DVD Releases: Sweeney’s Swamp Thing Prom Night
Johnny Butane
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No joke, these are the horror DVDs you’ll be able to purchase come Tuesday, April 1st, 2008…
The Cook (2007)
Directed by Gregg Simon
A long holiday weekend encourages the hot girls belonging to a sorority to stay on campus and indulge themselves in all manner of carnal pleasures, including the wonderful meals prepared by their odd new cook. As they start disappearing one by one, though, the walking stereotypes have to stop the cannibalistic madman before there are no hot girls left on campus. As if the cover didn’t tip you off that this is an idiotic movie, check out our “>DVD review of The Cook to learn more! Buy it here!
Das Komabrutale Duell (1999)
Directed by Heiko Fipper
The things kids do these days, when everyone and their sister has a camcorder and can make movies on the weekend, are downright shameful compared to this bizarre indie German splatter film. Imagine, if you will, 90 minutes of sporadic dialogue and near endless slaughter as two rival groups keep on killing one another over and over and over again. It’s not brilliant or even all that smart, but it is incredibly, disgustingly bloody. Look for my full DVD review soon! Buy it here!
Divine Intervention (2007)
Directed by Rufus Chaffee
A simple weekend out to party their brains out turns into something much worse for Holly and Sarah. First they have to deal with the local bad boy who feels he’s been wronged by them; then they meet up with a thug who believes he’s harvesting souls for an Army of God, which is why he’s killing anyone and everyone he can. When will girls ever learn to take a male escort with them when going out for a weekend of debauchery? Buy it here!
Eye of the Beast (2007)
Directed by Gary Yates
A giant squid terrorizes a small fishing village in Canada. What more do you need to know, I mean really? Between that simple plot description (and believe me, the film doesn’t get much deeper than that) and this badass cover, possibly one of the best I’ve ever seen for a nature-gone-amok movie, what’s stopping you from going out and getting this right now? Be sure you read our “>Eye of the Beast review first, just so you know what you’re in for. Buy it here!
Fear House (2007)
Directed by Michael R. Morris
A group heads out to track down their friend, reclusive writer Samantha Ballard, and finds her hidden away in an isolated house. When they show up, it’s already too late for them, as Samantha informs them that the house will kill them with their own worst fear if they attempt to leave. Of course they don’t believe her until Samantha’s ex-husband and his girlfriend die horrible deaths. Then shit gets real. Buy it here!
Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II (1987)
Directed by Bruce Pittman
Ugh. Thanks to the upcoming Prom Night remake that no one cares about, we get to talk about this uninspired sequel (in name only) to the original. After being killed by her boyfriend on Prom Night, Prom Queen Mary Lou decides to wait 30 years to enact her revenge, taking over the body of the date of her boyfriend’s son (sorry, is that too confusing?) and causing all manner of mayhem. Buy it here!
Hell’s Threshold (2006)
Directed by Felix Diaz
A journalist has the thankless task of protecting the world from a bloodthirsty demon known as Apostolos. Every time the planets align a certain way, the demon sets out to satiate its hunger for blood and death. Tonight the planets have aligned just so, and the journalist sets out to stop the demon and avenge the brutal death of his wife at the hands of a relentless killer. Buy it here!
Mayhem Motel (2001)
Directed by Karl Kempter
Since I could not find out a lot about this movie (granted I didn’t look too hard), I will just tell you that a lot of sick and depraved shit goes down in this motel, the kind of stuff some of us only dream about. In nightmares, of course. Cause why would I dream about spankings? And when I say “I”, of course I mean “we”, as in all of us. Not just me. I have no reason to want to be spanked or beaten, so why would I, personally, dream about it? I’ve said too much. Buy it here!
Purvos (2004)
Directed by Jerry Williams
I wonder how long it would take for one to reach the conclusion that all the insomnia patients they’re treating are dreaming about the same clown. I mean, really, a clown? That’s a bit of a stretch. Nevertheless, that’s what a researcher finds out is haunting the dreams of those who can’t sleep. Inspired by the “Can’t Sleep. Clowns Will Eat Me” shirts you can find at any Hot Topic! Actually I don’t know if that’s true, but it wouldn’t surprise me. Buy it here!
Return of Swamp Thing (1989)
Directed by Jim Wynorski
The man made of swamp things, Swamp Thing, returns to do battle with Dr. Arcane, who has a whole new army of creatures malformed by genetic mutations to fight for him. He also makes the wise choice of nabbing Heather Locklear as his new lady, though dissing Adrienne Barbeau is never a good idea if you ask me. This isn’t exactly everyone’s favorite Swamp Thing adventure, but it did pave the way for the TV show, which was kinda cool. Buy it here!
Sole Survivor (1982)
Directed by Thom Eberhardt
Years before Final Destination, there was Sole Survivor, the story of a girl who is the only one to walk away from a plane crash. She ignores all the warnings of her psychic friend and tries to move on with her life, but she’s cheated Death … and Death don’t take kindly to that. Instead of using the power of convenience like the FD movies do, Death just sends his minions to bring her to him. Seems simpler that way, no? Buy it here!
Sweeney Todd (2007)
Directed by Tim Burton
Tim Burton translates the Broadway musical to the big screen with the help of Johnny Deep and Helena Bonham Carter and makes it as rad and red as he possibly can. Though the film is beautiful to behold, the extras crammed onto this 2-disc release are just amazing, to say the least. Don’t believe me? Check out our “>DVD Sweeney Todd DVD review to read about the whole thing! Buy it here!
War of the Worlds 2: The Next Wave (2008)
Directed by C. Thomas Howell
Whoa, is this a joke? C. Thomas Howell actually directed something for The Asylum? Did he lose a bet or something? Fucked up. Anyway, this sequel to Asylum’s in-house adaptation of the H.G. Wells book finds the aliens coming back with a second wave of fighters bent on destroying the Earth, but this time we’re ready for them, damnit! C. Thomas also stars of course. Check out our “>War of the Worlds 2 review to learn more! Buy it here!
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