongst the various zany monstrous denizens of the mansion they encounter. Sucking the blood of these youngsters may very well be just the spark needed to put some life back into their unhappy marriage.

This subplot leads to the musical number “All Eternity Blues”, in which Dracula opines the mistake he made of taking a bride for all eternity as Mrs. Dracula lets her husband know that she’s fed up with his wandering fangs.

This tune just seems so appropriate at this time when moviegoers flock to see a handsome vampire make the grave mistake of marrying and vamping a moping wet blanket of a girl. Being married to Bella Swan, somehow I rather doubt it will take several hundred years to pass before a regretful Edward Cullen finds himself singing the “All Eternity Blues”.

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B-Sides: In Dishonor of Edward and Bella's Nuptials - All Eternity Blues

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