Ranking Every PLATINUM DUNES Horror Movie from Worst to Best
Mike Sprague
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Michael Bay’s Platinum Dunes was once the name in horror. Well, at least the name in horror remakes. But we still look back fondly on the (mostly) stagnant studio. So join us as we rank all 16 Platinum Dunes horror movies. Including two massacres, four purges, and enough nightmares, horrors, and hitchers to tied you over for life.
Check out the list below!
16. Ouija
Stiles White made his directorial debut with Ouija. He also penned the script with his The Possession co-scribe Juliet Snowden. Olivia Cooke (Bates Motel) stars as a teenager who unleashes spirits from an Ouija board. Plain and simple. Released in 2014, the film was a success, snagging over $100M on a $5M budget. But that doesn’t change the fact it’s a bad movie. Plain and simple. Thank God the sequel was better…
15. Songbird
Songbird is the most recent entry on the list. And that’s too bad. The COVID-19 thriller was conceived and shot DURING the pandemic, making it the first film to enter production following the shutdown. Riverdale‘s KJ Apa stars as a courier immune to the COVID-23 virus, who races against time to save Sofia Carson from a quarantine camp. COVID quarantine camps? Thank God THAT never happened. Craig Robinson co-stars with Bradley Whitford, Peter Stormare, Alexandra Daddario, and Demi Moore. Adam Mason directed and wrote with Simon Boyes. It hit P-VOD back in December.
14. The Unborn
Batman, Blade, and Man of Steel screenwriter David S. Goyer penned and directed The Unborn. Which is surprising. More surprising though is the killer cast including Gary Oldman, Meagan Good, James Remar, Idris Elba, and Carla Gugino. Odette Yustman (Cloverfield) stars as a young woman who is tormented by a dybbuk and seeks help from a rabbi played by Oldman (Bram Stoker’s Dracula). The dybbuk seeks to use Yustman’s death as a gateway to physical existence. Rogue Pictures (remember them, kids?) released the supernatural horror film back in January 2009.
13. Horsemen
Legendary music video director Jonas Åkerlund (Spun, Lords of Chaos, Polar) helmed this Dennis Quad psychological thriller. David Callaham penned the script. He’s also got a killer resume with films like Doom, The Expendables, Zombieland: Double Tap, and Wonder Woman 1984. Not to mention the upcoming tentpoles Mortal Kombat, Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings, and Sony’s Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse sequel. Should be a killer thriller, right? Not so much. I mean it’s not bad. Just cliched and predictable. Which is pretty bad. Zhang Ziyi co-starred in the film which followed Quaid’s distracted detective investigating a series of murders based on the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: War, Famine, Conquest, and Death. Skip it.
12. The First Purge
The First Purge is fittingly the first film of the series not directed by franchise creator James DeMonaco. That said, he still penned the script and produced it. So let’s not blame new director Gerard McMurray for this flick. Not that there’s really much “blame” to go around. The First Purge isn’t bad. Hell, at points it’s actually really good. But all said and done it’s just another Purge film. And considering it’s the fourth Purge movie, I think we all hoped for … a bit more. That said, it grossed over $137M worldwide making it the highest-grossing entry in the franchise. So what do I know?
11. The Hitcher
I dug the Platinum Dune remake of The Hitcher. There I said it. The 2007 version has one epic thing going for it – and it uses it to the max. And that one thing is Sean fucking Bean. I loved his turn as the villain here and think people need to give it another go. If only for Bean’s performance. And the shoot ’em up sequence set to NIN. That was pretty cool too. Dave Meyers directed the remake co-starring Sophia Bush.
10. The Purge
The first Purge – I mean the original Purge – gets a lot of flack. James DeMonaco’s home invasion thriller movie is really just, you know, a standard home invasion thriller. But that’s what makes it special. Yes, it was just another movie about masked maniacs trying to get into someone’s home. But with a clever twist that put the whole country in peril. It’s a good twist. One that managed to spawn a legacy. Not bad. Plus, you’ve got to love the cast lead by Ethan Hawke (Sinister) and Lena Headey.
09. The Amityville Horror
Truth be told, I don’t like The Amityville Horror remake very much. But I keep meaning to give it another go. Fans keep telling me it’s better than I remember. We’ll see. But its protectors did prove their point once. You see, I always argued that Ryan Reynold’s version was silly. Especially next to the utter classic of pure horror that is the original. So they told me to watch the original again. I did. And, boy, is that one silly-ass movie. Scary as all Hell. But silly as shit. I guess I never notice while watching between my fingers. Does the remake hold up better than the original? I’ll give them both a rewatch here as soon as I can and pass along my findings. Stay tuned.
08. The Purge: Election Year
Another Purge movie. This time it’s The Purge: Election Year. Written and directed by James DeMonaco, the flick is violent fun. What else is there to say? It’s the third installment in the franchise. If you dig one, you dig them all. But this one gets bonus points for keeping Frank Grillo (Captain America: The Winter Soldier) in the mix.
07. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning is not only a prequel but the sixth installment in the franchise. And it’s not bad considering. Sheldon Turner (Up in the Air) penned the script. That’s good. From a story he wrote with David J. Schow (Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III). Also good. Kim Henkel and Tobe Hooper co-produced. That’s really good! But Jonathan Liebesman (Darkness Falls, Wrath of the Titans,) directed. That’s not so good. New Line paid over $3M to keep the rights away from Dimension. Then TCM:TB only grossed half what the previous film did. I guess that’s why the series shifted hands again for Texas Chainsaw 3D.
06. The Purge: Anarchy
Yet another Purge flick. Better than the others? I’d say so. And I do.
05. A Nightmare on Elm Street
NOES (2010) ages better than expected. Hell, just read our article on why The Remake is Scary. Written by Wesley Strick (Arachnophobia) and Eric Heisserer (Arrival) the film at least tries to return Freddy to his roots in dark terror. Did it succeed? Well… the new make-up was, as Bane would say, “admirable… but mistaken.” But Jackie Earle Haley was a top-notch choice to take over for Robert Englund. So maybe the blames on first-time feature director Samuel Bayer – who never made another film since. But I don’t think so. I think it just missed the mark. Not as wide as some might say. But still missed. Bonus points go however to then-newcomer Rooney Mara (The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo). Despite negative reviews, it grossed over $115M worldwide, making it the second-biggest Nightmare on Elm Street film behind Freddy vs. Jason.
04. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
When I first sat down to write this list, I could’ve sworn Marcus Nispel’s 2003 remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre would have snagged #1. But that didn’t happen. Still, Platinum Dunes’ first movie holds a special place in my horror heart. I remember seeing it at midnight. And then staying for a screening of The Evil Dead afterward. It was one Hell of a night of horror for young-ish Mike. Written by Scott Kosar (The Crazies, The Amityville Horror, The Machinist), the remake sports a cool cast including Jessica Biel, Jonathan Tucker, Erica Leerhsen, Mike Vogel, Eric Balfour, and R. Lee Ermey. Plus it paid love to the legacy players. Hooper and Kim Henkel served as co-producers, Daniel Pearl returned as cinematographer, and John Larroquette reprised his opening narration. No wonder the neo-classic scored over $100M at the box office.
03. Ouija: Origin of Evil
What could beat The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003) at this game? Well, three other Platinum Dunes movies it turns out. The first being director-editor Mike Flanagan’s superior sequel Ouija: Origin of Evil. Mike Flanagan penned the prequel to the 2014 film with Jeff Howard (Oculus, Gerald’s Game, Before I Wake). And this potent family drama masquerading as a horror movie is all about the details. The cigarette burns. The devil’s in the details. Elizabeth Reaser (The Haunting of Hill House) stars with Annalise Basso (Oculus), Henry Thomas (Doctor Sleep), and breakout Lulu Wilson (Annabelle: Creation, Becky). In every possible way, Mike Flanagan’s Ouija: Origin of Evil is a vast improvement over the original. Other than the ham sandwich that is the title. But nothing’s perfect, right? Well, maybe Doctor Sleep.
02. A Quiet Place
I really struggled with where to put A Quiet Place on this list. Maybe it’s the hype. Or the more mainstream success of the flick that holds it back in my head. But whatever. All said and done A Quiet Place is 90% a fucking masterpiece of suspense. Hitchcock would be proud. And what makes it all the more impressive is John Krasinski. I love The Office. I’m one of those people who watch it every single night before bed. And Krasinski kills it as not only the dramatic lead of a horror movie but the director as well! Written by Bryan Woods, Scott Beck, and Krasinski, the film grossed over $340M worldwide and was also nominated for an Academy Award for Best Sound Editing. That’s impressive. But do you know what’s MORE impressive? Emily Blunt, Millicent Simmonds, and Noah Jupe’s performances. Send up the rocket and the fireworks!
01. Friday the 13th (2009)
Friday the 13th (2009) does the impossible. It’s a remake that sits tightly among the flicks that came before. All because it refuses to reinvent the wheel. Just put Jason in a hockey mask in the woods and let him kill kids. And that would have been enough. But the movie is so damn slick. Plus Derek Mears makes for a scary-ass Jason. Throw in a killer cast of young thespians (Jared Padalecki, Danielle Panabaker, Amanda Righetti, Julianna Guill) – and one of the most over-the-top sex scenes in slasherdom – and the twelfth installment in the long-running Friday the 13th series is all aces.
That’s largely because Platinum Dunes recruited killer behind-the-scenes talent as well. Director Marcus Nispel previously helmed The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (2003) and writers Damian Shannon and Mark Swift had previously penned Freddy vs. Jason. That’s called pedigree. And that’s why the movie managed to snag almost $100M at the box office and become the second-highest-grossing Jason flick after Freddy vs. Jason. The only complaint is we never got a sequel. Still. To this day. (pounds table) Twelve. Mother. Fucking. Years. Later. Urgh. But they keep suing each other and withholding our dear Jason. Urgh. And I feel bad holding up others in line at the gas station to pay with cash. I can’t believe I’m still so upset about this. I’ll be back. Urgh.
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What’s your favorite Platinum Dunes horror movie?
Make sure to let us know in the comments below or on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram! You can also hit me up over on Twitter @MikeSpregg325.
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