Reviewed by Uncle Creepy
Starring Jason Mewes, Erica Cox, Richard Fitzpatrick, Jordan Madley, Nic Nac
Directed by Harvey Glazer
Distributed by Vivendi Entertainment
The problem with playing a classic film character, in Jason Mewes’ case for instance, is that no matter what’s happening onscreen, it’s very hard to disassociate an actor from his or her most famous role. Take Bob Denver … can you ever think of him as anyone else other than Gilligan? Alas, such is the case with the vampire comedy Bitten. Casting Mewes is both its key selling point and its weakest point. More on that in a bit. First a plot crunch.
Jack (Mewes) is a frustrated in his social life paramedic who works the graveyard shift with his buddy Roger (Fitzpatrick). Things kind of suck right now for our hero as working all night has put a serious dent in his love life. One night after clocking out he comes across a blood-covered and in rather bad shape hot chick named Danika (Cox), who appears to be at death’s door. In true hero fashion Jack scoops her up and moves her into his apartment so he can take care of her. There’s just one tiny problem … this chick is gonna need a bit more than the usual amount of TLC. In fact, she needs blood. Human blood to be exac,t and she needs it by the gallon.
Happy to have a fine piece of ass back at his side who loves him, Jack quickly devises several plans to keep her fed and, well, as healthy as she’ll get given her vampiric condition. This leads to all sorts of mean-spirited bits of black comedy, a healthy dosage of the red stuff, and more tits than you’d imagine.
So what’s wrong with that, right? I’ll tell you. Instead of actually directing Mewes, who can act and has several really great bits in this flick, filmmaker Glazer seems more content letting Jason be Jay rather than Jack. Don’t get me wrong; it’s not like he’s standing around saying “Snootchie bootchies” or anything. It’s just that any little bit of tension that the movie builds is quickly negated by over-the-top shenanigans, out of place slapstick that quickly results in bad changes in the film’s tone, and what I’m guessing is a fairly improvised take on the movie’s actual dialogue by Mewes himself as only he could come up with some of this shit.
To my shock, though, it’s not Mewes who has the best comedic moments of the movie. It’s Survival of the Dead‘s Richard Fitzpatrick. Any time this dude opens his mouth you can’t help but laugh at his flagrant chauvinistic yet kindhearted “I don’t give a fuck” attitude. He’s probably the best part of the whole movie … or at the very least the brightest. Truly good stuff.
As for the DVD extras we don’t get a damned thing. Other than remorse over how good this flick could have played out with a bit more time in the editing room oven and some stronger direction. As is, it’s a not so bad time killer that hits the average mark with both feet on the ground thanks to Fitzpatrick, who saved this flick from getting a far worse rating.
If you’re a fan of Jason Mewes, this is a must see as you won’t find yourself too disappointed. However, if you’re looking for a solid vampire comedy that knows when to be sexy and when to be subtle, stick to rewatching Fright Night or even to a certain extent Innocent Blood.
2 1/2 out of 5