Sharknado Syfy and Blu-ray Release Dates; The Asylum Announces 13/13/13 and The Bell Witch Hauntings
Steve Barton
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Several of you who read my Sharknado review have asked when you’ll get a chance to see this astounding motion picture about Los Angeles under siege from a hurricane, shark-infested flood waters, and tornadoes full of apex predators.
I’ll tell you when and also share some news about two new Asylum horror offerings coming this fall.
Yeah, I’m the guy who gave Sharknado a 4-1/2 out of 5 review, and I stand by every word of it. Probably the most fun I’ve had watching any movie this year. I got an advance look; you’ll get your chance on Thursday, July 11th, at 9/8 Central, when the ultimate Asylum movie premieres on Syfy. Or, if you want to wait until DVD and Blu-ray to experience Ian Ziering, Tara Reid, and John Heard contend with nature at its most amok, the film is slated for DVD and Blu-ray release on September 3rd.
Synopsis:
When a freak hurricane swamps Los Angeles, thousands of sharks terrorize the waterlogged populace, and nature’s deadliest killer rules sea, land, and air.
Seriously, is there a Pulitzer Prize or a Peabody Award of some kind given out for outstanding achievement in the realm of schlock? There ought to be. Writer Thunder Levin and director Anthony C. Ferrante certainly earned it for this unhinged piece of b-movie pop art.
In 2011, The Asylum gave us the apocalyptic horror of the date 11/11/11. In 2012, they gave us the demonic terror of the date 12/12/12. There is no 13th month so there’s no chance of a 13/13/13, right?
Wrong!
We should all know by now that The Asylum plays by Asylum logic. So prepare to experience the unholy nightmare that awaits mankind on the date 13/13/13. How does that work, exactly?
Synopsis:
For millennia, calendars have added an extra day every four years. In doing so, they violated the ancient Mayan calendar. Now we are in the 13th month of the 13th year of the new millennium, and the few who survive will battle a world of demons.
Damn those Mayans! Just when we thought we’d heard the last of them and their ancient calendar, here we go again. That’s why I always liked the Toltecs; you never hear about them trying to screw up future civilizations.
Trae Ireland, Erin Coker, and Jody Barton star in this unlikeliest of date and time-related horror flicks written and directed by James Cullen Bressack.
Since there is no such calendar date to release it around on DVD, Blu-ray, and VOD like the previous Asylum dates with damnation, 13/13/13 will have to settle for the first day of October to bring about the end of the time.
Now you’d think if you were going to release a found footage ghost movie, you’d want to do so just in time for Halloween, not the week after. November 5th: That’s when The Asylum will be releasing The Bell Witch Haunting, their latest found footage flick written, directed, and starring “N/A” because it’s all 100% legit, yo.
Synopsis:
Based on true events. The Robertson County Sheriff’s Department has released footage found on the bodies of the Sawyer family’s cell phones and video cameras. What was first thought to be a murder-suicide is now believed to be the return of a centuries-old demon responsible for America’s most famous paranormal event.
Wait just a second. Why would you need to proclaim a movie to be “based on true events” when it’s a found footage flick of a supposedly real event? I’ve heard of movies breaking the fourth wall; I think The Asylum is about to break the fifth wall.
I recently watched a video about movie sales at an international film market that did a segment on The Asylum; did I really see promotional artwork on the wall for a movie titled Airplane vs. Volcano? Stay tuned!
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