Reviewed by The Foywonder
Starring America Olivio, Paulie Rojas, Marissa Tait, Sita Young, Arianne Zucker, Nick Ballard
Directed by Brandon Nutt
Distributed by Lionsgate Home Entertainment
If there’s a lesson to be learned from The Last Resort, it’s that if you’re American, you’re better off staying out of Mexico altogether. If the criminals don’t get you, then the evil spirits will.
The Last Resort stars America Olivio – you may remember her from the new Friday the 13th as the brunette in the pre-title sequence who flashes us her boobs before getting flame-broiled alive in a sleeping bag – as one of a group of female friends bachelorette partying it up in Mexico. Bridesmaid Olivio hooks up with a hunky English teacher, which prevents her from joining her friends the next day on a tour that turns into a robbery. With the bride-to-be shot in the leg and all of them dumped on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere, they find their way to an abandoned resort villa unaware that the place is a hedonistic haunt from which nobody who has entered has ever returned alive.
This resort was once home to some cult that wanted to cut themselves off from the outside world and live in a place where they could be free to live out their every desire, whether it be sexual or psychopathic. Exactly why this place has this otherworldly power over others is never really explained – it just is. Evil is as evil does, I guess. At first it just makes the ladies extra bitchy, but then one-by-one the women succumb to the villa’s “if it feels evil, do it” policy. One girl has a bad attitude so she turns into a homicidal maniac. Another girl is really skinny so she becomes a homicidal cannibal. Another girl turns into a homicidal nymphomaniac because, well, someone had to become a homicidal nymphomaniac, I suppose.
They were able to make one phone call to Olivio describing their surroundings so that leaves her, her hook-up, and his obnoxious, Spanish-speaking best friend walking around questioning the locals for clues to her friends’ whereabouts. Every single time she begins describing this villa south of town, the locals begin to freak out, especially palm reading old Mexican gypsy women that love to foretell certain doom.
The Last Resort deserves credit for being a good looking movie, and that’s not just in regard to the attractive female cast members either. But it’s not much of a movie. The nonsensical supernatural horror subplot is primarily crammed into the last 15 minutes; what precedes it is more akin to a lame Lifetime Network thriller about the potential dangers awaiting unsuspecting gringos south of the border. And keep in mind the movie is only 75 minutes, including the opening and closing credits. It’s as brisk as it is pointless.
That skinny girl gets mocked by one of her friends for being so, and that is supposed to be the catalyst behind her becoming a ravenous cannibal gorging on everything edible whether it is apples or intestines? That friend also mocked her for having very small breasts. Would have been more interesting to see what the evil force would have done with that aspect of her bodily issues instead.
1 1/2 out of 5
1/2 out of 5
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