5

Hansel & Gretel (Blu-ray / DVD)

Cover art:

reviews/hngs.jpg

Hansel & Gretel (Blu-ray / DVD) (click for larger image)Starring Dee Wallace, Stephanie Greco, Brent Lyric

Directed by Anthony C. Ferrante

Distributed by The Asylum


No doubt designed to capitalize on the big screen release of Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters, The Asylum’s Hansel & Gretel is a mockbuster in name only. A different beast altogether, a Texas Chainsaw fairy tale of sorts, in which two modern teenagers named Hansel and Gretel get trapped in cannibal witch Dee Wallace’s gingerbread house of horrors where innocent young people are turned into meat pies.

Hold on a sec!

Wait just a minute!

What’s that quote on the cover art?

Hansel & Gretel (Blu-ray / DVD)

I guess I don’t need to bother finishing this review since, according to the box art, I already did.

“PRETTY DAMN GOOD HORROR MOVIE” – DREADCENTRAL

I’m the only person on this website who has ever written about this film so I know it has to be my quote. In fact, here’s the quote:

…it looks like it has the potential to be a pretty damn good horror movie judging by the preview.

That’s from a story I wrote about the Hansel & Gretel trailer back in October – not a review.

I guess that’s good enough. Seems reviews are optional now. I’m not mad. Find the whole thing funny to be honest. As a matter of fact, when I saw the quote on the Blu-ray on the shelf at Best Buy, I didn’t hesitate to buy a copy.

What’s even funnier is that I actually liked the film. I wouldn’t call it a “PRETTY DAMN GOOD HORROR MOVIE.” More like a perfectly okay horror movie, which I realize wouldn’t make nearly as good a pull quote to slap on the cover art. The film’s got some pacing issues, things meander a bit in the second half. Overall, I did enjoy it.

Why am I even bothering to continue with an actual review? What’s the point?

“PRETTY DAMN GOOD HORROR MOVIE” – DREADCENTRAL

You win this round, Asylum.

Hansel & Gretel (Blu-ray / DVD)

Special Features

  • The Making of Hansel & Gretel
  • Cast and Crew Commentary
  • Hell’s Crafty featurette
  • Gag Reel
  • Trailers

    Film:

    3 out of 5

    Special Features:

    3 out of 5

    Discuss Hansel & Gretel in our comments section below!

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    Foywonder

    • Terminal

      That last image is hysterical.

    • elric300

      Foy’s last line needs a stinger and sound effect. Awesome.

    • Terminal

      Great reviews as always, Foy.

    • kiddcapone

      This just made my day…

    • aliensharkboy

      Hilarious!