They’re Watching (2016)
Howard Gorman
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Starring Brigid Brannagh, David Alpay, Kris Lemche, Carrie Genzel
Directed by Jay Lender, Micah Wright
Approaching a film borne from the minds behind Call of Duty: Black Ops II and “SpongeBob SquarePants” had me intrigued but also silently skeptical. I mean, the thought of the world’s most notorious shower accessory crossing paths with the biggest selling first person shooter took almost as long to sink in as did the recent news of a Men in Black/Jump Street crossover.
With They’re Watching, writer/directors Micah Wright and Jay Lender certainly do their darnedest to try to play tired tourist terror tropes for grins with their mirthful spin on the faux schockumentary formula, but ultimately the jokes hit their targets less often than the A-Team hit theirs back in the day whilst the bipolar script makes it nigh impossible to get invested in the characters, let alone their dire straits.
Framed as an American home improvement TV show going by the name of “Home Hunters Global,” hosted by Kate Banks (Genzel), “contestant” Becky Westlake (Brannagh) packs her bags and heads off to a remote village in the Republic of Moldova with the intention of sprucing up an absolute hovel with the help of her partner, Goran (Cristian Balint), after being given the big sell by Vladimir (Dimitri Diatchenko), proud holder of a 5th degree black belt in the art of persuasion.
So the happy couple are left to their devices for a few months before, as is the case with TV tropes of this variety, the home improvement crew return to Moldova, this time with new hopeful, Sarah (Mia Faith), in tow, to find out just what Becky’s done with the place.
As we land in Moldova, in the film’s favor the found footage doesn’t feel overly “found” in the sense that the camera crew are no newbies and manage to keep the shakes to a bare minimum. Also, whilst the script leaves plenty to be desired, most of the cast put in acceptable performances, and in the case of the younger talent, Lemche (My Little Eye) makes the best use of the material provided. The pot is made much more sweeter thanks to the more veteran actors on the team – the charming local played by Diatchenko and the potty-mouthed host played by Genzel – with both involved in the film’s funnier moments such as a boozed-up singalong stomp with the locals and some in flagrante fornication.
But it’s not all fun and frolicsm and before the crew even make their way to the cabin in the woods, being the investigative reporters they are, their prying instincts get the better of them and they end up ticking off the locals when they film a religious ritual inside a local church. As you can imagine, it doesn’t end well, and things rapidly spiral downhill from thereon out–unfortunately not just for the characters, but for the film itself.
The main culprit is the fact that the script grows increasingly (and annoyingly) erratic and undisciplined as the movie plods on. Caustic horror comedies of this ilk need to make it blatantly clear where the filmmaker’s tongue is firmly positioned at all times, and although Wright and Lender had obvious designs to mix the ridiculous with the scary, when some later scenes drift into more dramatic waters, it becomes increasingly harder to fathom exactly how said scenes are supposed to be swallowed.
I’m all for a good bit of cheese and mush when necessary, but here it was executed in a surprisingly serious tone, or at least that’s how it came across. To make matters worse, one particular dramatic/sensual/sexual scene played out in exactly the wrong place at the wrong time, sapping out any relatability and, more importantly, any tension when everything does eventually hit the proverbial fan. By comparison, Willow Creek worked on a whole different level as Bobcat Goldthwait mustered the perfect balance between comedy and drama, making it impossible for us not to get sucked into the nightmare along with the “unhappy” camping couple.
Having said all that, when things turn sour after the malapropos mush, this reviewer suddenly got knocked for six by a riotous surprise. The only problem by this late stage in the proceedings was that the discordant drama that paved the way before it meant that the ensuing ridiculousness lost its stamina in a heartbeat and left me even more baffled as to whether or not the whole thing was meant to have been taken as one big farce.
Ultimately, They’re Watching left me with a bitter taste of shoddy cinéma vérité spoof in my mouth as it never really lays down all of its cards on the table. Don’t get me wrong. I hate any kind of cinematic spoon-feeding, but in this particular case, Wright and Lender fail to master the art of seamlessly blending horror, comedy, and drama, resulting in a disorienting and cumbersome viewing experience.
Warts and all, it’s not a terrible film but more of a missed opportunity and one of those films that’s still worth renting on a Saturday night with a bunch of friends and a six-pack of beer. You could even play a drinking game and down a shot each time Genzel blurts out an expletive. But expect to get seriously inebriated if you do.
They’re Watching is in theaters and on demand this March 25.
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Film
Categorized:Reviews
