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Rip and Tear

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Alright. The days are whizzing by and you’re still standing in line for a PS3 aren’t you? At least your phone still delivers the internets (unless you’re in a lawnchair mooching bandwidth off of Best Buy you fushing feef!). If you’re going to insist upon marathon queuing, sit back, lean back, or remain painfully upright and enjoy another segment of Dread Central’s holiday shopping guide.

Today, I’m going to help save you the trouble of minutiae so you can remain focused on stuffing your closet with even more booty because there’s nothing more obnoxious than realizing not only are you out of Scotch tape. Equally distressing is realizing that all you have left for gift wrap is some pink confetti paper and yesterday’s obituaries; great for birthdays, not so much for seasonal swag.

Click to see the whole thing!So cease the foraging for newspaper and masking tape, put that construction paper down, and forget about the crayons. These days, there really is something for everyone and stationery isn’t just for summer camp and ransom notes anymore.

For those of you who were never good at folding notes in school let alone origami, the best way to shroud a gift in mystery is with a handy gift bag. Lucky for you, Gorey Details has some, as you guessed it, very cool Edward Gorey themed merch.

Click to see the whole thing!Adorned with Gorey’s signature scratchboard style, pick up some gift totes covered in appropriately spooky art ranging from mummies (pictured above) to dragons to the infamously tragic Gashleycrumb Tinies and of course, Dracula (to your left). With everything but the tissue paper including labels and tags, you can keep your loot pretty and organized for efficient distribution.

Click to see it bigger!If you do happen to have a knack for paper footballs then consider snagging a Dracula or Amphigorey gift wrap set containing two 20” x 30” (rolled) sheets of paper and a matching enclosure card. You can also pick up a 5’ roll of Epileptic Bicycle paper!

Click to see it bigger!And that’s not all! No really, Gorey Details is brimming with morbidly cheery stock so head over there posthaste for more gift wrap, note cards, labels, stickers, and several other Gorey and non-Gorey items but… if Edward Gorey is too lighthearted for you, you can always get a little nastier but you’ll have to learn how to coordinate your paws and master the envelope fold.

Click to see it bigger!My absolute favorite gift wrap this year has to be Vicious Paper Cut from VampFangs. At only $5.95 per pack you can stock up and cover everything in red or alternate all the blood with some simple yet effective Pitch Black wrap for the same price.

Click to see it bigger!If you want less blood and more “metal” then head over to T-Shirt Hell where you can pick up packs of 26” x 19” slick skull wrapping paper. The skull wrap is the most fiendishly horror-centric paper they’ve got by the way, but if you want to be downright evil, just remember to peruse the rest of T-Shirt Hell’s selections and understand how they came to be named.

With all this kindling, you’d think the formalities would be complete, but don’t forget the ultimate formality, something that can’t be replaced by the insidious internet: The greeting card. Boxed, handmade, or custom printed. With or without a photo of the kids and family dog. Greeting cards get address lists updated and remind people that yes, you still love them (BF4EVA). They may even start small wars if you forget someone so leave the social faux pas to the neighbors and get your cards early so you can mail them early.

Click to see it bigger!I typically favor handmade cards but I think this year I may just forgo the arts and crafts because Giant Robot is offering holiday stationery sets featuring the work of several stellar, nouveau-weird artists such as Mark Ryden (one of my favorites). Grab a pack of 5×7 cards featuring Ryden’s “Creatrix” or his adorably twisted “Santa Snake” art.

Click to see it bigger!The noteworthy bizarrity continues at Giant Robot with artist cards from Gary Baseman and Camille Rose Garcia.

I hope this list of ghastly goodies is inspiration for you to make sure your holidays are a little more “horror” this year. I’m sure your family will be delighted to see how much thought you put into every aspect of your gift-giving, from the wrapping paper down to the greeting cards and avoid making you see the special head doctor just a little longer!

Michelle Lee

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12 Classic Creepy Christmas Critters!

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Though Krampus and The Grinch usually get all the spooky holiday love, the team of Arthur Rankin, Jr., and Jules Bass at Rankin/Bass Productions, Inc., gave us many memorable monsters who revel in Christmas fear! Each year they lurk about on TV before a multitude of heroes have had a chance to change their black hearts into golden ones! Just like Ebenezer Scrooge at noon on Christmas Eve, these monsters start as spooky as can be, and we have a list of some of our absolute favorites for you below!

