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Feast III: The Happy Finish (DVD)

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Feast III: The Happy Ending DVDReviewed by Uncle Creepy

Starring Clu Gulager, Martin Klebba, Jennifer Wade, Diane Goldner, Craig Henningsen

Directed by John Gulager

Released by Dimension Extreme


Okay, so let’s see … we have anal creature rape, a handicapped prophet, a luchador midget, a Kung-fu master named Jean Claude Seagal, gallons of gore, naked chicks, puking mutants, vaginal disemboweling, and an ending so out of left field you’ll never see it coming. Know what all those elements add up to? Why Feast III: The Happy Finish, of course!

The story picks right up where the second film ended. Our heroes are stuck on the roof of a building in front of really bad green screen, and there are monsters barreling their way up toward them. Who’s gonna live? Who’s gonna die? In typical Feast fashion, you never can tell. The only guarantee given is that it will be violent and bloody as hell.

In Feast III: The Happy Finish all of our favorite characters return, headed up by Bartender (the great Clu Gulager) and Biker Queen (Diane Goldner). Along the way to their hopeful escape, they encounter more colorful characters trying to survive the day as well as a couple of new menaces — infected humans looking to pass on the disease via vomit and an all new creature hybrid.

Feast III: The Happy Ending DVDIn a nutshell, the storyline remains the same. A group of unlikely heroes who can’t stand each other are thrown together in an insane situation with only one goal — get the fuck out of town before they end up being:

A – Raped by a monster
B – Eaten by a monster
C – Raped and then eaten by a monster
D – Raped, eaten, and then shit out by a monster

Given the above options it’s easy to see why these folks will try and survive by any means necessary.

Let me start off by saying that I am a big fan of Feast II: Sloppy Seconds. I loved that movie. It was so out there that I simply couldn’t resist its low-brow feel and complete and utter disregard for good taste. John Gulager is a true madman, and with that movie writers Marcus Dunstan and Patrick Melton have proven themselves equally as psychotic. I went into this flick eager to see what these maniacs had cooked up for the finale.

Feast III: The Happy Ending DVDTruth be told? I was slightly disappointed. Don’t get me wrong; I still had a great time, but Part III never maintained that steady stream of balls-out nuttiness that the second film did so well. Things get a bit muddled along the way and almost incoherent at times. For example, there’s a long scene toward the end of the flick that is set to a strobe effect that was nothing short of disorienting. For a few seconds it was cool, but after a couple of minutes I just wanted it to end. Also, if you’re not up on your Feast lore, you may be a little confused about some of the movie’s events.

Don’t let the above stop you from seeing Feast III though because despite its few shortcomings, it’s still one hell of a good ride. The dialogue is hilarious, the creatures are badass, and the grue is ever-so-gruesome! If you’re a fan of the first two films, you’re gonna dig it. If you didn’t like them, stay far, far away!

In terms of DVD extras we really don’t get much. Other than a really entertaining commentary with John Gulager, the aforementioned writers, and producer Mike Leahy, all we get is an eight-minute look back at Gulager’s “Project Greenlight” stint and trailers for the two other Feast films.

Though Feast III: The Happy Finish marks the end of the series — for now — Gulager has stated that he already has a script for the fourth film. Considering this installment’s absolutely ludicrous final moments, I can’t even imagine what these crazies are cooking up next. One thing’s for sure though … I’ll be watching!

Special Features

  • Commentary by the cast and crew
  • A Look Back at John Gulager featurette
  • Feast trailers

    Film

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    3 out of 5

    Special Features

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    2 out of 5

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    Totem Review – It’s Not Always A Bad Thing To Look Up From The Bottom Level, If You Like That View

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    Starring Kerris Dorsey, James Tupper, Ahna O’Reilly

    Directed by Marcel Sarmiento


    Following the untimely death of a family’s matriarchal figure, a young woman finds out that managing to hold all of the pieces in place becomes increasingly more difficult when otherworldly infiltrators make their presence felt. We’re going to have to work our way up this Totem, as

    17 year old Kellie is the leading lady of the home following the passing of her mother Lexy, and with a needy father and tiny tot of a baby sister, she still keeps things in working order, regardless of the rather large hole that’s been left in the dynamic due to the death. Kellie’s dad after a while decides to ask his lady-friend to move in with the family, so that everyone can move onto a more peaceful existence…yeah, because those types of instances always seem to work seamlessly. As fate would have it, Kellie’s sense of pride is now taking a beating with the new woman in the mix, and her little sister’s new “visitor” is even more disturbed by this intruder – only question is, exactly who is this supernatural pal of sorts? Is it the spirit of their dead mother standing by to keep watch over the family, or is it something that’s found its way to this group, and has much more evil intentions at hand?

    What works here is the context of something innately malicious that has found its way into the home – there are only a couple moments that come off as unsettling, but the notion of having to weave through more than half the film acting as a sullen-teen drama is rather painful. The presentation of the “broken family” is one that’s been done to death, and with better results overall, and that’s not to say that the movie is a complete loss, it just takes far too much weeding through at times stale performances and even more stagnant pacing to get to a moderately decent late-stage conclusion to the film. Under the direction of Marcel Sarmiento (Deadgirl), I’d truly hoped for something a bit more along the lines of a disturbing project such as that one, but the only thing disturbing was the time I’d invested in checking this one out. My best advice is to tune into the Lifetime channel if you want a sulky teen-melodrama with a tinge of horror, or you could simply jump into this one and work your way up…but it’s a LONG way to the top.

    • Film
    2.0

    Summary

    Sulky, moody, and ridden with teen-angst buried in the middle of a supernatural mystery – SOUNDS like a decent premise, doesn’t it?

