The DVDs you’ll be able to make your own on Tuesday, March 25th include…
The joke is on us this time, as the guys who brought us the ultra-lame Horrorfest entry The Hamiltons decide to remake an 80’s slasher classic and fill it with vapid, annoying characters that you can’t even pretend to care about long enough for the movie to off them. Do yourself a favor; rent the original, get fucked up on your drug of choice, and have a good time. Just don’t get this limp, lifeless remake. Don’t believe me? Check our “>April Fool’s Day DVD review for more! Buy it here!
Here’s some advice; if you’re an ex-con with repeated dreams about strangling women, it might not be a good idea to take a job as a caretaker on a large estate owned by three sisters. That’s just asking for trouble. Of course, as soon as our hero does take the job, blue-eyed women begin being killed, their eyeballs removed and placed in bowls of water. Available uncut for the first time ever! Buy it here!
So Dracula had all sorts of familial issues, it seems. Even he wasn’t immune to having a fucked-up family, even though he could’ve offed them all and eaten the evidence. In this tale, Drac’s granddaughter returns to the family castle to give birth to a new generation of bloodsucker. Meanwhile, her husband starts fooling around with Dracula’s brides, which is not a way to get on his good side… Buy it here!
A troubled teenager. A town with a haunted past. An urban legend that may be more than just a spooky story. What could be more terrifying? Taxes. Anyway, this story is about a kid with emotional issues who aims to get to the bottom of her town’s 50-year old legend of a train that collided with a school bus, killing all the kids on board. The reason said teen is obsessed is a series of killing that are claiming the lives of townsperson after townsperson. Buy it here!
One wonderful Christmas evening, all the members of the Verlaine Commune are brutally killed except one; Rebecca. She is, however, badly injured and falls into a long coma. She awakens years later and starts to put her life together again, falling in love and everything, but just when everything looks perfect, haunting visions start to plague her. Are the dead seeking revenge? Buy it here!
Paul Naschy stars as a mercenary who double crosses his partner and gets shot for it. He’s taken in by a wealthy doctor, whose two beautiful daughters help nurse him back to health. The girls have issues of their own, being haunted by the ghost of their mother, and soon he realizes that he’s in more danger staying in the house than he is getting out of it. Hilarity ensues. No, not really. Buy it here!
With bankruptcy looming, a man is forced to leave his bedridden wife in the care of her nurse an schizophrenic son. The son, seizing his chance to be head of the household, locks the nurse out and decides to care for his mother on his own. Of course he misses his own medication, screws up hers, and pretty soon a nightmare has descended on the once-quiet manor. Read our “>Living and the Dead review for more! Buy it here!
Finally, the best Stephen King adaptation in years comes home, complete with tons of extra features on the two-disc edition (pictured) that will make it even more a of “duh” purchase. Now we can finally hear what Frank was thinking with that ending and where the idea came from (the answer will surprise you). There’s no reason to even think twice, even if you hated the ending like I did. Read our “>DVD review of The Mist for more! Buy it here!
A bunch of American kids hook up with a friend in Ireland who promises them some of the best shrooms they’ve ever eaten. For those of you who are straight edge, that means hallucinogenic mushrooms. Anyway, the shrooms work a little too well, as a girl begins having prophetic visions of her friends being slaughtered, and then finds herself alone in the woods with a killer on her heels. Buy it here!
Wow, now this one sounds like the kinda movie you get drunk to; two sisters go to a seaside resort to relax after the death of their father. What was supposed to be a quiet weekend away soon descends into an orgy of kinky sex, massive drug use, psychotic lesbians and a killer who tears women apart with his teeth! Needless to say the siblings do anything but rest on their vacation… Buy it here!
All right, a gay sci-fi epic about men using electricity to get off; just what we’ve all been waiting for. When Dr. Bill Matthews is struck by lightning, he’s cared for by a sexy intern who’s also been exposed to the same phenomenon, and he intros the doc to an underground society of gay folks who use electricity to reach ecstasy. Pretty soon they’re both addicted to sockets and one another, but it’s never enough for Bill. Buy it here!
Have you seen and do you love Hot Fuzz as much as I? If so, you’re going to have some real issues with Them when the psychos are revealed. That’s all I’m going to say about it, save that I really don’t get what all the hoopla was about for this flick; it’s pretty dull from start to finish. Check out our “>Them DVD review for more. Buy it here!
– Johnny Butane
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