Aeon the Terrible

“Rudolph’s Shiny New Year” (1978)
Faster than you can scream “La Carcagne,” the giant claw(s) of Aeon the Terrible will swoop in and carry you off to the island of No-Name: a giant iceberg near the North Pole where the sun NEVER shines! This bad boy is known to terrorize the skies of the Sands of Time, a desert near Father Time’s castle. Dare you make the trek? Make sure you look up (you know… something the characters in Larry Cohen’s Q: The Winged Serpent NEVER did), or else you might lose your head!

Bumble the Abominable Snowman

“Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” (1968)
For many years man has searched for the missing link. Regardless of what you call it – Sasquatch, Bigfoot, the Yeti, the Abominable Snowman… this furry fear maker has been as elusive as finding a jawbone in a haystack on Farmer Vincent’s farm. It figures that none other than Rudolph would use his shiny red nose as a means to shed some light on this beast’s whereabouts! Let’s just be thankful he didn’t end up on Bumble’s menu. Lord knows this toothy terror tried!

Burgermeister Meisterburger

“Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town” (1970)
Sure, there’s nothing mythical or supernatural about Burgermeister Meisterburger, but here’s a guy who makes Scrooge look like Nelson Mandela. I mean, come on… not even old Ebenezer would have banned toys from an entire town! Or would he? The jury is still out on that one. Incidentally, the police are still on the lookout for a yet-to-be-identified male who was boiled in his own pudding and buried with a sprig of holly through his heart. If you are in possession of any info leading to the capture of the heartless villain who committed this heinous act, please call 800-423-TIPS.

Charlie in the Box

“Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” (1964)
Remember the cover of Child’s Play 2? I’m willing to bet that old Charlie in the Box was more than just a little inspirational to the artist who came up with it! Never mind clowns! We DARE you to stare into Charlie’s soulless eyes… the devil’s eyes…

Commander of the Wind Demons

“The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus” (1985)
How foul is the Commander of the Wind Demons? So foul that he hasn’t even been given a name… just a title. Even worse, this nasty creature has been taxed with deciding the fate of Santa Claus himself! There are a lot of really weird and disturbing characters in 1985’s “The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus,” which was based upon 1902 children’s book written by L. Frank Baum of the same name. You’ll be seeing some more of them on this very list should you have the gumption to keep on reading.

The Heat Miser

“The Year Without a Santa Claus” (1974)
If Satan himself were to don a festive costume, we’re pretty sure he’d look a lot like the dreaded Heat Miser from 1974’s “The Year Without a Santa Claus.” With his marvelous singing voice and flair for theatrics, is it really such a stretch?

Need more proof? Just try to get that damned song out of your head. Hell hath no fury, we tell ya!

King Awgwa

“The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus” (1985)
Quake in fear, kids! QUAKE IN FRIGGIN’ FEAR! King Awgwa is the leader of the Awgwas, a race of evil creatures that have the power to influence human minds. He also had the power to terrorize Karen Black via Zuni Fetish doll 10 years earlier, but that’s another tale… a whole trilogy of them.

Old Mag the Hag

“The Leprechauns’ Christmas Gold” (1981)
If the mythical Irish creatures known as Leprechauns have a scourge, it is no doubt Old Mag the Hag. A banshee who specialized in spreading bad luck wherever she went, Mag needed to dig her claws into a heaping helping of gold before Christmas Day or she would turn to tears and wash away forever. Reports of Mag have been eerily quiet since 1993. Despite multiple attempts Warwick Davis has remained unavailable for comment.

The Snow Miser

“The Year Without a Santa Claus” (1974)
The Yin to the Heat Miser’s Yang, the Snow Miser may be a bit more cheery than his hot-headed friend, but we can assure you that under that cheery exterior he has a heart of pure ice. He also suffers from the single most severe case of post-nasal drip we’ve ever seen. Seriously, someone get this dude a chisel and some tissue. Thanks.

