Vampire Fish Fall from the Sky in The Gasp Menagerie

Much like the citizens of Amity, I just can’t seem to stay out of the water lately! Unfortunately, these creatures can, and that’s what make this just generally not okay.

Lampreys are eel-like fish able to do one thing: swim up to a bigger critter, apply a nightmarish suck-hole of teeth and razor tongue to them, drill a hole, and suck everything out like a big swimming smoothie.

I’m not okay with them. Let’s just say that.

I’m even less okay with what’s happened recently in Alaska and Ireland: These bastards have been falling from the sky.

Via MSN we get the tale of several dropping on Fairbanks, with at least one or two also dropping on Ireland. They even have a photo of one latched onto a car in the latter location, which makes it clear they’re both bloodthirsty and stupid.

Scientists say this is caused by gulls swooping down, grabbing an adult, and finding it far too wiggly to hang onto while they fly. We all know this is almost certainly false and a cover-up for what will be an attack from the depths by flying vampiric buzzsaw-face eel things.

Asylum, here’s a freebie or two. Lampocalypse? Lampnado? Sharknado vs. the Blood-Guzzling Fish Fuckers?

Better get one of those in front of cameras before we’re ducking this bastards for real.

Vampire Fish

Vampire Fish

The Gasp Menagerie

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Mr. Dark

A man of mystery. An enigma wrapped in a riddle wrapped in a low-carb whole grain tortilla. A guy who writes about spooky stuff.

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