The Giant Spider Invasion to be Remade as a Musical Comedy
Sometimes a news story comes along for which there are no words. When rumors swirled back in 2008 that b-moviemaker Bill Rebane was planning to remake his 1975 bad movie cult hit The Giant Spider Invasion I merely scoffed. Now word is the remake will be a musical worthy of Mel Brooks. Today I am speechless.
For those in need of a refresher, The Giant Spider Invasion was a sci-fi horror movie about meteors from another dimension landing in Wisconsin that crack open to reveal otherworldly spiders, one of which grows to gargantuan proportions. And by gargantuan proportions, I mean it looks like a cheap Mardi Gras float decorated over a Volkswagen. There’s a very good reason why “Mystery Science Theater 3000” had a field day with this movie.
The Giant Spider Invasion is now poised to become a comic musical. I think the only way to better explain this concept is to simply print Rebane’s press release announcing the project in its entirety.
First, an introduction and history: The Giant Spider Invasion was produced in 1975 at a budget of $300,000 and became one of the fifty top grossing films of that year, amassing over 24 million dollars… a phenomenon Johnny Carson thought impressive enough to mention on his late-night program.
The absence of a shooting script and the lack of a special effects budget opened the film to a variety of critiques once it premiered in Dallas and other major cities. Stephen King summed it up well in his book Danse Macabre: "In spite of the title, there is only one giant spider, but we don't feel cheated because it's a dilly. It is impossible to see such a budget conscious special effect without feeling a wave of admiration."
Over the following decades and into the 21st century, because of its campy approach, inventive giant spider and an all-star cast, the film captured more than enough fans worldwide to become a cult classic today. In the business they call "show business", it matters not if the critiques are good, bad or indifferent. What matters is whether or not a movie has "legs", so to speak, and "sells tickets". And that it did. However success is measured, even conservative estimates put the gross over its unequaled shelf life of thirty five years at over 200 million dollars, and demand for the film makes it the most pirated film of its time in the digital medium.
So, what does one do with The Giant Spider Invasion today?
As Mel Brooks would say… "MAKE A MUSICAL!"
This then sets the stage — in the true sense of the word — for some levity on stage and screen with an off-the-wall MUSICAL COMEDY that lovingly reflects on the entire enchilada of The Giant Spider Invasion production.
GET READY FOR…
…musical selections that compliment the Spiderette Chorus Line — who perform to a rousing tarantula tarantella — including "You Don't Know Rice Crispies from Rabbit Turds", "What Script? No Script!", "Scientists in Love", and "I Am in Bad Monster Movie"!
GET READY FOR…
…the giant spider himself and his signature song "I Know I Am Volkswagen Spider" and movie distributor Abe Schmuck (Mr. Big) who knows that, in Hollywood, "Size Matters"!
…to be entertained from Broadway to the theater stage in Bumfluck, Iowa (wherever that is) to the Big Theater Screen and into the digital medium.
GET READY FOR…
…the politically incorrect presentation of the multimedia musical…
THE GIANT SPIDER INVASION — THE MUSICAL!
It's got the punch… the legs… the broads… the charms… and the Magic that spell…
Words fail me. All I can muster myself to write at this point is to state for the record that any musical that boasts a musical number set to a song titled “You Don't Know Rice Crispies from Rabbit Turds” gets my full endorsement.
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