Asylum Madness Overload!
Steve Barton
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Oh, that wacky, wacky Asylum … Who else besides them would so shamelessly capitalize on the release of the upcoming Alien vs. Predator sequel with a movie called AVH: Alien vs. Hunter? Yep, they’ve even gone so far as to use an AVH logo for good measure. I don’t think even Roger Corman was ever that shameless. There was a time when their doing such things would have angered me because I was initially of the belief that The Asylum was a small production company with enormous potential going to waste. Now I just roll with it and find myself amused seeing what sort of “mockbuster” they’ll come up with next. Unfortunately, the concepts and artwork they come up with tend to be bigger and better than the actual films. That part still irks me.
But I’ll be at my local Blockbuster on December 18th to snatch up a copy of AVH: Alien vs. Hunter because I want to see an Asylum-produced mockbuster about a galactic hunter chasing the most dangerous alien creature in the universe to planet Earth where humans – specifically, Michelle’s sister Dedee Pfeiffer and “The Greatest American Hero” William Katt – get caught up in the crossfire between predator and alien prey. Directing the film is Scott Harper, who gave us Supercroc (review) earlier this year. You remember Supercroc; the giant monster movie where the giant monster doesn’t do much of anything other than mostly wander around aimlessly? Here’s hoping the alien and the hunter are more active participants in their flick.
I’ll also be there on November 20th when Mark Dacascos finds himself the last man on earth having to battle mutant zombie creatures in I Am Omega. Having already twice reported on this one I’ve nothing more to add other than you can check out the trailer by clicking here.
I’ll even be there on 1-15-08 when The Asylum releases Tokyo; the title of which may or may not change, depending on when and if JJ Abrams and company ever bother to announce a new title for their Cloverfield/01-18-08 monster movie. After a massive earthquake in Tokyo, two American filmmakers document the true cause of the destruction. I don’t think you need me to tell you that the true cause happens to be a giant monster. I’m under the impression the film is also shot from the P.O.V. of people at ground level using their handheld cameras. Believe it or not, I hear they actually did shoot it on location in Tokyo.
And having snooped around the American Film Market website, I’ve even stumbled more 2008 Asylum offerings about that we can all begin looking forward to. Many of the listings were even accompanied by what was, I hope, temporary promotional artwork.
2012 Doomsday – Three intersecting stories converge in a Mayan temple where the secret to the Biblical End Times is revealed. Neither Mel Gibson nor Kirk Cameron are anywhere to be found. This original Asylum pseudo-spiritual thriller is in post-production as we speak. I’d guess it’ll be their February or March release. It stars acting journeyman Cliff DeYoung, Pet Semetary star Dale Midkiff, and the answer a to “Whatever happened to She’s Out of Control and Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings cutie Ami Dolenz. With a cast like that you’d think this movie was being released by Trimark fifteen years ago.
Prehistoric – The Asylum’s answer to Roland Emmerich’s 10,000 B.C. but instead of setting it in prehistoric times, they’re bringing prehistoric times to us. Scientists discover time travel with horrible consequences when they inadvertantly bring a carnivorous dinosaur back to modern Los Angeles. Such a film would instantly excite me except I still have a bad taste in my mouth from Supercroc.
War of the Worlds: The Next Wave – A sequel to the Asylum mockbuster that pretty much launched their mockbuster trend; when a second wave of martians attack and escape with human captives, NASA and the military prepare for a daring rescue mission. But will C. Thomas Howell return? I wonder if this will lead to The Asylum making more sequels such as When a Killer Calls Back or King of the Lost World Lives?
AirForce – Yet more Asylum alien invasion fun! This time an original idea about an international air force of stealth fighters rallying together to stop invading alien fighters. I can only hope and pray this is just a temporary title until they come up with something better, otherwise, the James Wood flick Cop may no longer be the most generic movie title in film history.
King Solomon’s Mines – I assume you’ve heard there’s a new Indiana Jones movie coming to screens next year? The Asylum are getting in on the action with a mockbuster that is, ironically, a retelling of the same classic H. Rider Haggard penned Allan Quartermain adventure that Cannon made back in 1985 to themselves cash-in on the Indiana Jones wave. No listing of any cast members, so I’m left to assume that guy on the poster is not the actual star. At least I hope not! I’m wondering which Asylum office employee they used for the teaser art model?
Merlin and the War of the Dragons – An army of dragons invade the crippled English countryside and the apprentice wizard Merlin must confront the fire-breathing beasts. “Apprentice wizard”? Does this mean its Merlin as a kid? Is this The Asylum finally taking a stab are Harry Potter or Chronicles of Narnia-dom?
Also listed on the production page of The Asylum’s own website are Death Racing, their mockbuster answer to the upcoming Death Race 2000 remake, and something currently known only as “Untitled Western”. I can only hope this means they’re finally making that Hulk Hogan-starring western A Fistful of Steroids I pitched ages ago. Probably not, but a man can dream.
Ironically, this week also sees the release of The Asylum’s latest: 666: The Beast, featuring the Antichrist’s latest feeble cinematic attempt to circumvent the Book of Revelation’s outcome. Given this is The Asylum and the movie does not star Kirk Cameron, I suppose there is an outside chance the devil might actually get his due in this time. I’ll be reviewing it shortly.
I report on The Asylum’s releases so much shouldn’t I start getting a publicist’s fee at this point?
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