Hear Me Out: The Headless Horseman From ‘Sleepy Hollow’ is Daddy
We’ve all heard of the “hear me out” trend, but if you haven’t, well… hear me out. Broadly, the idea is to wink, wink, nudge, nudge about some ostensibly objectionable fictional character you otherwise find kind of sexy. Or really sexy. Picture “hear me out” cakes topped with printouts of Shrek or Sully from Monsters Inc. and you’ll get the idea. Horror fans are especially prone to those secret desires largely because our genre is awash in monsters, killers, and beasts of all varieties. Don’t tell me you’ve never thought of what you might do if Tyler Mane’s Michael Myers came after you.
Here at Dread Central, we’re gonna get a touch horny as you, our readers, hear us out regarding our different horror crushes. And not the obvious ones, either. Yes, Ghostface is objectively sexy, especially the Dermot Mulroney variety, but that’s not what we’re talking about here. Everyone would spend an evening with Jason Voorhees (mask on, of course), but what about the deep cuts? The alluring anatomical anomalies that would make your grandmother’s grandmother shiver? Headless horsemen, perhaps? Especially those from 1999. Yes, hear me out… I think the Headless Horseman (Ray Park and Christopher Walken) in Tim Burton’s Sleepy Hollow is sexy.
Gothic Grit
I’m a gothic guy at heart, even if I don’t express it. My maximalist, MOMA tendencies clash with my inner Scottish moor sensibilities. In middle school, for instance, I had a deep hyperfixation with bog mummies. So, while I may not embody gothic traits in my day-to-day life, I love a brooding, deeply internal man who does, and few brood quite as well as the Headless Horseman. Clad in all black with clanky riding boots and a sensational cape, he’s just the kind of guy where I’d stop for a double-take. Not out of fear, but instead pure, unadulterated attraction. Wonder if that horse is the only thing he’s capable of riding.
And if the current zeitgeist has told me anything, it’s that audiences really love a bad boy. The Headless Horseman was a sadistic Hessian (German soldier) during the American Revolutionary War. Which… not great. He wasn’t exactly a good dude, but there’s an undeniable swagger to the way Ray Park portrays the headless brute. What else does that head do?
What That Head Do
No, but seriously, that head does a lot. This is the thrust (pun intended) of my argument, but please, hear me out. In Burton’s Sleepy Hollow, the Headless Horseman is controlled by a living person. The person who exhumes his skull thus yields control of the Horseman, instructing the deceased rider to do their bidding. In my case—and please, please, hear me out—I’m not sure I’d send him on some kind of rural New York, Catskills murder spree. I don’t even know anyone who lives there, let alone anyone I’d want beheaded.
That’s the plot of Sleepy Hollow, of course. Miranda Richardson’s Lady Mary Van Tassel, seeking revenge for some pretty egregious past wrongs (can’t really blame her), pledges her soul to Satan to raise the Horseman from the dead to reclaim what she feels was stolen for her. And guess who is willing to go along with it? The Horseman, that’s who. He’s a real one, an earnest advocate for the cause. It helps that most of his victims are pretty rotten men, and while I can’t exactly forgive targeting Christina Ricci, I can simultaneously accept it wasn’t entirely his fault.
Because, well, he who yields the skull yields control. Which, control isn’t great, but don’t tell me there’s not something there. With a consenting Horseman and the capacity to call on his aid whenever you needed it… is there a windmill burning nearby or is it just hot in here?
Monster attraction could be a piece unto itself. But generally, it is largely motivated by the allure of power and taboo, coupled with the fantasy of overcoming fear and components of the self otherwise deemed socially unacceptable. And, for as much as we pretend otherwise, social constraints are arbitrary. Right and wrong ways of living, feeling, and expression are motivated more by dominant cultural touchstones than any innate moral core. So, while you might shudder at the thought of being attracted to a headless Hessian, if you are, just know you’re not alone.
Don’t Lose Your Head
A key motivator here, at least for me, is the fictional embodiment of masculinity without the actuality of the Headless Horseman being, well, a man. The patriarchal underucrrents are stripped away, and what’s left is a hunky, headless behemoth whose bidding is mine to command—a monster whose sole allegiance is strictly to me. That kind of loyalty is attractive, even if I’d never likely want that in any more literal sense. In Sleepy Hollow’s finale, when Walken’s Horseman bloodily kisses Lady Van Tassel before dragging her into the depths of Hell, I did recoil. That’s probably where I’d draw my line. Yeah, Headless Horseman, I promise to text you back. Just had a lot going on, what with my optical illusions and those chalk incantations under the bed.
By this stage, I hope you’ve sufficiently heard me out. Even beyond the thematic draw, just the aesthetics of the Horseman himself are incredible. Four-time Oscar winner Colleen Atwood was responsible for the costuming, and the Horseman here looks better than ever before. Menacing, yes, but also remarkably cool. Just a headless cutie looking to reclaim his head. I might have just the thing for that. And before you turn away in disgust, please, just hear me out…
Categorized:Editorials