The Evil Cossack King, Kubla Kraus

“Jack Frost” (1979)
The Evil Cossack King, Kubla Kraus is more or less the Dr. Frankenstein of the Rankin and Bass universe because he possesses the know-how to bring life to his creations… an army of Keh-Knights, amongst other robotic servants. Kraus sits upon the throne of his lair on Miserable Mountain, and the only thing on his agenda is keeping the residents of January Junction in a constant state of fear. Good thing old Jack Frost is around to chill him out, or his army of mechanical monsters would have no doubt taken over the world by now.

Winterbolt

“Rudolph and Frosty’s Christmas in July” (1979)
If Kraus could be considered a Doctor Frankenstein of sorts, then without question the evil sorcerer Winterbolt would have felt right at home in the Lord of the Rings universe at the side of Lord Saruman. This sneaky devil actually conjured that terrible storm in which Rudolph with his nose so bright guided Santa’s sleigh that night. Furious that his nefarious plan was foiled, Winterbolt rises with a vengeance and convinces both Frosty the Snowman and Rudy to head to Florida to become carny freaks for the dreaded ringmaster Sam Spangles. I know… WTF, right? Talk about a cold-hearted bastard.

The Winter Warlock

“Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town” (1970)
Without question, the most terrifying of all Rankin and Bass’ many creations was the infamous Winter Warlock. I mean, just look at this dude. He SCREAMS “I’m nefarious!” If he didn’t have the train fetish that he did, there’s no way ANYONE, Rudolph or otherwise, would ever have made it across the Mountain of the Whispering Wind, thereby killing Christmas off for good and plunging us all into a dark wonderland of humbug!

That’s it! Did we miss any of your favorites or rekindle some long dormant memories? Let us know in the comments section below. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good fright!

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Exclusive Desolation Clip Let Out of Isolation

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It’s not only Friday, Dreadheads! It’s also time for an exclusive clip from IFC Midnight’s release of Sam Patton’s Desolation! Look for the flick in select theaters, VOD, and Digital platforms beginning TODAY!

Jaimi Paige, Alyshia Ochse, Claude Duhamel, and Toby Nichols star.

Synopsis:
After the death of her husband, Abby (Jaimi Page); her son, Sam (Toby Nichols); and her best friend, Jen (Alyshia Ochse), venture into the forests of upstate NY on a camping trip, only to find themselves in danger from a mysterious hiker (Claude Duhamel) with malicious intentions. As the trio attempt to navigate the vast wilderness in search of safety, they find themselves the hunted prey in a deranged killer’s terrifying game; and the only way to survive is to kill – or be killed.

Desolation

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Exclusive: Megaherz Raise the Curtains With “Vorhang Auf” Video Premiere

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Today we’re teaming up with German industrial metal band Megaherz to bring you the exclusive music video premiere for their song “Vorhang Auf”, which appears on their upcoming album Komet. Directed by Adam D. Barker, the video sees the band performing in a domed, almost MMA-esque cage while surrounded by dozens upon dozens of tealight candles. This footage is intercut with a ballerina (Lauren Burton) performing her own dance moves to the Neue Deutsche Härte style of music.

Megaherz tells Dread Central, “Vorhang Auf (Let the Curtain Rise)” is a song about our lives, the stage, the whole energy we share with the audience. The pain, the intoxication, the strength. An incredulous feeling that makes everything else forget. Let’s dance together and let’s hope we don’t ever have to stop!

Komet comes out February 23 and can be pre-ordered through Napalm Records.

You can follow Megaherz on their official website and through Facebook.

Upcoming tour dates:
03.03.18 CH – Pratteln / Z7
04.03.18 DE – Stuttgart / Das Cann
08.03.18 DE – Frankfurt / Batschkapp
09.03.18 DE – Hannover / Musikzentrum
15.03.18 AT – Vienna / Szene
16.03.18 DE – Nuremberg / Hirsch
17.03.18 DE – Berlin / Columbia Theater
22.03.18 DE – Hamburg / Markthalle
23.03.18 DE – Oberhausen / Turbinenhalle II
24.03.18 DE – Leipzig / Hellraiser
14.04.18 DE – Munich / Backstage Werk
28.04.18 DE – Madgeburg / Factory

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