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    IAMX’s Alive in New Light Review – A Dark, Hypnotic, and Stunning Musical Endeavor

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    Recording eight albums is an achievement no matter the artist, group, or band. This is especially true for Chris Corner’s IAMX, his solo project after the trip hop group Sneaker Pimps, which has enchanted listeners since 2004’s Kiss + Swallow with its dark electronic aesthetic. There’s something fascinating about the music Corner puts out as IAMX. Perhaps it’s the underlying melancholy that seems to pervade the music, almost certainly a result of the musician’s battle with depression and chronic insomnia [Source]. Perhaps it’s the unexpected melodies that reveal themselves with each new measure. Whatever it is, IAMX’s music is a constant delight.

    On Alive in New Light, Corner reveals that his eighth album was a product he created as a way of “…breaking free from demons that have long plagued him,” per an official press release. Strangely enough, this uplifting attitude may easily be overlooked but repeat listens unveil a sense of hope and wonder that are simply breathtaking. The title track echoes with almost angelic choir pads that positively shine as Corner exultingly cries in a shimmering falsetto, “I’m alive in new light!” This comes after the Depeche Mode-esque “Stardust”, which offers the first collaboration with Kat Von D, whose pure voice is a beautiful addition to the pulsating track.

    The third track, “Break The Chains”, has an opening that immediately called to mind Birds of Tokyo’s “Discoloured”, which is meant as a compliment. It’s followed by the Nine Inch Nails influenced “Body Politics”, which meshes Corner’s crooning vocals with a 90’s industrial backdrop. “Exit” has an almost sinister progression lurking in the background that builds to an aggressive, in-your-face third act. The cinematic Middle Eastern flairs of “Stalker” mutate effortlessly into a heartbeat pulse that features back-and-forth vocals between Corner and Von D. The haunted circus vibe that permeates through “Big Man” is mirrored by its playful gothic aura, ghostly “oohs” and “aahs” sprinkled carefully here and there.

    While the album has been a delight up to this point, it’s the final two tracks that took my breath away and left me stunned. “Mile Deep Hollow” builds layer after layer while Corner passionately cries out, “So thank you/you need to know/that you dragged me out/of a mile deep hollow/and I love you/you brought me home/because you dragged me out/of a mile deep hollow.” The way the song’s melodies back these wonderfully uplifting lyrics feels grand and epic, as though a journey is coming to an end, which is where “The Power and the Glory” comes in. Far more subdued, it’s a beautiful song that feels almost like a religious experience, a hymn of a soul that is desperate to claw its way to salvation and escape a life of pain and darkness.

    What makes Alive in New Light so wonderful is how much there is to experience. I got the album and listened to it no less than five times in a row without pause. I simply couldn’t turn it off because each return revealed something new in the music. Corner also makes fantastic use of Von D’s vocals, carefully placing them so as to make them a treat and not a commonplace certainty.

    While some may be disappointed that there are only nine tracks, each of the songs is carefully and meticulously crafted to be as powerful and meaningful as possible. It really is a stunning accomplishment and I’m nothing short of blown away by how masterfully Alive in New Light plays out.

    • Alive in New Light
    5.0

    Summary

    IAMX’s Alive in New Light is a triumph of music. Full of beauty and confidence, it doesn’t forget the foundation that fans have come to know and love for over a decade but instead embraces that comfortable darkness with open arms. Corner states that this album was a way to break free from his demons. It certainly feels like he’s made peace with them.

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    The Hatred Review – A History Lesson Dug Up From The Depths Of Hell

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    Starring Zelda Adams, Lulu Adams, John Law

    Directed by John Law


    I don’t know about the scholastic interests the masses had (or have) that read all of the killer nuggets that get cranked out on this site, but when I was an academic turd, one of my true passions was history, and it was one of the only subjects that managed to hold my interest, and when the opportunity arose to check out John Law’s ultra-nightmarish feature, The Hatred – I was ready to crack the books once again.

    The setting is the Blackfoot Territory in the late 1800s, and the pains of a lengthy conflict have taken their toll on the remaining soldiers as food has become scarce, and the film picks up with soldiers on the march in the brutal cold and snow covered mountainside. In tow is a P.O.W. (Law), and the decision is made by the soldiers to execute him in earnest instead of having to shorten their rations by feeding him, so he is then hung (pretty harshly done), and left to rot as the uniformed men trudge along. A short time later the group encounters a small family on the fringes of the territory, and when the demands for food are rebuked, the slaughter is on and the only survivor is a young girl (Adams) who prays to an oblivious god that she can one day reap the seeds of revenge upon those who’ve murdered her family. We all know that there are usually two sides to any story, and when the good ear isn’t listening, the evil one turns its direction towards those who need it most, and that’s when the Devil obliges.

    The answer to the young girl’s prayers comes in the resurrection of the prisoner that was hung a short time ago, and he has been dubbed “Vengeance” – together their goal will be achieved by harshly dishing out some retribution, and the way it’s presented is drawn-out, almost like you’re strapped into the front-row pew of a hellfire-cathedral and force-fed the sermon of an evil voice from the South side of the tracks. It’s vicious and beautiful all at once, Law’s direction gives this visually-striking presentation all the bells and whistles to please even the harshest of critics (hell, you’re reading the words of one right now). The performances, while a bit stoic in nature, still convey that overall perception of a wrong that demands to be righted, no matter how morally mishandled it might be. Overall, I can absolutely recommend The Hatred for not only those wanting a period-piece with ferocious-artistry, but for others who continue to pray with no response, and are curious to see what the other side can offer.

    • Film
    3.5

    Summary

    The Hatred is a visually-appealing look into the eyes of animus, and all of the beauty of returning the harm to those who have awarded it to others.

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