Poltergeist Clown Attacks Dread Central HQ
Steve Barton
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It was an average day, in an average Southern California neighborhood. Kids were in school, birds were chirping, John Squires could be heard muttering something about Hellyfish while in the bathroom. All was right in the world. Then the bell rang.
On our doorstep sat a large brown cardboard box. Before taking it inside, I searched frantically for one of the elderly to come poke at it with a stick (this is a standard practice when something unknown shows up, so don’t judge us). Alas, we – or should I say I – was on my own. Squires refuses to come out of the bathroom, though his rants have changed from Hellyfish to him being “The Macho King,” Decker was still trying to get used to his new hair cut and couldn’t focus on anything else, Foy was out Squatchin’, Fini was trolling Yvonne Strahovski fan forums, Ted was shining his joystick, and Jon, KW, and Debi were out shopping for a new skull boiler as our old one had developed a strange film left behind due to a build-up of excessive adipose tissue.
I opened the box and there I was face-to-face with the stuff of nightmares…
John Squires, here. After lacing up the old boots and donning my sequined cape I came into the DC rec room and found Creepy’s Macbook open next to an empty box on the couch. He’s currently MIA. Please let us know if there are any sightings of him. Lazy prick. I can’t believe I have to finish his damned story. The man’s a slave driver. In any event, yeah, Poltergeist is set for release on May 22, 2015.
In the film, which is to be released in 3D, Jared Harris plays Carrigan, a larger than life TV personality who left the world of academia behind to become the star host of basic cable TV show “Haunted House Cleaners.” Sam Rockwell, Rosemarie DeWitt, Saxon Sharbino, and Jane Adams also star. Gil Kenan directs.
For more info visit the official Poltergeist website, “like” Poltergeist on Facebook, and follow Poltergeist on Twitter.
Synopsis:
Legendary filmmaker Sam Raimi (producer) reimagines and contemporizes the classic tale about a family whose suburban home is invaded by angry spirits. When the terrifying apparitions escalate their attacks and take the youngest daughter, the family must come together to rescue her.
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