Starring Leo Gregory, Ian Saynor, Kristofer Dayne
Directed by Tony Jopia
Pain: noun – definition (which is actually condensed from three separate headings goes like this) – physical suffering or distress, a distressing sensation, or mental or emotional suffering or torment. Or I could go the short route and describe Dawning Of The Dead as more than likely to cause one or more of these sensations if you’ve got the dulled receptors in order to deal with this 103 minute debacle.
I mean, while this film was originally titled Apocalypse, I could have understood the bromidic banner, but at least it would’ve not sounded too terribly derivative. Now on the other mitt, we’ve got the new title that was apparently agreed upon in the hopes of drumming up an audience – and who knows, there still are legions of undead aficionados abound, and they’ll more than likely chew deep into the marrow of this one, but for this disconsolate dude, I wanted to run into a high-speed lane of opposing traffic 20 minutes into this mess. Focused majorly within the confines of a newsroom (as a focal point of sorts), the film tosses out every conceivable scrap of zombie trope there is, then sitting back to see which hungry souls will come a callin’. Reanimation viruses, rampaging hordes of the rotted populous, and a news-crew pulling together their resources in the hopes of escaping to much safer ground…yeah, let me know how that’s going to work out for you.
Acting? Postmortem at best (yes, I know bad pun and NO I don’t care) CGI spawned directly from the bowels of hell effectively f**ks up any waning hopes of realism, and a plot that is so freakishly bland, uninspired and ultimately yawn-inducing it’ll have you reaching for the fast forward button on your remote. Wanna come across with a new, fresh idea that’ll turn the zombie-world on its rotted ears and give its long-starving fans something to really chew on? Then don’t look the way of this film…PLEASE. I would really, truly and unequivocally love nothing more to offer you something along the lines of positive affirmation when Dawning Of The Dead comes up in possible future conversations, but let’s just hope that any future conversation keeps this garbage out of its yap-trap. HARD PASS ON THIS ONE.
Remember the good old days when zombie films kicked ass and left nothing to chance? Time sure flies, doesn’t it?