A Very Dark Xmas
Joe Knetter
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“Santa’s coming tonight. Santa’s coming tonight”, Ricky yelled.
Gene looked out the window from his 2nd floor bedroom into his backyard. Ricky, known affectionately around the neighborhood as Ricky the retard, stood staring up, showing a wide spit dribbling grin; boogers were frozen to his upper lip creating the appearance of either a green mustache or a facial cum-shot by the Jolly Green Giant. Ricky was much older than Gene; at seventeen he was almost twice his age. But the truth was, being with Ricky was more like being with a six-year-old. It wasn’t his fault and Gene didn’t give him too much shit like the other kids. He was just born stupid.
Ricky began waving to Gene as soon as he saw him in the window. Gene waved back and tried to force a smile. It looked more like a twitch, but it was good enough for Ricky. He started clapping almost immediately.
Gene stepped away from the window and looked at the calendar hanging on his wall. Sure enough it was December 24th. His heart began to beat faster and sweat started to run off of his forehead as his nine-year-old ass began to clench and unclench in spastic spasms. He was reaching the age when most kids quit believing in Santa Clause. Gene knew the truth. There really was a Santa Claus. Not the fruity fuckers you saw hanging at the mall taking pictures with the kids. Those guys were just schmucks looking for enough money to buy their Christmas booze. He had outgrown sitting on their laps and asking for presents a couple of years ago. He did his wishing alone in his room. There was only one thing he prayed for this Christmas. Not a new bike like most kids his age or even a groovy new video game. None of them even came close. The only thing he wanted…prayed for…was that he could make it through the night without getting ass-banged by Santa Claus.
For over thirty years Travis and Jeremy had the distinction of being the two elves Santa took along on his Christmas Eve run. At first they were both proud of their promotion. In elf lore it was the pinnacle achievement. If you were chosen to accompany the big man on his yearly jaunt then you would go down in the record books as being one of the great elves. When they got the call they were excited beyond belief. They proudly walked toward the sleigh with their heads held high. The jealous looks they got from the other elves just added to their pleasure. The night was everything they thought it could be. It was magical. In truth the first few years were.
In 1977 the trip just seemed to be lagging. From the beginning something seemed to be off. By midnight they were already significantly behind schedule. Santa just didn’t have the pep he normally had. He seemed to just be coasting through the night falling farther and farther behind. When they arrived back at the North Pole in the morning there was tension in the air. Because of the lack of time Santa had decided to skip delivering presents to Australia completely. It was the first time in history he didn’t complete his run. He was tired and embarrassed as they climbed out of his sleigh.
“Listen guys, not a word about this to any of the other elves OK. I don’t want any of them to find out we didn’t do all the deliveries.” Santa said frowning.
They were greeted in the hallway by all the elves that cheered and clapped their return. They put on a false smile and took the congratulations on a job well done. They felt like shit. Jeremy wondered how all the Aussie kids felt the next morning?
The next year Santa discovered Cocaine and they never missed another house. He would line up a rail each time they changed time zones and he would snort it down. It kept them moving in record time. He even let a few of the reindeer do some lines. After Rudolf overdosed he stopped letting them take part in the festivities. Flying reindeer were tough to find and he couldn’t afford to lose any more.
To say Santa changed was an understatement. Jeremy and Travis rolled with the punches and learned to expect the unexpected.
About ten years ago Mrs. Claus went through menopause and decided she didn’t want to have sex again…ever. Santa told them about it during the flight.
“Bitch says she’s done with it. Her pooter just done dried out”, Santa said pissed off. “She says that time of our life is over. We need to stop thinking about it. Stop thinking about it? What the fuck is she thinking? Just because her river ran dry doesn’t mean the fucking mountain must come down.”
He snorted a few extra rails during that trip and at 4 am in a drug-induced state in a little town just outside Amsterdam, sodomized a boy.
Jeremy and Travis were appalled when they found out but they couldn’t do anything about it. It was Santa Claus after all. Their hero. The one they were born to worship and obey. It was all they knew from the moment they were born. Plus, he told them if they ever told anyone, he would do the same thing to them. He’d fuck their little assholes and when he was done delivering his Christmas cheer, he’d pick them up and spike them onto the ground like a football. He’d even do a celebratory dance around their lifeless bodies; maybe piss on their dead, midget faces.
