Reviewed by Uncle Creepy
Starring Tony Kendall, Helga Liné, Silvia Tortosa, Josefina Jartin, Loli Tovar
Directed by Amando de Ossorio
Distributed by Deimos Entertainment
Rarely do I get as excited to review a DVD as I do when a disc from Deimos Entertainment arrives at my office. Why? Because I know I am guaranteed a few things — a nutty ass flick from the Sixties or Seventies, boobs, blood, monsters, blood, boobs, and hilarity! What could be better? After sifting through an endless amount of shit these flicks come as a breath of fresh air. It’s a cleansing experience I tell ya! As I suspected, The Loreley’s Grasp fits the expected bill perfectly!
When a bunch of hot chicks end up dead (read: torn to pieces with their hearts missing) the head of an all girl’s school has no choice but to hire a macho hunter (who wears the tightest pants you will ever see. This guys cock had a profile all its own. I was kind of intimidated, ya know?) to protect its students from the hungry lizard like beastie. Yet things end up getting a little bit more complicated for our hunter. This is no ordinary creature he is stalking. True, by night it’s a vicious snarling beast who kind of resembles what I would imagine the Foywonder’s interpretation of erotica would be, but by day? By day this creature’s a hot piece of ass that wanders around the swamplands wearing next to nothing. Can our hunter resist the temptation to use his other gun and save the school girls? How many clay breasts can we see be torn open until it stops being funny? Can this man’s pants last the entire film without tearing? All of these questions and more will be answered upon viewing the over-the-top unintentionally side-splitting comedy of The Loreley’s Grasp!
You have just got to give it to Amando de Ossorio. This guy knows how to please. With his Blind Dead films he took a real life legend and scared the shit out of audiences world wide by turning the Templar Knights into a vicious army of the undead. Now with the Loreley, he’s taken the frightening German mythic creature and turned it into a lizard chick that you kind of want to fuck despite the scales and that nasty heart ripping business. If only he was still around making movies! I’d love to see what he’d do with Bigfoot! We can only dream.
Deimos’ editions of these long forgotten gems of horror history are usually packing in terms of extras (even though they’re pretty much always the same for each flick), but this time it seems as if we’re getting the bare minimum. All that’s to be found here are the trailer, the alternate Spanish credit sequence, and a still gallery. Oh well, this shit is so obscure I guess there just wasn’t much laying around. Still, they do not disappoint with the print of the film which is absolutely amazing, and honestly The Loreley’s Grasp is so absurdly whacky that this DVD is worth having for the movie alone.
Who knows what we’ll get next? Me I’m officially petitioning Deimos to dig up the Coffin Joe films! Can you imagine new remastered special editions of those? Better yet, official releases of stuff like the The Black Exorcism of Coffin Joe? Please guys, if you’re reading … make this happen! Maybe I’m just getting my hopes up, but I have to try. Either way, hats off to you guys for bringing home the strange in grand fashion! The Loreley’s Grasp is another film any fan of Euro-horror should not be without.
4 out of 5
2 1/2 out of 5
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