Ladies and gentlemen, I do not want to overly alarm everyone, but the martians have invaded Arizona! These are not the good sort of extraterrestrials; do not offer them Reese’s Pieces or a trip to McDonalds and do not allow any to live in your attic as there will be no amusing shenanigans or comical discussions about the eating of cats. These aliens are deemed toothy and extremely dangerous. If you live in the Copper State you are advised to take shelter immediately. Senator John McCain is currently pushing for a surge to combat the invading alien menace.
ALIEN… INVASION… ARIZONA… As is par with Lionsgate, the box art is pretty swanky. But that title – egads! How many seconds do you think the folks at Lionsgate spent coming up with the retitling of this flick? I vote 7 seconds. I imagine the conversation went something like this:
LIONSGATE EXEC #1: Okay, our next movie is called The Selena Incident.
LIONSGATE EXEC #2: Terrible title. Will never sell. Needs a new title … What’s this crapfest about?
LIONSGATE EXEC #1: Well, some evil alien creatures land in Arizona and…
LIONSGATE EXEC #2: Aliens invade Arizona, huh? Alien Invasion Arizona … There’s your new title. What’s next?
LIONSGATE EXEC #1: Uh, okay, umm, the next movie in need of a new title has to do with a bunch of teenagers that get stranded in the woods, find a dilapidated house, and get butchered by a…
LIONSGATE EXEC #2: THE BUTCHER … That’s what we’ll call it. Anything else; can we speed this up? I got a racquetball game at two and my weekly domination session with Mistress Clarice at three-thirty.
This film in question has already been released in some overseas markets under its original title, The Selena Incident, but somehow someone at Lionsgate decided The Selena Incident sounded too generic (which it does) and decided to change to something that’s not only more generic, it’s so mindlessly generic it’s hilarious – Alien Invasion Arizona. From what few reviews I’ve found about the movie, “mindlessly generic” seems to be a fitting description. “Crap” would also be acceptable. I can’t imagine this “alien” possibly being worse than Alien 51 or Alien 3000 or Alien Express.
“After a mysterious, extraterrestrial object lands in the mining town of Selena Arizona, the government dispatches a team of Marines to contain the possible threat. Meanwhile, a group of death row inmates ambush their prison bus and take the guards and personnel aboard hostage. Arriving in the seemingly deserted town, they come across the Special Ops captain, the sole survivor of a horrible carnage that’s decimated the rest of his unit. Now, with time running out, the group must unite to combat the threat of the savage aliens hunting them in the mine tunnels below, and the peril above from a squad of fighter planes sent to bomb the town to oblivion, in this pulse-pounding, sci-fi thriller.”
Alien Invasion Arizona will invade DVD shelves on April 17th.
And here I bet Arizonians thought their illegal alien problem was bad enough.
Be thankful you don’t play raquetball in our forums!