This Day in Horror History: THIR13EN GHOSTS Opened in 2001
Mike Sprague
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On this day in horror history, Steve Beck’s remake of William Castle’s Thirteen Ghosts (also known as 13 Ghosts and THIR13EN Ghosts) with Tony Shalhoub, Matthew Lillard, Shannon Elizabeth, and F. Murray Abraham opened in 2001.
Here are the ghosts and their backstories from a DVD special feature: “Ghost Files”
The First Born Son: A ghost of a little bratty boy named Billy Michaels, who loved to pretend to be a cowboy. One day, another little kid challenged Billy to a duel, but Billy’s cap gun was no match for that boy’s real steel-tipped arrow that Billy’s ghost still carries. Unlike most of the ghosts, this one is a mild threat, never attacking anyone and just saying “I want to play.”
The Torso: Jimmy ‘The Gambler’ Gambino was a gambler in the early 1900s, who caught the attention of the Mafia. After he lost a boxing bet and didn’t have the money to pay up, the Mafia cut him into pieces and wrapped him in cellophane, dumping the remains in the ocean. His ghost appears as a torso with a severed head nearby and is more a neutral spirit than actively hostile.
The Bound Woman: Susan LeGrow was the richest girl in town and was very popular. Her one flaw was the way she toyed with boys and men. During her senior prom night, she was killed by a jilted ex named Chet Walters, a star quarterback, after catching her cheating. Her ghost lures Bobby into the dangerous basement and still shows in her prom attire, bound ropes holding her arms.
The Withered Lover: Jean Kriticos was a happy and devoted wife and mother. She died as a result of fire injuries at St Luke’s Hospital half a year before the events of the film begin. Unlike most of the ghosts, she is not dangerous; she is benevolent.
The Torn Prince: Royce Clayton was a gifted and famous teenage baseball player in the 1940s and ‘50s who caught the eye of colleges around the USA. Thanks to his challenger, a greaser who set him up, Royce died in an accident caused by cut brake lines. His remains are still buried at the baseball diamond, and his ghost carries his baseball bat.
The Angry Princess: Dana Newman was a beautiful but abused lady who lived in the later 1900s. She had plastic surgeries to alter her perceived flaws, and after a botched experiment that mutilated her eye, she brutally killed herself in a bathtub at the clinic. Her ghost often carries blood, is naked, and carries the same knife she used to commit suicide.
The Pilgrimess: Isabella Smith came to North America as a colonist in order to find a new life after being an orphan in England. The tight-knit community ostracized and ignored her and used her as a scapegoat, being accused of witchcraft when crops and animals mysteriously died. She denied such accusations, but she was trapped in a burning barn but managed to escape unharmed. That sealed her fate, and she died of starvation after being condemned to the pillory that she carries with her as a ghost; her skin is badly damaged.
The Great Child: Harold Shelburne was a special-needs man who never outgrew diapers and had to be spoon-fed even as a fully grown adult; he often made baby sounds. After being mocked, teased, and tormented relentlessly all his life, he caused a massacre at the old freak show where he and his mother, Margaret Shelburne, lived. Some of the freaks had kidnapped and killed his mother as a joke one night. The circus owner, Jimbo, had Harold mutilated beyond recognition. His ghost appears as Harold did in life, with a small patch of hair, a bib covered in vomit, and cloth diapers; he still holds the ax that he used to kill his enemies.
The Dire Mother: Margaret Shelburne, Harold’s mother, was a shy little lady, standing three feet tall. She never could stand up for herself. At the freak show where she lived, she was raped by the Tall Man, another circus freak, and gave birth to her illegitimate son Harold, whom she loved more than life itself. She smothered and spoiled him from infancy and never stopped as he grew; this is the main reason for Harold’s mental handicap. The two were abused to the point where Harold killed almost the entire circus after Margaret died. As ghosts, they remain together, with Harold being protective. Like The Torso, she is not aggressive.
The Hammer: A happy and honest family man and blacksmith, George Markeley was falsely accused of stealing by a higher-up named Nathan, and threatened with exile from their old Western town. George refused to leave, and his family was lynched by Nathan and his band of thugs while walking home from the town market one day. Seeking justice in the corrupt town, George took his blacksmith’s hammer and killed those responsible, but the townsfolk chained him to a tree and drove railroad spikes into his body. His left hand was cut off and his hammer was crudely attached to it. His ghost is one of the more angry spirits and is partially responsible for Dennis’ death.
The Jackal: Born to a prostitute in 1887, Ryan Khun developed a sick appetite for women, attacking and raping strays and prostitutes in the night. He voluntarily went to Borehamwood Institute for treatment to cure this problem, but the medical practices made him much worse, causing him to go completely insane after years of solitary confinement, having his head locked in a cage after breaking out of his straitjacket, and developing a hatred of humanity. When the asylum burst into flames, he chose to stay behind and perish in the fire. His ghost carries his torn straight jacket with the torn cubic head cage; it is called a sign of Hell’s Winter.
The Juggernaut: Horace ‘Breaker’ Mahoney was born very disfigured and was an outcast his entire life. His mother abandoned him at a tender age, and his dad put him to work in the junkyard, using his unusual strength to crush cars. After his dad died, Horace went insane: He would take motorists and hitchhikers, tear them apart with his bare hands and feed the remains to his dogs. After several of these murders, he was arrested. A SWAT team shot and killed him when he broke free of his handcuffs. As a ghost, he remained at the junkyard with his body riddled with bullet holes, killing intruders. Both Dennis and Cyrus remark that his kill count numbered in the 40s, making this ghost one of the most dangerous of the twelve.
The state-of-the-art remake of the classic William Castle horror film is about a family that inherits a spectacular old house from an eccentric uncle. There’s just one problem: the house seems to have a dangerous agenda all its own. Trapped in their new home by strangely shifting walls, the family encounters powerful and vengeful entities that threaten to annihilate anyone in their path.
Co-starring Embeth Davidtz, Alec Roberts, and Rah Digga, the film sports a 16% approval rating over on Rotten Tomatoes with a Critics Consensus that reads: The production design is first-rate, but 13 Ghosts is distinctly lacking in scares.
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