Starring Corey Feldman, Vanessa Angel, Velizar Binev, Anton Falk, and Danielle Keaton
Directed by Ted Nicolaou
Released by Anchor Bay Entertainment
Vs. movies. Since the sixties heyday of Godzilla, we horror fans love to see our favorite big bads duke it out. This trend has carried on for decades as Freddy has fought Jason, Aliens have gone head up with Predators, and werewolves have tackled vamps in the Underworld franchise. Sometimes these Battle Royal’s can be fun and entertaining, and sometimes they . . . well . . . uh . . . they suck. Puppet Master Vs. Demonic Toys is the worst that I have seen.
Let me preface this by saying that I’ve never been a big fan of either franchise, but I have enjoyed certain entries. The Puppet Master films in particular range from decent to unwatchable. I am, however, a big fan of bad cinema. I love cheesy fun. I own hundreds of DVD’s that most people would scoff at. When this title came into my hands, I was intrigued. That intrigue carried over for about 5 minutes into the film. I then realized I was heading into an abyss of bottom of the barrel everything.
Corey Feldman and Vanessa Angel star as the leaders of their respective camps, and after an hour and twenty minutes of convoluted silliness and horrid scenery chewing overacting, the two plastic factions go at each other for a sum total of six minutes. That’s really all you need to know about the story because frankly there is none. It’s just a punch you in the balls bad crap fest.
The sole reason to watch this film is for Feldman’s portrayal of Robert Toulon. Not because it’s good or entertaining, but because it’s like that really bad car wreck you cannot take your eyes off of. His delivery, his voice, everything is off the page awful. It’s like watching a fish thrash about and die. I am still stunned.
On the extras side of things, thankfully there is not a single thing to be found. I don’t blame anyone for not wasting their time either. What could there possibly be to explore? Sometimes bare bones is better. Thank you for sparing us.
Puppet Master Vs. Demonic Toys is not fun, and it’s not so bad that it’s good. It’s an empty shell of a film that should stand as proof positive that there is a time in every great career or franchise to throw in the towel. Or in this case, please, lock up the damned toy box.
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