Exclusive Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves Premiere Coverage and First Impressions


Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves, the much-anticipated horror slapstick comedy written and directed by mad genius Ross Patterson, was unleashed last night (September 18th) in Hollywood at the historic Vista Theater. And Dread Central was there!

There was a red carpet step-and-repeat to begin with, plus we saw a line of rabid fans that wrapped around the block. There were several horror icons in attendance, including Barbara Crampton and John Gulager, as well as most of the stars from the film. After the outdoor shenanigans, the party moved inside, where a Q&A kicked off the big screen premiere.

Jesse Merlin, Barbara Crampton, Jackson Stewart

Ross Patterson: The DVD comes out on Halloween. The inside of the disc is all in braille. No kidding. Whatever fan figures out what it says, God bless you. I will send you a dick pic. I’m gonna go personal; that way you’ll know it’s me. Actually, better yet, I’ll send you a Barry dick pic. It’s impressive. You know – you’ve seen him in his underwear in Rocky Horror Picture Show. He’s a good-looking man.

Barry Bostwick: I will do the dick pic.

RP: Jessie Wiseman is here. She plays Helen Keller. She wore contacts throughout the entire film. Was that hard?

JW: Yes. That’s it for the Q&A… I can start drinking now, right?

RP: Jesse Merlin, everybody. Jesse, my question for you, playing William Keller, and having to sing a full operatic song in the film – no ADR, folks – what was the biggest challenge in that?

JM: First off, the movie was funny. But yeah, we had to change locations the day before, so we were out in the middle of the country and I also had to down about 24 ounces of something before –

Audience heckler: Semen!

RP: No, not semen. Who the fuck said that? Give me your cell phone right now. I am going to call your mother.

JM: Beer. It was beer… fake beer actually. I have not seen this movie yet… either it’s going to be a cult classic, or a serious lapse in judgment.

RP: Last question is for Richard Riehle. Why do you keep doing my movies? You know they are so fucked up. Why do you keep doing them? Every time I call your agent and you say yes, I’m amazed. We’ve done six films together, and wow – because you are way above my grade. You are an amazing actor.

Richard Riehle: Nah…

RP: You know what everybody wants to hear, right?

RR: “I’m a people person!”

The audience applauded wildly, director and actors took their seats, and the screening began. It started off with a string of hilarious trailers – all of them Patterson’s previous films, including FDR: American Badass!, Poolboy: Drowning Out the Fury, and Darnell Dawkins: Mouth Guitar Legend – then a book trailer for Patterson’s (real!) new “romance novel for dudes” called At Night She Cries While He Rides His Steed, which promises “hardcore fucking” and lots of it.

Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves kicked off with a filmed intro / warning by Patterson (a la William Castle by way of Captain Ron as his alter ego, St. James St. James), and the movie began.

This riotously irreverent historical horror flick starts off with the elder Helen Keller (played by Lin Shaye) recounting the tale of how an assault by sophisticated, yet sinister nightwolves destroyed two of her three senses and how she got her revenge on the animals that wronged her. The attack scene is beyond hilarious! Not to mention gloriously gory. The movie is made to look egregiously cheesy, but it’s so cleverly crafted and diligently edited, one must admire all the thought and work that went into it – it reminds me of a famous quote by Dolly Parton: “It costs a fortune to look this cheap.”

Judge for yourself when Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves comes out for everyone to see on October 31, 2015.

Lin Shaye (the Insidious franchise), Barry Bostwick (Rocky Horror Picture Show), Jim O’Heir (“Parks and Recreation”), and David Quane (FDR: American Badass!) star.

Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves tells the shocking story of how a group of nightwolves terrorized a tiny village, taking people’s hearing and eyesight… and the one woman who fought back.

Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves



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