Mother, May I Sleep with Danger? (TV-Movie, 2016)
Matt Boiselle
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Starring Leila George, Tori Spelling, Emily Meade
Directed by Melanie Aitkenhead
Call it a remake, call it a re-imagining, call it a reformation – any way you slice it, the act of shoving a “retread” of an otherwise valueless 90’s film down our throats leaves little to be desired… unless you’re into that kind of thing. James Franco takes the Tori Spelling vehicle Mother, May I Sleep with Danger? and retools it into a teenybopper-like, MTV-styled lesbian/vampire thriller; and before the fellas get their inner 12-year-olds worked up, let’s delve into the details a bit.
Directed by Melanie Aitkenhead, the subject matter of this particular film differs from the 1996 original – we’ve spanned from abusive teen relationship to retributive vampires… yep, ready to turn the lights out real quick. However, I stuck with it and trudged along, watching as if I didn’t have a jaded bone in my body (quite the herculean feat) and was mildly impressed at what I’d seen early on.
Our main character, Leah (George), is a theater student who’s currently reveling in her ability to snag the lead role in Macbeth away from her friend (Nick Eversman), who might not really have wanted the part as much as trying to get into Leah’s pants (you sly dog, you). Leah’s attentions have squarely been focused upon Pearl (Meade), who was revealed early on in the film to be a bloodsucker, and at the risk of sounding comparative, this one had all the makings of an atrocious adolescent drama on the Freeform/ABC Family network.
Next up on the young lovers’ agenda is to meet Leah’s mom (Spelling in an absolutely lethargic role) – and the honeymoon phase is just that when the inevitable bomb is dropped that Pearl is a nightwalker… will somebody please cue the foreboding music? The remainder of details would needlessly be inundating you with stodgy dialogue between characters and the ever-so-cliched slow-motioned Twilight-styled entrances whenever a group of vampires enter a room… aah, the abandonment of fresh ideas.
Ivan Sergei, who played the role of the domineering boyfriend in the original, is relegated to college professor in this one, offering his teachings on “vampires and sexuality” in class… no, I’m not kidding. Look, I’m not going to sit here and bash this pic like a bloody pinata until the guts spill out all over the floor, and I’m sure that this will have an audience to some extent (good thing school’s out so the kids can stay up and watch this), and aside from a VERY sordid scene that might make Mom and Dad want to shield the little one’s eyes, this entire exhibit turned to ash when the sunlight hit it.
If it’s okay with you, Mom, I’d prefer to doze by myself before lying down with this one again.
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Film
Categorized:Reviews
