Beep, Beep, Richie: 10 of Horror’s Scariest Clowns
Chad Collins
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No one can quite agree on the origins of coulrophobia, the extreme or irrational fear of clown. Irrational feels a bit unfair, at least from a clinical standpoint. I’d wager it’s more irrational not to be afraid of clowns. I mean, what exactly do they do? Everything a clown can do, a normal, less frightening visage can do better. Plus, unlike megalophobia or thalassophobia, coulrophobia seems a bit more common. The National Institute of Health even estimates more than 50% of adults worldwide report some degree of coulrophobia. Not so “irrational,” is it?
Here, just to keep things interesting—being scared is the best, isn’t it—we’re going to check out ten of the scariest clowns in horror. Wherever it came from, it doesn’t matter. It’s here now. If that’s not enough, you could always check out Terrifier when it returns to theaters on July 19. Get that megaplex coulrophobia fix.
Art the Clown
Starting off with arguably the most violent killer clown in horror history, David Howard Thornton’s Art the Clown took coulrophobia to an entirely different level. Featured in Damien Leone’s sprawling Art the Clown universe (including All Hallow’s Eve, Terrifer, its sequel, and several shorts), Art is an old-school slasher villain whose kills feel uniquely contemporary. They are often nauseatingly gruesome, extending far beyond where most slasher movies would cut to black. He’s a sensation, no doubt, but beyond the extreme gore, Thornton ably targets that uncanny space between endearing and frightening. Art is a true killer clown, one of the scariest the genre has ever seen.
Pennywise
Of course, the modern oeuvre of horror clowns would be nothing without Stephen King’s It and its two filmic adaptations. While modern audiences might better recognize Bill Skarsgård’s renaissance portrayal from Andy Muschietti’s two-parter, Tim Curry’s sensationally frightening performance in Tommy Lee Wallace’s 1990 miniseries is no less worthy of consideration. It’s not fair to compare the two since both portrayed the character in wildly different ways, and there’s no doubt the collective impact has been staggering. If someone in your life is afraid of clowns, it’s likely linked to either of these two performances. We all float in the end.
The Basement Clowns in Hell House LLC
The Hell House LLC trilogy is one of this century’s greatest found footage trilogies you probably haven’t seen. Like the best of them, Hell House LLC never (well, mostly never) exceeds its scope, weaving an intimate yarn of haunted properties and Halloween haunts across three entries. The Abbadon Hotel is at the center of it all, and in the first, the crew responsible for setting up a fateful haunt are plagued by supernatural occurrences leading up to opening night. The most frightening of them is undoubtedly a set of clown mannequins on the property. Director Stephen Cognetti never goes full Poltergeist, instead cultivating terror with what’s not seen. As the mannequins move around, appearing where they shouldn’t be, you’ll wish for them to do whatever they’re planning, if only to get the terror over with.
The Killer Klowns From Outer Space
I don’t know how it happened, but The Chiodo Brothers’ Killer Klowns from Outer Space is everywhere now. They’re getting a video game. They’re all over the Spirit Halloween aisles. Audiences who have never seen the movie likely know of these devious little goons, and while I don’t know why they’ve resurged, I can’t say I’m disappointed by it. The cult classic follows the titular Klowns as they invade a small town and gobble up the residents. While frequently played for laughs, the practical effects are as frightening as they are impressive. A sequel when?
Horny the Clown
I’m a sucker for slasher throwbacks, and 2007’s Drive-Thru is one of the best. Fast food mascot Horny the Clown starts hacking up a bunch of Gossip Girl stars (Leighton Meester, Penn Badgley) in Shane Kuhn and Brendan Cowles’ gory slasher. Conceptually, it considers what things might look like if Ronald McDonald ever got his hands on a meat cleaver and started carving up unruly guests. Horny the Clown (Van De La Plante) swaggers through with a sick latex mask to send coulrophobia into overdrive(thru).
Captain Spaulding
Rob Zombie is an auteur. A bold claim, yes, but he’s one of the few horror filmmakers working today with a singular vision and distinct point-of-view. Granted, that shtick rarely does it for me (though Halloween II is a masterpiece), but as a pioneer of redneck gothic, few can match Zombie. Sid Haig’s Captain Spaulding best conceptualizes Zombie’s distinct filmmaking sensibilities. Featured in House of 1,000 Corpses and its two quasi-sequels, Spaulding is homicidal, terrifying, and played with gusto by the late Sid Haig. The character is iconographic of this century’s horror, a well-deserved honor for one of the greatest killer clowns around.
The Laugh
Amusement could have been something more. Perennially delayed until it simply appeared to rent one day, John Simpson’s slick, digital slasher was working with a pretty stellar idea. Functionally an anthology, though not quite, three different women run afoul of an unseen maniac, unaware that they share a deep connection with him from the past. The standout sequence is undoubtedly the second wherein Simpson reworks an old urban legend as a babysitter grapples with a life-sized clown doll. It’s all a bit unwieldy at the end, but Amusement looks great and remains a promising window into what could have been.
Richard Grindle
I’m a simple man. If Cutting Crew’s “I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight” is on the soundtrack, I’m going to love your movie. Ross Noble’s Richard Grindle is accidentally killed at a child’s birthday party. Years later, Grindle is back and donning his clown costume again to violently right some past wrongs. Stitches is frequently very funny, though Conor McMahon doesn’t skimp on the gore, either. It’s riotous throughout, though those with coulrophobia might find it decidedly less so.
Kent McCloy
Jon Watts of Spider-Man fame once made a movie about a real estate agent possessed by a haunted clown costume. Really. The aptly titled Clown follows Andy Powers as Kent McCoy, a father whose desire to make his son’s birthday party special yields tragic consequences for all involved. Merging slasher thrills with icky body horror, McCloy’s struggle with the clown costume taking over his body is an outrageously good (and gag-inducing) time.
Bobo
I’ve said before that Michael Schroeder’s Out of the Dark should be remade. Where Out of the Dark had the right impulses, its sex-positive slashing would benefit from a modern perspective. Plus, it’s got a killer clown. What more do you need? Phone sex line workers are targeted by a killer clown and must track down the person responsible before they’re all snuffed out. With genuine scares, developed characters, and a respect for the slasher tropes of yesterday, Out of the Dark is a hidden gem worth seeking out.
What do you think? Which of cinema’s killer clowns is your favorite? Let me know over on Twitter @Chadiscollins. And, if by chance you happen to see a clown standing alone on the side of the road, do not engage.
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