Guilty Pleasures: 10 Terrible Movies That Kind of Rock
Steve Barton
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House of Wax (2005): Jaume Collet-Serra’s House of Wax is nothing like André De Toth’s House of Wax. It’s also noticeably juvenile with some very, very sketchy screenwriting and a preposterous premise. Some of the acting is solid, and some is forgettable, which shouldn’t surprise anyone as the cast is a spotty amalgamation of rookie performers and annoying faces (Paris Hilton is at the forefront of this category). There isn’t a single thing about the picture that consumers can truly buy into, and that’s part of the reason the movie feels so weird. It’s unbelievable… but it’s enticing as all hell. Turn the movie on; you’ll probably find that you really want to see these characters killed. Really, homicide will compel you to sit through the film. And what the hell, if the death scenes can be done in creative fashion – something accomplished on a few occasions throughout the flick – all the more reason to sit down and tune in. Sometimes all we really need is a brainless slasher with a few performers that demand groans of disappointment. Funny how that works…
Doom: Having grown up during the heyday of both Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone, it was impossible to avoid addiction to kick-ass action flicks. It also ingrained in me an ability to immediately spot wildly entertaining action-oriented pictures, even if they don’t necessarily fit into the action category alone. Doom, despite the myriad of flaws you’ll find in it, is one of those flicks that gifts the action elements great nurturing but doesn’t neglect the obvious horror elements of the story — and it works to create one of those ludicrous movies that I’ll still be watching 10 years from now. I don’t need to tap into the laundry list of things gone wrong for the production; most will acknowledge the fact that it’s something of a dodgy piece of work, but I cannot get enough of a rapidly mutating Rock toeing the line with the rugged underdog Karl Urban. That faceoff alone propels this picture into the regions of unexpected greatness.
Jason X: Todd Farmer, who wrote the screenplay for Jason X, once told me he’d prepared a significantly darker script to be told for the tenth installment of the Friday the 13th franchise. Apparently studio execs weren’t crazy about the bleak tone, feeling compelled to pursue a lighter, goofier vibe designed to empower laughter over fear. Todd wasn’t overjoyed, but I think it might have been the best option for this pic. It seems unfathomable to imagine a straightforward, serious horror piece when you’ve shipped Voorhees into space. In the end the script adjustments led to some outrageous entertainment, a good 90 percent of the story is worthy of the facepalm, and… I loved it. This self-aware departure from the mythos worked because every player involved seemed to say, “Fuck it! If we’re going to make a cheesy movie, let’s at least make a blast of a cheesy movie.” Job well done. Regardless of all the disastrous decisions made, Jason X is still a mandatory good time.
