We already have RoboCop, Timecop, Maniac Cop, Psycho Cop, Vampire Cop, WolfCop, Scanner Cop, Demon Cop, and Cannibal Cop. So why not add an Amityville Cop to the list of cinematic policemen defying God’s laws?
A few nights ago, Matt Serafini came across an IMDb listing for Amityville Cop and tweeted about it as if this were something to be scorned. Wrong, I say! The only thing about this that deserves scorn is that it is still in active development and is not already a reality for all of us to pass judgment as to whether we have just witnessed a new cult classic or a crime against cinema.
This paranormal policeman magnum force opus is to be written and directed by Massachusetts filmmaker Geno McGahee, whose other horror offerings include Evil Awakening, Rise of the Scarecrows, Sickle, and Satanic Meat Cleaver Massacre.
The one sentence plot synopsis for Amityville Cop goes like this: “A renegade cop must hunt down a possessed killer during a catastrophic snowstorm.”
In keeping with the true story of The Amityville Horror, I really hope the serial killer’s name is “Lutz” and it turns out he was faking his possession the whole time in order to try to make himself even more infamous.
Also, I have to take issue with the weak tagline on the Maniac Cop-inspired artwork. That should read “YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN HAUNTED FOREVER!” If anyone involved with the production is reading this, you’re welcome. It’s all yours. That’s called money.
Also money, it would seem, is slapping the word “Amityville” into the title of a low-budget horror flick. In looking up Amityville Cop on IMDb, I discovered at least a half-dozen more low-budget forthcoming “Amityville” movies in various stages of production and development.
- Amityville Bulldozer looks to take the franchise into Killdozer territory by having a possessed bulldozer massacre mortals. However, rather than get possessed from having been used to demolish the Amityville house, this bulldozer gets Maximum Overdrive’d by a meteor, which really does make it more of a Killdozer rip-off than an Amityville wannabe.
- Amityville High has no plot synopsis at the moment, but I think we can pretty much guess where that one is headed based on the title alone.
- Return to Amityville, Amityville: The Beginning, and Amityville: The Legacy 3-D are all currently in development. No plot synopsis on any of them, but again, I think we can guess where they’re headed.
- Amityville: Evil Never Dies sees a homeowner possessed by a malicious spirit manifesting inside a toy symbol monkey from the original Amityville (non)haunting.
- And then there’s the Amityville Horror/Annabelle demon doll dual knock-off: Amityville Creation. With a title like that, how is this not an Asylum mockbuster?
Keep in mind these are on top of Amityville: The Awakening, Amityville Exorcism, The Amityville Terror, The Amityville Legacy, Amityville: Vanishing Point, Amityville: No Escape, The Amityville Playhouse, and Amityville Death House just from the last three years alone.
The horror… The horror…