Blood Valley: Seed’s Revenge (2014)

Blood Valley: Seed's Revenge (2014)Starring Natalie Scheetz, Nick Principe, Caroline Williams, Christa Campbell

Directed by Marcel Walz

Distributed by Boll World Sales

Some things just NEVER change, no matter what spin you put on them or regardless of how your mind attempts to adapt to them – some people hate spicy food, some people hate going outside when it rains… but most people DESPISE Uwe Boll films. Boll’s direction of some of cinema’s biggest turds is the stuff legends are made of – and who knows? Maybe the guy loves taking the helm of a film and steering it directly into the nearest available stone wall.

Whether it be House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne, or one of the endless myriad of German films he’s put his mitts on, whether it be directing or producing, you can be sure that the amount of stank will be at atrocious altitudes.

This time around, however, he acts as producer to director Marcel Walz’s second coming of Seed, this one titled Blood Valley: Seed’s Revenge. The original, released back in 2007, told the story of demented killer Max Seed, who is sentenced to death via the electric chair, does NOT die, and is then buried alive, only to dig his way back out and exact revenge upon those who tried to pass judgment upon him.

So we return to Max’s old stomping grounds, where a very unlucky bride and her hung over band of bridesmaids are making their way back home after a blacked-out weekend in Las Vegas. After their party van comes to a stop, that’s when the blood starts splashing, courtesy of Mr. Seed himself (played by Nick Principe from the Laid to Rest films). His imposing presence is enough to scare the cheese-whiz out of anyone, and his actions in the movie’s opening scene contain just the correct amount of stomach-churning visuals that would make any back-alley gynecologist proud.

Christa Campbell and Natalie Scheetz represent the two main female characters in the cast and at times would be represented better if they had turned over their roles to a couple of house plants. Their acting is stale, the dialogue is horrendous, and even German scream queen Annika Strauss cannot resurrect this stone-cold stiff from the dead. Caroline Williams (TCM 2) pitches in and tries her best to spruce up this mess of a movie, but her efforts fall short as well. If I had to pick a highlight, it would be Principe’s performance as the demented Seed – he’s brutal, unforgiving in his tactics, and completely docile when not slicing nubile females to shreds.

However, it’s the lack of plot, completely inane acting, and terrible camera work that become the movie’s worst enemy. If you’re in the mood for nearly 80 minutes of useless hacking and slashing with no redeeming qualities, then settle in for Seed’s Revenge. If not, then I suggest you leave this little nugget buried FAR beneath the soil.

1 1/2 out of 5

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Matt Boiselle