Wanna See Something REALLY Scary

Wanna See Something REALLY Scary? The Rise and Fall of Pete the Meat Puppet

“Wanna see something REALLY scary?”

To horror fans who came of age in the 1980s, the line above instantly evokes memories of Dan Aykroyd and Albert Brooks in the opening scene from Twilight Zone: The Movie. Now, on a bi-monthly basis, I’ll be asking, “Wanna see something REALLY scary?” with the goal of shocking you with chilling footage plumbed from the darkest corners of YouTube.

Pete the Meat Puppet is something of a celebrity in certain YouTube subcultures, especially those enamored by macabre and disturbing videos. If you find Chucky unsettling, turn back now, because everything about Pete is more terrifying than the scourge of the Child’s Play franchise!

The Rise and Fall of Pete the Meat Puppet is an unforgettable video—for a few reasons. There’s an overtly comic overtone to the musical ditty, one that recounts Pete’s humble beginnings as lunch scraps and how the breast milk from a barren lunch lady brought him to life. The song is so catchy, it’ll be stuck in your head for days—and probably not in a good way!

But most of what makes Pete legendary, and why he’s the feature of this week’s column, is because he’s disgusting! The jokey presentation and addictive song stand in stark contrast to the grotesque reality of a Pinocchio built out of rotting flesh. Suddenly, Pete’s descent into prostitution and self-cannibalism becomes utterly gut-churning. The vintage presentation makes the entire video even more nightmarish.

Without further ado, meet Pete:

If you’re left thinking, “That was certainly disturbing, but I sure like those jeans Pete was wearing!” then you’re one of the few who got the video’s actual intention. Unbelievably, Pete the Meat Puppet was created as part of a marketing campaign for Diesel. Of course, this is the same company that released a series of “hair bath” videos (which could probably be the subjects of their own feature!).

Wanna see something REALLY scary?

If The Rise and Fall of Pete the Meat Puppet hasn’t left you scarred for life, you can watch the follow-up, Pete the Meat Puppet on the Live Show, below. It’s the same basic story, this time presented in a vintage talk-show format. Though less overtly disgusting than the first video, there’s something about the casual interactions between Pete and “real people” that will cast some of you into the deepest pits of The Uncanny Valley.

Got an idea for a future installment of “Wanna See Something REALLY Scary?” Hit me up on Twitter @josh_millican!

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