Reviewed by Uncle Creepy
Starring Clu Gulager, Martin Klebba, Jennifer Wade, Diane Goldner, Craig Henningsen
Directed by John Gulager
Released by Dimension Extreme
Okay, so let’s see … we have anal creature rape, a handicapped prophet, a luchador midget, a Kung-fu master named Jean Claude Seagal, gallons of gore, naked chicks, puking mutants, vaginal disemboweling, and an ending so out of left field you’ll never see it coming. Know what all those elements add up to? Why Feast III: The Happy Finish, of course!
The story picks right up where the second film ended. Our heroes are stuck on the roof of a building in front of really bad green screen, and there are monsters barreling their way up toward them. Who’s gonna live? Who’s gonna die? In typical Feast fashion, you never can tell. The only guarantee given is that it will be violent and bloody as hell.
In Feast III: The Happy Finish all of our favorite characters return, headed up by Bartender (the great Clu Gulager) and Biker Queen (Diane Goldner). Along the way to their hopeful escape, they encounter more colorful characters trying to survive the day as well as a couple of new menaces — infected humans looking to pass on the disease via vomit and an all new creature hybrid.
In a nutshell, the storyline remains the same. A group of unlikely heroes who can’t stand each other are thrown together in an insane situation with only one goal — get the fuck out of town before they end up being:
A – Raped by a monster
B – Eaten by a monster
C – Raped and then eaten by a monster
D – Raped, eaten, and then shit out by a monster
Given the above options it’s easy to see why these folks will try and survive by any means necessary.
Let me start off by saying that I am a big fan of Feast II: Sloppy Seconds. I loved that movie. It was so out there that I simply couldn’t resist its low-brow feel and complete and utter disregard for good taste. John Gulager is a true madman, and with that movie writers Marcus Dunstan and Patrick Melton have proven themselves equally as psychotic. I went into this flick eager to see what these maniacs had cooked up for the finale.
Truth be told? I was slightly disappointed. Don’t get me wrong; I still had a great time, but Part III never maintained that steady stream of balls-out nuttiness that the second film did so well. Things get a bit muddled along the way and almost incoherent at times. For example, there’s a long scene toward the end of the flick that is set to a strobe effect that was nothing short of disorienting. For a few seconds it was cool, but after a couple of minutes I just wanted it to end. Also, if you’re not up on your Feast lore, you may be a little confused about some of the movie’s events.
Don’t let the above stop you from seeing Feast III though because despite its few shortcomings, it’s still one hell of a good ride. The dialogue is hilarious, the creatures are badass, and the grue is ever-so-gruesome! If you’re a fan of the first two films, you’re gonna dig it. If you didn’t like them, stay far, far away!
In terms of DVD extras we really don’t get much. Other than a really entertaining commentary with John Gulager, the aforementioned writers, and producer Mike Leahy, all we get is an eight-minute look back at Gulager’s “Project Greenlight” stint and trailers for the two other Feast films.
Though Feast III: The Happy Finish marks the end of the series — for now — Gulager has stated that he already has a script for the fourth film. Considering this installment’s absolutely ludicrous final moments, I can’t even imagine what these crazies are cooking up next. One thing’s for sure though … I’ll be watching!
3 out of 5
2 out of 5
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