Editorial: What the Hell is Wrong With David Cronenberg?

David Cronenberg talks a return to horrorAfter two mafia flicks, I wondered what’s next for goo-great David Cronenberg. I got my answer: he’ll helm The Matarese Circle based on a Robert Ludlum (!) novel. And who might “star” in this film? Ironside? Irons? No. Tom Cruise and Denzel Washington.

Denzel fucking Washington.

Has David Cronenberg lost his fucking mind? Do I need to soak his signature off my Fangoria number 56? I really doubt there are any carnivorous vaginal parasites in this one either.

I blame myself. Maybe I did something to piss him off and he went, “Fuck horror, I’m going to direct Denny’s commercials.” Are you trying to fill Sydney Pollack’s shoes now that he’s dead? Will David Lynch be doing the new Tom Clancy film? And Tony Scott, guess he’ll be directing mutant-dick flicks from now on…

Horror to David: Baby come back. Cinema needs your icy stare and preoccupation with mutation, disease, and Julian Sands. While you're busy cozying up with Cruise, we remain abandoned in our quest to come up with new orifices to fuck in film.

Hell, even the Canadian government has shelled out some coin to accommodate cancer guns and crazed gynecologists. If that isn’t the life, what is anymore?

So go ahead and leave us if you don’t like us anymore, go hang out with your Ron Howards and Michael Bays. We’ll just mail your stuff back. It’s ok; it’s not you, it's me.

But don’t worry; we’ll take you back when you’re done with this “I’m a big boy director” phase. In the meantime “Long Live the New Flesh,” and that means you, Penny Marshall.

- Heather Buckley

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moderator As you addressing me? If so,
Debi Moore's picture

As you addressing me? If so, I think you misinterpreted my comment. I was referring to the "crime/thriller" realm of Eastern Promises and History of Violence and saying that I would NOT want him only staying in that realm -- or any other for that matter. His versatility is what I like most about him.

Submitted by Debi Moore on Thu, 02/19/2009 - 6:22pm.
Didn't See It Coming's picture

Take into account how quickly many directors that get their start in horror stop making horror altogether...Or start terrible movie studios that cater to horror.

Submitted by Didn't See It Coming on Thu, 02/19/2009 - 3:22pm.

Yeah, what a prick for making different kinds of movies rather than being a slave to his fans who are stuck in the fuckin 1980s.

Damn him for not making a horror movie after two mafia movies, especially considering he hasn't made a horror movie in OVER TWENTY YEARS and hasn't made a straight horror movie since The Fly...

Face it. The man is not, and never WAS just a horror director.

This article should maybe be retitled "What the fuck is wrong with ungrateful fans?"

Submitted by G.D. on Thu, 02/19/2009 - 3:10pm.

With all the horrible directors out there, it amazes me that anyone has a problem with Cronenberg. He brings interesting elements to everything he directs, and his track record is damn solid. Even lesser Cronenberg films are still okay, bordering on "good." At this point in his career, hasn't he earned any leeway with his fans? People don't trust him enough to make a good thriller with Academy Award winner, Denzel Washington? And seriously, what is wrong with making films with Washington? The man has been a part of some great films.

Cronenberg is an artist. He's never dabbled in big budget filmmaking before, something he might find as a new and interesting challenge. Making big budget films with "A"-list stars doesn't make a director a bad one. If it did, then I guess someone better start writing editorials on how Alfred Hitchock, Billy Wilder, John Huston, Martin Scorsese, David Lean, etc. need to be reevaluated.

There are tons of genres out there for directors to brings their talents to. If someone as good as Cronenberg typecasted himself into just doing horror films, I'd be disappointed. As stated already in the comments, Cronenberg realized he was starting to repeat himself and dropped out of the genre for the time being. I don't want a parody of Cronenberg just going through the motions because he's scared to step on the toes of some horror fans. I want Cronenberg to do what his artistic sensibilities tell him to do.

Submitted by What The Cat Dr... on Thu, 02/19/2009 - 3:08pm.
Heather Buckley's picture

I was told he is also directing the remake of "Newsies"...

Submitted by Heather Buckley on Thu, 02/19/2009 - 2:37pm.
RingoJ's picture

You're ok in my book.

Submitted by RingoJ on Thu, 02/19/2009 - 11:19pm.
Yay. Humor.
Heather Buckley's picture

Yay. Humor.

Submitted by Heather Buckley on Fri, 02/20/2009 - 2:24pm.

David Cronenberg stepped away from our preferred genre when he felt the script he was working on was a retread of things he had done in the past. I believe it was about a future where public plastic surgery was a replacement for sex. Once he lost his belief in it, he put it aside and *gasp* started trying something else. I applaud him for trying new things instead of just trying to muddle through that script and burning out on his own stuff. Besides the fact that History of Violence and Eastern Promises were great movies, I'm also interested to see what he's able to bring out of Cruise and Washington.

I do hope that his new novel will reignite those old creative juices a bit and he'll give us another deftly crafted sci-fi film to remember. He's still one of the best directors working today so it would be nice if he could give us another weird movie before he retires.

Submitted by David on Thu, 02/19/2009 - 1:50pm.
Sirand's picture

His last two films were some of the best of his career. Why does the man ONLY have to do horror? Why do some people expect only one thing out of an artist and then turn around and piss and moan when they decide to branch out?

Submitted by Sirand on Thu, 02/19/2009 - 1:49pm.

Got to agree with DSIC. I think some would argue that Cronenberg has been trying to go mainstream since he directed "The Dead Zone"- he's certainly made quite a few commercially viable films since then. And his last 2 'mobster' movies have been among the finest films he's done (he's been on a winning streak for a while now). He certainly hasn't lost his preoccupation with graphic violence or studies in abnormal psychology. I would welcome a return to horror, but just about everything he does is great. If there's anyone who could get me into a theater for a Tom Cruise flick, it's Cronenberg. Denzel Washington is a fine actor- I bet Cronenberg will get one of his best performances out of him, as he has with so many actors, while putting his own unique stamp on the material.

Submitted by xfoley8 on Thu, 02/19/2009 - 1:24pm.
Didn't See It Coming's picture

I'm sorry you feel that way. You know, completely irrational? Cronenberg is easily one of the best directors working today and also one of the most versatile. Kudos to him for working with good mainstream talent. There's nothing wrong with him wanting to work with actors on the A list. Way to overreact, though. It was entertaining.

Submitted by Didn't See It Coming on Thu, 02/19/2009 - 11:52am.

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