Twilight Saga: Eclipse, The (2010)

The Twilight Saga: EclipseReviewed by Nomad

Starring Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, Taylor Lautner, Michael Sheen, Dakota Fanning, Ashley Greene

Directed by David Slade

Ah yes … it’s that time again. The vampire film series of your dreams has returned for another jaunty tale of love lost and found with Jacob, the smarmy buff young werewolf with the tragic shirt allergy; Edward, the 100-year-old vampire Gap model with impenetrable hair; and, in the center of it all, little Bella, the teen waif cursed by gypsies, never to make a facial expression again. In this installment named Eclipse our monster triangle interrupt their incessant moans of unrequited amour with the occasional panic brought on by an army of newborn vampires inexplicably heading for the sleepy town of Forks. At times it is a real worry, but more often than not it takes a back seat to the love story. It’s good to have priorities.

Now it is time for old foes to join forces to protect a loved one and the town they call home. Fuzzy, giant werewolves and sparkly, rich vampires united for the common good!! That is the entire plot in a nutshell, with the dreaded Volturi clan keeping themselves within peripheral vision, constantly reinforcing the notion that this backwater brawl is a very small skirmish in the scheme of things, and should it get out of hand, they will swoop in and clear the field like avenging angels … but only at their pleasure.

The Twilight Saga: EclipseIn a great many ways director David Slade makes his presence felt by creating a bond between the ethereal Cullen family and the audience watching that was never bothered with before. We’d been resigned to pick our favorite vamp based on who made the funniest facial expressions. Mine was Jasper, who spent the first film wearing a grimace that resembled indigestion. Heeesterical. In Eclipse, however, we get personal moments with nearly everyone in the family, learning where they came from to understand who they are now. For the rest we, at the very least, get to watch a sort of spotlight moment offering further glimpses into the vamp’s personality. I found these moments made the family more likable and from that created a movie experience that was downright tolerable! Even Bella manages to be somewhat more agreeable, which I chalk up to the absence of the quaking, stammering, and screaming of movies past and a more mature acting performance. She even manages to nearly smile! Very nearly.

On the flip side that scrappy band of shirtless wolf boys are made more human through a lengthy flashback, revealing the history of the tribe (and pack) and where their blood feud with “The Cold Ones” began. It’s even revealed that fucking PETER MURPHY started it all!!! Figures. Blame it on Bauhaus. All of this back story and stolen moments with both wolf peoples and vampire fashionistas helps to distance us from the prime story, which is, as ever, the love triangle we’ve already had a full movie about. It is a very welcome break, though there is one profound difference. In the past we’d gotten to see Bella with Edward … and Bella with Jacob … but not Bella with both parties vying for her attention simultaneously. With this new angle we realize that Jacob’s approach is that of an immature and impulsive boy, which is closer to Bella’s nature than she’d like to admit. Edward is around 108 years old so while he is in no hurry to make Bella his one and only, he knows his emotions are real. Even still, he has no wish for Bella to share his immortal curse, and that is something she continually asks for … well … that and sex. Jacob sees their rivalry as a sort of sport and doesn’t hide his grin when he believes he has the upper hand. Edward has to put his trust in Bella and hope he comes out of the whole deal without a broken heart. ~cries~ It’s sappy and juvenile but not entirely unwatchable.

The Twilight Saga: EclipseEclipse marks the first time Summit has done something new with The Twilight Saga‘s trailers, and that is to create a premise that made us think we might actually enjoy this movie! If you are looking forward to an epic battle of giant wolves and seasoned vampires clashing with wild, unimaginably strong newborn vampires, then you’ll be able to enjoy that scene … for about 10 minutes. The action is fairly cool and bloodless and fleeting. There are nearly three action scenes in the film with those interesting character development moments peppered throughout and little glimpses into the gears of the plot turning with viewpoints on the Volturi, the newborn vamps, and Victoria, who is still running her ass off through Forks (just how big is that frikken forest??!!) The least interesting item remaining is the Jacob-Bella-Edward love triangle, but we understand this is a romance film for giggling teen girls so we thank you for upping the action and allowing us to not beg for death as we watch.

A quick note on FX, which is substantial in Eclipse. The wolves look a little more badass in this film with further views of their scale as they stand quietly next to the Cullens and tiny lil Bella. VERY nice work and extremely believable. There is also a pile of CGI used in the battle in the film’s finale, as the way that vampires die in the Twilight world is nothing like you’ve seen in most vampire films. I don’t want to ruin the surprise for those who don’t read the books, but the effect is dramatic, complete with a distinct sound that will alert you every time a renegade vamp is dismembered, beheaded, or otherwise bites the big one (pun intended). Bella remains the only character to shed a drop of blood in this film.

I’ve sat through three Twilight Saga films now, and Eclipse marks the first time I didn’t think of ending my life amid the semi-romantic mumbling of Edward and Bella. A fairly decent vampire chase, a vamp training session, plenty of looks at a pack of giant werewolves, and a major step back on the emo levels of the wolf-vamp-human love story make the latest film downright watchable … or bearable … or lacking in elements that made me want to smite my own eyes for staring into the mouth of madness and not switching off in hysterical blindness (see my previous Twilight film reviews). My friend described it well in saying, “It’s like getting the same kick to the balls, but this time the shoe worn with the delivery is a lot more forgiving.” The writing is still very weak and the plot is thinner than the hottest of Hollywood bulimics, but if you are forced to go, at least you won’t pray for death.

2 out of 5

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  • Rottenjesus

    From savage bloodthirsty vampires in 30 DAYS OF NIGHT to whatever these sparkly vagina magnets are. *shudder*

    Oh I’m sure this will make serious bank but every time I see a Twilight ad I die a little more inside.

    • Nomad

      My local theater had 6 theaters dedicated to midnight shows tonight and all but 2 of them were sold out. This thing…is not going away.

      • Rottenjesus

        It is the cinematic equivalent of herpes, man. It explodes onto the scene for a bit, then goes away for awhile and then BAM! it’s back and no matter how much you rinse AND repeat.

        That shit’s never going away. >:(

        • xfoley8

          Oh, I doubt that. I imagine in 10 or 15 years, all the girls who got all wet and squishy over this fad will look back with embarrassment (and a little nostalgia), the same way they do now if they were in love with Duran Duran or New Kids on the Block. These films get very little critical respect, so I doubt they will hold up the way, say, the first 2 or 3 Star Wars films have. I doubt these films will remain required viewing for the ‘next’ generation.

          • Emy

            It’s nothing like Duran Duran or the New Kids on the Block.

            A lot of my friends still adore DD and I have no shame whatsoever about having been a fan of the New Kids on the Block. I still like some of their stuff. I am not ashamed of saying that.

            Twilight is more like romance novels to me. Time filler, easy to follow romance, produced on the cheap, for mass consumption, to be forgotten soon. So, in other words, not for me.

          • GJW

            I was not a “huge” Duran Duran fan growing up although I did listen to them if they were on the radio,or MTV(when they actually played music videos lol). BUT,”Come Undone” is a fucking KICK ASS song and still listen to it frequently to this day. As a matter of fact,I just did since you mentioned DD. Great song!!!!!

            Formerly FireRam

    • Nomad

      Wait I just realized you said Vagina Magnet. Isn’t that a good thing? I aspire to be magnetic to vagina.