Rip and Tear

Alright. The days are whizzing by and you’re still standing in line for a PS3 aren’t you? At least your phone still delivers the internets (unless you’re in a lawnchair mooching bandwidth off of Best Buy you fushing feef!). If you’re going to insist upon marathon queuing, sit back, lean back, or remain painfully upright and enjoy another segment of Dread Central’s holiday shopping guide.

Today, I’m going to help save you the trouble of minutiae so you can remain focused on stuffing your closet with even more booty because there’s nothing more obnoxious than realizing not only are you out of Scotch tape. Equally distressing is realizing that all you have left for gift wrap is some pink confetti paper and yesterday’s obituaries; great for birthdays, not so much for seasonal swag.

Click to see the whole thing!So cease the foraging for newspaper and masking tape, put that construction paper down, and forget about the crayons. These days, there really is something for everyone and stationery isn’t just for summer camp and ransom notes anymore.

For those of you who were never good at folding notes in school let alone origami, the best way to shroud a gift in mystery is with a handy gift bag. Lucky for you, Gorey Details has some, as you guessed it, very cool Edward Gorey themed merch.

Click to see the whole thing!Adorned with Gorey’s signature scratchboard style, pick up some gift totes covered in appropriately spooky art ranging from mummies (pictured above) to dragons to the infamously tragic Gashleycrumb Tinies and of course, Dracula (to your left). With everything but the tissue paper including labels and tags, you can keep your loot pretty and organized for efficient distribution.

Click to see it bigger!If you do happen to have a knack for paper footballs then consider snagging a Dracula or Amphigorey gift wrap set containing two 20” x 30” (rolled) sheets of paper and a matching enclosure card. You can also pick up a 5’ roll of Epileptic Bicycle paper!

Click to see it bigger!And that’s not all! No really, Gorey Details is brimming with morbidly cheery stock so head over there posthaste for more gift wrap, note cards, labels, stickers, and several other Gorey and non-Gorey items but… if Edward Gorey is too lighthearted for you, you can always get a little nastier but you’ll have to learn how to coordinate your paws and master the envelope fold.

Click to see it bigger!My absolute favorite gift wrap this year has to be Vicious Paper Cut from VampFangs. At only $5.95 per pack you can stock up and cover everything in red or alternate all the blood with some simple yet effective Pitch Black wrap for the same price.

Click to see it bigger!If you want less blood and more “metal” then head over to T-Shirt Hell where you can pick up packs of 26” x 19” slick skull wrapping paper. The skull wrap is the most fiendishly horror-centric paper they’ve got by the way, but if you want to be downright evil, just remember to peruse the rest of T-Shirt Hell’s selections and understand how they came to be named.

With all this kindling, you’d think the formalities would be complete, but don’t forget the ultimate formality, something that can’t be replaced by the insidious internet: The greeting card. Boxed, handmade, or custom printed. With or without a photo of the kids and family dog. Greeting cards get address lists updated and remind people that yes, you still love them (BF4EVA). They may even start small wars if you forget someone so leave the social faux pas to the neighbors and get your cards early so you can mail them early.

Click to see it bigger!I typically favor handmade cards but I think this year I may just forgo the arts and crafts because Giant Robot is offering holiday stationery sets featuring the work of several stellar, nouveau-weird artists such as Mark Ryden (one of my favorites). Grab a pack of 5×7 cards featuring Ryden’s “Creatrix” or his adorably twisted “Santa Snake” art.

Click to see it bigger!The noteworthy bizarrity continues at Giant Robot with artist cards from Gary Baseman and Camille Rose Garcia.

I hope this list of ghastly goodies is inspiration for you to make sure your holidays are a little more “horror” this year. I’m sure your family will be delighted to see how much thought you put into every aspect of your gift-giving, from the wrapping paper down to the greeting cards and avoid making you see the special head doctor just a little longer!

Michelle Lee

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Jon Condit

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