Bay Vs. Boll: Whoever Loses, We Win!

But, will there be explosions?

We interrupt your normal horror movie news to bring you the height of comedy. And by height of comedy I mean Uwe Boll challenging Michael Bay to face him in the ring for a mano-a-mano boxing match. Seriously! You cannot make this stuff up. When it comes to the antics of Uwe Boll, how can you make up stuff that’s wackier than the real thing?

Now as we’ve all come to learn, the director of House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne, In the Name of the King, and the upcoming Postal really has become something of a modern day carnival barker when it comes to self-promotion – or maybe he’s just insane. Who can really tell anymore? This is the guy who called out internet critics to face him in the boxing ring and, being a trained boxer, proceeded to pound the ever-loving snot out of the foolish web critics who took him up on his offer.

Lately, in promotion of the May 22nd release of his politically incorrect video game-inspired comedy Postal, he’s been talking up the movie in interviews and bizarre online rants, especially after someone started a petition to get Boll to stop making movies, tirades almost along the lines of a pro wrestler cutting promos on his hated opponents. In recent weeks he’s hurled insults at such Hollywood personalities as Spielberg, Harrison Ford, George Clooney, Gus Van Sant, and so on. One filmmaker in particular that Boll had some choice words for was Michael Bay.

I think he’s really bad. And I think the point is, if you get $250 million for every movie you do, how you gonna make a bad looking movie, with bad sound, bad special effects, whatever? But everything dependent on directing is bad in his movies. And so I think it’s kind of absurd, how some people are getting counted like they are geniuses or whatever. But the reality is that in a lot of these $150 million movies, the real credit deserves to the special effects people. Or the second unit crew.

Amazing, the blockbuster filmmaker actually took the time to respond by posting the following on his blog:

I find people who rant like that – calling shit about both me, and George Clooney – comes from someone screaming because he is not being heard. He is obviously a sad being.

When you ask ‘do I care?’ Not in the slightest.

Now with all due respect to Mr. Bay, if you really don’t care in the slightest then I don’t think you would have bothered to respond at all. You don’t see Steven Spielberg or George Clooney posting online messages responding to Boll’s comments about them.

Boll, however, does care and contrary to Mr. Bay’s psychological assessment, Boll is more mad than sad. Now he has officially called out the director of Transformers and Armageddon, challenging the king of ADD action sequences to lace up his gloves and meet him in the boxing ring. You can surf over to the Movieset website and watch a short video of Dr. Boll issuing the challenge in his own words or you can just read the text of what he had to say below.

Hi, here’s Uwe Boll and you see my outfit so you know what’s coming up now basically. Michael Bay responded to my note about him in a very insulting way for me. He said that he doesn’t care about me and this was very insulting because I care about him and I think that with the money he has for his movies, he sucks big time. I think it’s time to meet in the ring actually.

So it’s my message to Michael Bay, Michael, in between your pool parties in LA or your casting sessions with the strippers you should start training now. And I’m sure you look good, you look thin. I saw you at the Hollywood Film Festival, I think you’re a fit guy and you do like private karate Asia bullshit crap fighting stuff in LA where you think you’re super cool that you do that with your 500 bucks per hour trainer.

So let’s meet in the ring in September or October. Pay-per-view. Mandalay Bay. Las Vegas. Twelve rounds of boxing. Boll against Bay.

It’s also independent against the studio system and I think that this day in Mandalay Bay in Las Vegas we will clear it up who is not only the better director who is also able to fight more for that what he wants.

OK Michael, if you see that message I expect that your people contacting me, it will be all arranged. We even make money with it, and so let’s go for it. Boll against Bay. It’s on.

So will Michael Bay take the bait?

Will we get a director vs. director boxing match on PPV this October?

Will the current reigning king of blowing shit up on film agree to step into the ring with the man who currently wears the crown as the king of shit films?

The biggest question of all: which one will audience members cheer on?

One thing is for certain, if Bay does take the bait, there’s no doubt that his ring entrance will involve massive amounts of pyrotechnics.

Boll vs. Bay: the filmmaking fight of the century!

Stay tuned, fight fans, for further updates!


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  • Impure159

    I agree with the celebrity deathmatch comment, I’d pay to see these two fight whether it ends in death or not.

  • Cash Bailey

    Boll used to be an endearingly deluded carnival barker. Now he’s just become a thuggish pest.

  • thedudeabides

    Its like a retarded version of Thunderdome.

  • Cash Bailey

    Oh, for fuck’s sake!!

    To put things into perspective, Bay made BAD BOYS (his first feature) for only about $30 million. And it looked TEN TIMES better than Boll’s $70 fantasy dud. So his argument that only money buys you a good looking film is horse-shit.

    For someone to make me feel sympathetic towards Michael Bay a remarkable amount if douche-osity is required. And Boll has finally reached that level.

  • Terminal

    Uwe Boll IS a genius.

  • G.D.

    Should this be amusing or something? If it was someone like Eli Roth who makes shitty movies but seems to have some sort of directorial talent, it would be one thing, but it’s not like Dr Boll is any better a director than Michael Bay. How about he challenges someone to a filmmaking challenge, to shoot the same script and see whose movie turns out better? Oh, is it because he’s a shitty filmmaker whose movies aren’t even as good as the turd that was Bad Boys 2?

  • Agonistes

    They both should both be crushed by the lighting scaffolding, Celebrity Deathmatch style.

  • NeoKefka

    *climbs up into the bleachers and starts waving a tiny flag*

    C’mon Uncle Uwe, yoo can doo eet!

  • frank_dracman

    I love the Boll.