Bag Boy Lover Boy (2017)
Mr. Dark
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Starring Theodore Bouloukos, Jon Wachter, Kathy Biehl
Directed by Andres Torres
The title character of Bag Boy Lover Boy is Albert, a very strange and eventually murderous guy who works at a hot dog stand in New York.
Bag Boy Lover Boy is much like Albert: kinda weird, doesn’t accomplish much in its short life, ends suddenly and without much fanfare.
There’s that old saying about being careful when you engage in satire, lest you become what you’re mocking. Bag Boy Lover Boy really should have paid attention to that warning, because it’s a pretentious “arty” movie about pretentious artists and art.
Albert is a loser from an unknown country (based on his inscrutable accent and poor English skills) living in a rathole apartment in NYC working the night shift at a hot dog cart. The cart appears to be located in the rough part of town given the customers we see and the quality of its fare, and Albert can’t even keep that low standard in his work.
One night, a photographer who is apparently some kind of popular artiste in the gallery scene shows up and befriends Albert, hiring him on the spot for a modeling gig. Given Albert’s physique (think Olive Oyl meets Howdy Doody) this is not so much odd as it is completely ridiculous.
We’re shown a girl Albert likes being attracted to a random street photographer, and that is apparently supposed to be enough for Albert and us to accept that his one desire is to become a photographer.
A really lengthy part of the film is spent on Albert’s quest to “learn art” which, of course, he completely fails. This is interspersed with photoshoots by Andre, the artiste, where Albert is placed with gorgeous models and some weird violence is acted out.
These shoots make no sense, and I’m assuming they aren’t supposed to. I honestly couldn’t say for sure, and after finishing the film, I don’t give a damn.
Albert decides to take matters into his own hands (literally) and make similar art with women he convinces to model…who he then strangles.
The bodies pile up, Albert almost makes a real human connection, and then it all comes screeching to a halt in the most ridiculous and contrived police action in the history of film.
I think the point was to somehow suggest that Albert’s “art” wasn’t that far removed from the photos taken by the renowned artist. At least, that’s about all I could get from this movie. It tries to be funny, but only pulls a few uncomfortable chuckles.
I was just talking to someone the other day about how we both hate reviews that are mostly recaps of the film, but that’s honestly all I have here. Stuff happened. Then it stopped. It didn’t make a lot of sense, wasn’t entertaining, and wasn’t done very well. There seemed to be no point, then it stopped.
Just like this review.
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Film
Categorized:Reviews
