Panteon Woods (2017)
Matt Boiselle
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Starring Heather Jane Farr, Richard Wotkun, Nixon Vicci
Directed by Michael Ramova
Sooner or later, it all comes around full-circle: the return of “found-footage” is yet upon us, and even though the film was directed back in 2015, Michael Ramova’s Panteon Woods is ready to be unleashed into the eyes of viewers, regardless of whether or not their stomachs are ready for it.
Centering around a couple of sisters: one a YouTube sensation (Farr) and the other a budding cinematographer (Vicci) who balloon the already bad idea of venturing out into the woods to see if a local urban legend of sorts walks the lush forest. As a longtime horror fan, I can attest (as many of you will as well) that I don’t care if the opportunity for a 500 lb ostrich strutting in the woods is on the plate for potentiality, but we want to see some serious carnage and yearn for some spine-tingling chills in the process. The girls opt to bring in a guide/survivalist (Richard Wotkun) that hasn’t brought his mind back from his tours in Vietnam – the guy’s a straight-up creeper, and his motives might not be on the up-and-up.
There unfortunately isn’t a whole lot to crow about with this particular presentation, and Ramova seems to play this one by the guidelines of the “found-footage playbook” – a lot of herky-jerky camera movements, nonsensical actions, few jump scares and the ever-growing ability for characters to NEVER put the damn camera down when faced with imminent danger. Also, for a presentation that had an extremely slim runtime (around 70+ minutes), there appeared to be far too much stagnant dialogue to keep your interest level afloat. Overall, if you’re a junkie for these types of flicks, then by all means dive on in, but for those who are enervated with nausea-inducing, shoddily acted “not so horror-filled” horror films, then feel free to stay in these woods…in the meantime I’ll be on the hunt for a plush 5-star resort to kick back in.
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Film
Categorized:Reviews
