Kingdom Come (DVD)
Matt Boiselle
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Starring Ry Barrett, Camille Hollett-French, William Foley
Directed by Greg A. Sager
Distributed by Uncork’d Entertainment
What’s that old saying? “If it looks like a duck and craps like a duck…” You get what I’m saying. To think that I was ACTUALLY watching Saw 2 the other night before I received this film to review.
After hitting the play button, I was magically transferred to the land of derivation, whereas for at least the first 30 minutes or so of Kingdom Come from director Greg A. Sager, I was comparing both films at the same time because I could swear I was watching the same film on two screens.
After a brief supernatural interlude that swept away any remaining Jigsaw comparatives, I viewed the remainder of a film that most likely will be tossed into the ever-growing “torture-porn/abandoned location/everyone hates everyone kind of film” heap that has been growing steadily over the past few years. The art of pitching an unlikable assemblage of personas into a deserted locale so that a mysterious lunatic can play mind-games with them certainly isn’t among the freshest of ideas, but it is what we’re working with here so settle in as I prepare to castigate what could have been.
The show starts with our first sufferer of the dreaded curse simply known as “horror movie amnesia” (Ry Barrett) – he’ll fit in nicely as the movie’s archetype, shortly followed thereafter by a menagerie of color-by-numbers characters that fit every stereotype to a T. We’ve got the angry guy (Jo Jo Karume), who isn’t as tortured as everyone thinks, the beautiful lass (Camille Hollett-French), an overtly douchey bigot (Soroush Saidi), and the atypical peculiar little girl that likes to wander, doesn’t speak too often, and when she does… she’s just plain WEIRD. Add a few more no-names that are certain to be fodder for whatever otherworldly force decides to roam the hallways during the movie’s run time, and we’ve got the PERFECT setup for a movie you’ll be sure to forget soon enough.
After a (very) short time, I truly believe that the masses will forsake the supernatural life-ring that gets tossed into the deep end to give this movie a distant swim from torture-porn infested waters. As each respective character begins a daunting course to escape the sinister stronghold that encloses them, we get to learn that their past sins are truly what makes them the target. As the true terror is revealed, and the viewer can finally lay eyes upon these “demons” in all their malevolent glory, the only blood that is liable to be spilled will be from your lip, AFTER you bite it to keep from laughing at the ridiculous guises they’re donning.
After what seems like a never-ending, futile attempt for the group to escape their surroundings, a fairly respectable conclusion is offered. Unfortunately there’s a legion of plot holes that one must jump over or swerve around to get to it, and by that time there’s just been far too much time wasted on the little things before the big picture is finally illuminated. My advice? If this movie manages to materialize in front of you, it would be best to just walk on by.
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Film
Categorized:Reviews
