Have you ever sat around and thought “Wow, my toy selection just isn’t evil and/or as nerve-wracking as it once was?” Well, if you’re the one person out there that has ever thought these words then we might have just the thing to spruce up your collection this summer.
Yes, for some (forgive the pun) Godforsaken reason, Funko Pop! is going to be mass producing a new figure based on… wait for this bullshit… Black Phillip from the supernatural horror film The Witch.
And if that wasn’t creepy as hell by itself, maybe you’ll be pleased to know the figure is presented as standing on its back legs, like some kind of plastic nightmare, and he comes with a bright-red-as-shit apple for all those kids out there that love implementing a bit of subtle religious subtext into their playrooms. Also, note the BLOOD on his horns.
Why Funko didn’t just go all-in and make a figure based on the flabby, naked, baby-penis removing Witch herself, we’ll never know. But I guess Black Phillips is a good enough gift to send all the kids you hate this Christmas. I may even grab one myself for the little asshole down the street who keeps trying to peek in on my girlfriend and sneak into my backyard to pet my bunny-rabbit, Chicken. Yeah, he’ll love it.
Funko’s Black Phillip creeps into our barns and corrupts our cross-eyed children this July.