Travis and Jeremy had grown to hate Christmas. While everyone else got into the Christmas spirit as the holiday approached, they dreaded the day. As much as they loved bringing joy to the millions of children in the world, more often than not, the face that wouldn’t leave their thoughts and dreams would be that of the victimized child. There was always one a year after that first one. It would be so much easier if they didn’t have to see the act, but Santa liked an audience and he made them watch. He was gleeful about it. He would usually put the plate with milk and cookies on his victim’s backs and he’d nibble on the cookies as he violated them.
Santa was a sick fuck all right.
Gene laid in his bed as the clock struck midnight. He nervously waited to hear the footsteps on the roof, signifying the arrival of Santa Claus. Last year he had managed to stay up. He saw Santa come down the chimney and put the presents under the tree. He hid behind the couch and watched Santa work. He stayed hidden until a tiny little fart escaped from his backside. He’d had turkey for dinner and it always gave him gas. Santa turned and noticed him immediately. He smiled.
“Stand up Gene”, Santa said merrily.
He stood up slowly and looked at his feet. He had always been told that if you stayed up, Santa wouldn’t give you any presents. He felt as though his whole tiny world was crumbling.
“Why do you look so sad?” Santa asked.
“Because you’re gonna take my presents back now aren’t you?” Gene replied.
Santa laughed merrily.
“The presents are yours to keep. But you shouldn’t be staying up and hiding. That’s not what good boys do. Let’s get you back in your room and I’ll give you another present. A special one only for the best children.”
Gene smiled as Santa led him hand in hand back to his bedroom upstairs. Santa left his bag of toys next to the tree and Gene was worried for a minute that he wouldn’t get another present. He looked at Santa and noticed a big bulge in his pocket. His present must be in there. He soon found out how right he was.
As they landed on the roof of the house Travis and Jeremy exchanged worried looks. It was the house from last year. Just 365 days ago they had escaped seeing the act because it was very sudden and spur of the moment. They didn’t even know it happened until they saw the gleam in Santa’s eyes as he climbed out of the chimney. Santa had never repeated a special visit with the same kid. It was always a different one, yet now they were back.
Santa stepped off of the sleigh and reached into his pocket. He pulled out his coke vial and straw. He walked up to Comet and wiped the snow from his backside. Santa sprinkled a line of coke on the reindeer’s ass and quickly snorted a line. He rubbed his nose and put the stuff back into his pocket.
“Come on”, he said as he squeezed his cock and climbed down the chimney.
Jeremy and Travis got out of the sleigh and followed him down.
Gene took a deep breath and cringed under his blanket as he heard the footsteps coming down the hall. They could only belong to one person.
The door opened and Santa stepped into the room.
Gene pulled the blanket up to his eyes and began to cry quietly.
Santa undid his belt and let his pants fall to the ground. His penis was rock hard. The head of it was tattooed bright red. He had a tribal tattoo right above his cock that was shaped like a pair of antlers. It was a tribute to Rudolf he got in China while he was there scoring some blow.
He began to sing a mixture of holiday classics and porno music as he stepped forward.
“Bong Chicka Bong Bow Bow Bow Bow.”
Gene peered out from under the blanket and saw a quick movement in the doorway behind Santa. He hoped it was his parents coming to his aid, but after a brief moment, realized it wasn’t. His mind must be playing tricks on him. It was going to happen again, just like last year.
Santa dropped to his knees on the edge of the bed and began pleasuring himself.
“I’m gonna make you shit my cock outta your ass kid”, Santa mumbled, breathing hard, “Ho, ho ho, Merry fucking Christmas.”
Jeremy and Travis moved quickly. Travis leaped onto the back of Santa’s head and shoulders and pulled back with all his might. Jeremy held the blade to Santa’s throat and slid it quickly to the side. Santa’s throat opened and blood began to cascade out. Sick gargling noises filled the room as Santa collapsed onto the floor. He stared up in disbelief, as the floor around him was painted red.
Jeremy and Travis stared at Santa as he died. Here was a man the whole world loved and worshipped, a man that made millions of people smile, a man that had drifted into madness. They knew this would be their last trip with him. They couldn’t stand to watch it happen again. They had decided to kill him during breakfast that morning.
Looking at the smile on Gene’s face they knew they made the right decision. Besides they could finish the deliveries themselves. They knew the route by heart. By 7 am they would be back at the North Pole. By noon the Elf gang-bang would be well underway.
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