Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn (Blu-ray)
Anthony Arrigo
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Starring Jeffrey Byron, Tim Thomerson, Richard Moll, Kelly Preston
Directed by Charles Band
Distributed by Scream Factory
Have you ever found yourself watching The Road Warrior (1981) and thought, “This is awesome but it could be awesomer with arcane magic and one-eyed half-cyborg villains who shoot liquid green goo that sends their enemies to another dimension”? Then friend, look no further than Charles Band’s dystopian sci-fi camp fest with a mouthful of a title, Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn (1983). Band has long been one of horror’s most colorful showmen, sort of like a newer version of Roger Corman without some of the bigger successes. His films are usually done on the cheap, budget-wise, but the lack of cash offers up a creative void that he fills with talented crew members, scene-chewing actors, and as much possible production value that can be put on the screen. The ambition shows through because while Metalstorm might objectively be a bad movie it is jammed with so many fun moments and bursts of creativity that those into such cheesy ‘80s fare won’t be able to wipe the smile from their faces.
Dogen (Jeffrey Byron) is an intergalactic ranger who has just set down on the planet Lemuria in search of the evil Jared-Syn (Mike Preston), who is here trying to take over the world. Syn and his son, Baal (R. David Smith), a half-cyborg with a hydraulic arm that sprays a dimensional gateway liquid (don’t ask), have been terrorizing the local population looking for special crystals that are capable of storing lifeforce. Dhyana (an unrecognizable, young Kelly Preston) and her father found such a crystal, right before Baal had him killed and their find seized. Dogen meets up with Kelly after her father’s death and she joins him in his quest to stop Syn. The two visit Zax (Marty Zagon), a local mystic who explains the crystal’s power and helps to guide the two of them. Dogen must visit a lost city, once home to an ancient race known as the Cyclopians, where he will find a magic mask that can assist in defeating Syn.
The trip doesn’t go smoothly. Baal attacks and sprays Dogen with his green liquid after a lengthy car chase, sending him into a nightmare state. Dhyana cares for him but after Syn appears to Dogen in his dreams she is suddenly teleported away while a glowing Lite Brite demon takes her place, leaving Dogen to act quickly and battle. He continues on his own, eventually coming across Rhodes (Tim Thomerson), a weary soldier who’d rather spend his days at the bar than stopping bad guys. Reluctantly, though, he agrees to accompany Dogen on his mission – just like you knew he would. They head deep into the Cyclopian ruins and find the mask… but they also find Hurok (Richard Moll) and his band of roving warriors. Hurok hails from Cyclopian blood and considers this place sacred; Dogen could be killed but instead he is given the chance to win his escape via duel. He does, making a new friend of Hurok in the process. Now, armed with this see-through magic mask and a couple new friends, Dogen takes the fight to Jared-Syn where the two will battle in the most anticlimactic fight of all time!
Seriously. The ending to this film was either setting up for a sequel everyone had to know wasn’t coming, or it intentionally wanted to leave audiences frustrated.
Plenty of these post-apocalyptic/dystopian sci-fi films were churned out in the ‘80s because they could be shot in the deserts of California, not far from L.A., and they were relatively cheap to make. The set is a pile of rocks with a few tents from REI and old PVC tubing with a colander in the center meant to represent some arcane magic tool. Done. Band’s films are just-so-slightly above similar productions because he really packed every ounce of budget into the frame in addition to relying on plain ol’ creativity. The character designs are fun and fresh. For example, Hurok is a cyclops, but instead of the traditional eye-in-the-middle design Band came up with something different. The vehicles look decayed-futuristic, menacing, and rad. Alan J. Adler’s script throws in all kinds of crazy ideas and manages to get most to stick – assuming you’re the type of viewer who is on board for shlock like this.
Metalstorm came out in 1983, a year that was big for 3-D productions, including entertainingly bad classics like Jaws 3-D and Amityville 3-D. Like those titles, this picture packs in plenty of in-your-face moments when arms, vehicles, weapons, and whatever else could be sufficiently tossed wound up coming straight for the camera. Although these shots intended for 3-D audiences are blatant, they are done well enough within the context of the film that it doesn’t feel too gimmicky. This wasn’t a big earner for Universal (not by a long shot) but, man, would it have been one helluva afternoon to catch this on the big screen.
Scream Factory has gone above and beyond for this unsung cult classic, delivering not only a new HD transfer for the 2-D version but also one for the 3-D version, too. And this isn’t any red/blue cardboard glasses deal, either; this is a true stereoscopic release for those who own a hi-def 3-D setup. Since I’m not one of those people I had to settle for plain old 2-D. The 2.35:1 1080p image is likely the best Metalstorm can ever look, for better or worse. The very nature of filming a picture in 3-D leaves the edges of the frame looking softer than usual, something exacerbated by this hi-def copy. Additionally, since there are two images to line up the alignment can occasionally shift, which it does, leaving a couple of scenes looking extremely rough; like double vision. Those nitpicks aside, this is a very pleasing release. Definition is more than adequate, especially during closeups. The dry, acrid climate fits in visually with the rusted-out vehicles and stark cities. Film grain fluctuates depending on the use of special effects, though overall it is moderate. Also, props to the make-up effects department because many of the facial prosthetics hold up well under the scrutiny of HD.
Audio comes in the form of an English DTS-HD MA track in either 5.1 surround sound or 2.0 stereo. This is a clean track, with dialogue strongly prioritized among the sea of sci-fi effects, laser blasts, and roaring engines. The multi-channel track offers up fuller bass and a bit more breathing room for Richard Band’s killer score. Some of the moments that seem like they should sound bigger don’t, which is my only real complaint about this track. Subtitles are included in English SDH.
“High Noon at the End of the Universe – The Making of Metalstorm” – Everyone of significance, other than Kelly Preston (big shock), is interviewed for this piece that covers the film from when it was nothing more than a trade magazine concept right up through Universal’s acquisition of the property and more. Highly recommended for fans who want to know the nuts & bolts of making “Metalstorm”.
A still & promotional gallery, theatrical trailer, and a single radio spot are the remainder of the bonus features.
Special Features:
- NEW High Definition Transfer presented in both 2-D and 3-D!
- NEW High Noon at the End of the Universe – featuring interviews with director/producer Charles Band, actors Jeffrey Byron, Richard Moll and Tim Thomerson, screenwriter/producer Alan J. Adler, special effects artist Allan Apone, make-up artist Kenny Myers and composer Richard Band (42 minutes)
- Promotional and behind the scenes still gallery
- Radio Spot
- Theatrical Trailer
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Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn
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Special Features
Categorized:Reviews
