Jersey Shore Shark Attack Chumming the Waters

Steve Barton |

Apr 3, 2012

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Hey yo, so these friggin’ sharks, right? They come swimmin’ intah our wahtas like they own the place. They dunno who they’re messin’ whit, ya know. Tha’s aight, though … we got somethin’ for them fishy mamalukes!

Yes, kids, Syfy is now in post-production on Jersey Shore Shark Attack, and we’ve got a mini look at the artwork along with the new plot crunch below.

Syfy cast Tony Sirico (Paulie Walnuts on “The Sopranos”), Paul Sorvino (Paul Cicero in Goodfellas), Jack Scalia (“Dallas”), Joey Fatone (‘N Sync), and William Atherton (Die Hard) in the film. Of course the cast wouldn’t be complete without some chum from MTV’s “Jersey Shore” — it also stars Vinny Guadagnino.

Sirico is Captain Sallie, the wise veteran of boardwalk life and lore. Scalia is Moretti, former guido beach bum and now police chief. Sorvino portrays the possibly corrupt mayor, and Atherton is the greedy developer Dolan, who wants to tear down the boardwalk to build a luxury resort where the guidos will not be welcome. Vinny Guadagnino plays the on-scene reporter Conte, and Joey Fatone appears as himself.

The movie also stars Jeremy Luke as The Complication, Melissa Molinaro as Nooki, Joey Russo as Donnie, Daniel Booko as Balzac, Audi Resendez as B.J., and Alex Mauriello as J-Moni. The director is John Shepphird (Chupacabra Terror). Jeffrey Schenck (Malibu Shark Attack), Barry Barnholtz, and Peter Sullivan are the producers.

God save us.

Synopsis
Many years ago hundreds of locals and tourists were massacred by giant man-eating sharks in the infamous 1916 Jersey Shore attacks. But that’s just a legend… or is it? It’s a holiday weekend on the Jersey Shore, and unbeknownst to anyone underwater drills have attracted dozens of albino bull sharks to the pier. When a man goes missing, TC (The Complication), Nookie and friends fear the worst and plead with the police chief to close down the beach. It isn’t until a famous singer is eaten alive during a performance on the pier that the shark hunt begins. Now the reppies must work together with the guidos in order to save the Jersey Shore and its inhabitants from another vicious slaughter.