Species: The Awakening (DVD)
Directed by Nick Lyon
Okay. Once you're done laughing at the abysmal DVD art which resembles a sci-fi themed cover of Cosmo, I'd like to take a couple of minutes to review a few comments from my partner in crime, The Foywonder, regarding Species: The Awakening.
"I have to ask: Does the Species franchise really have a big enough following to continue warranting sequels? The first film was hardly great, and its theatrically released follow-up was bad beyond belief. I've only bothered with about ten minutes of the third one that went straight to DVD and the Sci-Fi Channel. Are there really Species fans out there clamoring for more?"
Apparently so, as MGM keeps pumping these babies out every couple of years and each ends up being successful enough (lord only knows why) to warrant a sequel. Normally this is the part where I would go into a brief synopsis of the plot, but honestly even after watching it, I still have only the slightest bit of a clue as to what was going on. Instead of me suffering to try and rehash stuff for you, I'll let the DVD box description lay things out for ya!
"When brilliant college professor Miranda Hollander suffers a mysterious blackout, and awakens amid the bloody aftermath of a mass slaughter, she turns to her uncle for answers. But when he reveals the shocking truth...that she's only half human, a clone from a hybrid of human and alien DNA, they must flee to Mexico to locate the scientist who created her. Soon they find themselves locked in battle with a horde of rampaging, unstoppable hybrids...and time is running out before Miranda will inevitably surrender to the killer instinct that lurks inside her own body!"
Um. Yeah, that was it. Or then there's the abridged version, also courtesy of Foy:
Beautiful woman ...
Alien DNA ...
On the loose / run ...
Turns into an H.R. Giger monster ...
People die ...
Honestly, that's pretty much all you need to know as that has been the same basic plot for the last four movies. Species: The Awakening breaks no new ground. In fact it doesn't tread the old ground very well either. It's a modern miracle how a movie about a hot alien chick who needs to fuck can seem so uninspired, flaccid, and void of even cheesy entertainment value. To its credit, Species: The Awakening is a better flick than the extremely lame Species III, but that's like saying, "Hey! This brown piece of shit, is much better than this green piece of shit!"
If surprisingly brief nudity, and CGI gore is your thing then, brother, you have just scored! The rest of us will just sit here dumbfounded as to why or even how these movies keep getting made.
2 out of 5
1 for not having any.
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