Innocence (Blu-ray / DVD)
Foywonder
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Starring Sophie Curtis, Kelly Reilly, Linus Roache, Graham Philips, Stephanie March, Perrey Reeves,
Directed by Hilary Brougher
Distributed by Cinedigm
Innocence marks the latest non-starter in the ever-growing subgenre of potential franchise horror movies based on young adult novels that will never get past the first film. I’m not entirely sure this was designed to be the start of a franchise given how uneventful it is; so little happens for so long, completely frivolous loud noise fake jump scares are periodically thrown in to remind the audience that this is supposed to be a teen horror movie and also to hopefully awaken us from our bored stupor.
Having not read the book on which this is based, one can only assume that the plot and characters have been stripped down to the point that barely any narrative, character development, or explanations remain.
What does remain is a dreary, slow-paced, nothing of a film with made-for-cable production values so oversaturated with disaffected affluent teenagers and their parents standing around saying and doing nothing of consequence even Sofia Coppola would grow weary. Perhaps the lifeless tone of the piece was the director trying to make us see and feel the world through the eyes of a spiritless teenager in dire need of antidepressants?
Teenage virgin Beckett (Sophie Curtis) is still dealing with the death of her mom. If you think Beckett is a pretentious sounding name for a girl, then just wait until you meet her classmate Sunday. At least with Beckett we come to learn her father (Linus Roache) is a famous poet so there’s some reasoning behind giving his daughter the sort of literary name only upper middle class WASPs do.
Not since Bella Swan has there been a young adult heroine at the center of a supernatural storyline this hollow. Curtis, looking and sounding like Alicia Silverstone’s depressed baby sister, mopes through the film, rarely displaying any personality even when her life’s being threatened. Not really fair to single out the actress for this since that is pretty much how nearly everyone comes across. Rarely have I seen a motion picture where I wish the craft services table had been serving Zoloft by the bucket.
Dad has moved them to New York City and enrolled her in a prestigious Manhattan prep academy dating back over a century. Her first day at Cruel Intentions High will include hearing strange otherworldly voices, experiencing disturbing visions, befriending the only girl in school even more dispirited than her, nearly getting splattered by a suicidal student jumping to her death, and beginning a mandatory romance with aimless skateboarder Tobey, a young man that looks like the creation of a prepubescent girl’s Weird Science experiment to bring a One Direction action figure to life.
Tobey and Beckett fall for each other for no discernible reason other than because it’s in the script. Their romance, like much of the movie’s monotony, is punctuated with bleak alternative rock songs perfect for the soundtrack to an emo kid’s funeral.
Beckett also begins receiving an unreasonable amount of special attention and an endless number of house calls from the hottest school nurse in the history of non-teen sex comedy cinema. Kelly Reilly is Nurse Pamela, whose family founded the school long ago, and is about the only performer showing signs of life. Reilly deserves better than thankless villain roles like this.
Pamela wants to play doctor with Beckett’s dad, but when it comes to Beckett, this school nurse really wants to draw some blood. That’s because she’s the leader of a coven of immortals (witches?) operating under the guise of the school alumni/faculty book club (I kid you not!) feeding off the vitality in the blood of virgins in order to stay young forever. Well, forty-something forever. It was never made clear if drinking virgin blood would revert them back to their younger teenage selves or just keep them looking like eternal MILFs.
Beckett eventually unravels the truth about this fountain of youth cult with what appeared to be less than an hour’s worth of Google searching. She probably could have figured it out even sooner had she just done what Tobey did: stare at a hundred-year-old school photo for 20 seconds and recognize several of the women in it looking exactly the same as they do now except for their hairstyles.
Going back to my theory that the book’s plot was stripped down to the most threadbare elements, even the supernatural elements of the plot come with little or no explanation. Why is Beckett experiencing all these paranormal sounds and visions again? What was up with Emperor Palpatine’s widow seated at the bloodletting ceremony? Why did this movie devote more time to Tobey teaching Beckett to skateboard than delving into the nature of the cult or how their immortality works?
Now, I don’t want to spoil the climax (especially since it’s about the only part of the movie where anything happens), but let’s just say that after spending so much time tepidly cockblocking Beckett and Tobey at every turn, the women of the Oprah Book Club of the Damned see their eternal reign threatened all because of their underestimating the ability of horny teenagers to sneak around behind their parents’ backs. Shocking!
Innocence is lost.
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Film
Categorized:Reviews
