Lake Dead (2007)
Reviewed by Johnny Butane
Starring Kelsey Crane, Jim Devoti, Tara Gerard, Malea Richardson, Vanessa Viola
Directed by George Bessudo
And here I thought I was going to be able to walk away from this year’s Horrorfest with Unearthed (review) as the worst film of the bunch. Then this morning Lake Dead vomited itself onto the big screen, and I knew who the real winner was.
The story is about some sisters and their men who head up to a motel the sisters just inherited from their dead grandfather. Instead of staying at said motel, they decide to camp, which makes no sense at all since the girls are there to decide if they want to sell the place, but if that was the extent of the film’s problems, I’d be in a much better place.
So there are these two brutish guys stalking around, taking victims here and there, and there’s also a local cop who pretends like he wants to help the girls but is actually in cahoots with the aforementioned brutes, and they’re all in a plot to breed with the girls to keep the family name, Lake, alive. Hence the title, you see.
There’s nothing, and I mean nothing, redeemable about Lake Dead. I wish I could say there was at least some good nudity, but unfortunately the ugliest girl of the whole bunch is the only one we get to see topless. Not that she’s hideous or anything, you understand, there are just a lot better looking girls on screen.
You can tell that was one of the reasons this movie was made, to give some hot girls some screen time. And that was about the only reason I can see for this film to be made because there sure isn’t anything else going for it. I mean, seriously, it’s just terrible. The acting, the effects, the story, the plotting … there’s just nothing good in Lake Dead. If you’re on the fence about seeing it, don’t. Just avoid it. See Mulberry Street instead. Or The Deaths of Ian Stone. Or P2 for that matter.
You’ll notice this review is very short. That’s because the movie is shit and deserves no more attention. I will end it with a line a friend of mine said after watching it: "That movie tasted worse than a bag of dicks." Take that for what you will.
1/2 out of 5
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