Directed by Brian C. Weed
Distributed by Image Entertainment
After being turned away from homecoming, a group of freshman and sophomores inadvertently kill the boyfriend of one of their own after he attempts to rape her. Three years later, homecoming is finally reinstated at the school, but those involved are none too thrilled. As the big day looms, their past comes back to haunt them in the form of a masked assailant wearing a firefighter’s costume, and things get stabby.
This is the plot of Bloody Homecoming, directed by Brian C. Weed and written by Jake Helgren. You’ve heard variations before, haven’t you? Perhaps in I Know What You Did Last Summer. Or Prom Night. Or Valentine. Or The House on Sorority Row. Or The Burning. Or Urban Legends: Bloody Mary. Or Slaughter High. Or any number of similar films that actually give off the impression of effort and a conspicuous lack of disdain for the material.
Which is fine. It’s a sub-genre for a reason. Hell, You’re Next is a simple twist on the home invasion, and it’s an excellent. But Bloody Homecoming is a shell of those superior films that came before it, dumbed down to its basic formulaic beats and lacking anything that might be considered an original thought or compelling idea. It plods along on the shoulders of poor actors uttering terrible, pointless dialogue before the antagonist shows up and stabs a number of them through various body parts. On occasion, the killer branches out, dispatching his victims in different yet equally uncreative ways, and then finally the movie ends and you wonder where the previous hour and a half went. This is the film. This is the entire thing. At no point does an ounce of originality or, Hell, passion from anyone involved present itself, resulting in the most mind-numbing and offensively lazy 90 minutes you’ll sit through this year.
But we need to go back to the dialogue and the actors, because without them, this film would never be able to be a frontrunner for worst horror film of the year. Granted, many of the actors haven’t acted before, but Daniel Day-Lewis himself could go method, re-enroll in high school for another four years, and accidentally kill one of his friends and he still wouldn’t be able to make the dialogue sound like anything other one man’s bizarre interpretation of how not just high school students, but people in general speak. It’s bad, but at least it’s laughably bad. Some of the exchanges between the students are so ridiculous, you can’t help but be mildly entertained.
But this is just the tip of the iceberg. One would think that in a film about high school students enough extras could be cast to help give off the impression that more than twenty students attend the school; the homecoming scene at the end of the film features about twenty people dancing in what looks like a bare gymnasium; there are several attempts at alluding to a possible killer before they’re all abandoned; and do we really need a nude scene involving a high school student in a gym locker room? Aside from being horribly gratuitous, it’s just…icky.
Nothing else can really be said about Bloody Homecoming that isn’t just me being mean for the sake of being mean (well, any more so than I already have been). It’s such a hollow and lazy film, worthy of nothing more than being relegated to the last page of the horror section on Netflix Instant. Avoid at all costs.
0 out of 5
0 out of 5
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