Doctor Gash and Ms. Vampy Bring You Some Good Luck Tips for a Bloody St. Patrick’s Day


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We had such fun bringing you our Valentine’s Day pointers that we, Doctor Gash (Scott Hallam) and Ms. Vampy (Brooke Lewis), have reunited to help you find some of that oh, so elusive good luck on St. Patrick’s Day.

First, Ms. Vampy provided us with four can’t miss tips on how to get lucky on St. Patty’s Day. And in a quest to turn absolutely everything horrific, Gash found a way to relate even the most positive self-help tips to your favorite horror movies.

Top o’ the mornin’ to ya!

Ms. Vampy’s Tip #1
CHOOSE IT-Our thoughts create our feelings, so choose and think your luck! Visualize it. Feel it. Law of Attraction it. Tell yourself how lucky you are!

Choose it, indeed. That’s great advice. If you see it, you can make it a reality. Such was the case for American Psycho‘s Patrick Bateman. He was a successful businessman and a stud with the ladies, even the ones he wasn’t paying. Sure, all that focusing and visualization may have been one of the factors that contributed to him cracking and becoming a sociopathic murderer, but then again, the seeds for that unfortunate turn were probably planted years before. If anyone knew how to picture it and make it happen, it was Patrick Bateman.

Ms. Vampy’s Tip #2
REPEAT THE PAST-Think about some of the luckiest times in your life, and repeat the steps it took you to get there. Lay the foundation. Do your homework. Prepare. Take action!

Again, Ms. Vampy hits it right on the head with another outstanding idea. What better way to create success than to remember what led you to previous successes and proceed thusly? But you have to be sure you are focusing on positive events from the past before you proceed because once you get in that mindset, it’s tough to break out of it. Jack Torrance found that out the hard way in The Shining when The Overlook Hotel decided to help Jack reenact the past. Although Jack just wanted to get through the winter and collect his caretaker’s money, the hotel was hoping for another round of murder and mayhem, this time by the hand of Mr. Torrance. Grady, Torrance, what’s the difference, right? If you can swing an axe, you’re a-okay to The Overlook and its ghostly residents.

Ms. Vampy’s Tip #3
LUCK BY ASSOCIATION-Surround yourself with lucky people. Surround yourself with successful people. Surround yourself with people who have what you want. Rub these people like you would a rabbit’s foot!!! 🙂

Success breeds success; this is absolutely true. And who better to show you the way to good luck and good fortune than someone who has managed to find their own way there? Sure, your path to good luck might not be the same as someone else’s, but just being with the right people is sometimes a big leg up. Unfortunately, as much as med student Mary Mason tried to surround herself with the best and the brightest in American Mary, things didn’t turn out like she was hoping. The surgeons she so looked up to turned out to be a bunch of shits, especially Dr. Grant (although he certainly got his comeuppance), and it wasn’t until Mary surrounded herself with a completely different group of people, the body modified, that she was truly elevated to a higher level. I think it was best said by a T-shirt in Walmart…You can’t soar with the eagles if you’re surrounded by turkeys. Ah, we find wisdom in the strangest places.

Ms. Vampy’s Tip #4
WORK FOR IT– Sometimes we create our “luck” with good old-fashioned hard work! Start that business, produce that movie, save your money for a trip to Italy. Luck will come because you made it happen!

Here’s a novel idea: work! Unfortunately in our society the idea of hard work to get ahead seems to be becoming an archaic theory, but indeed, there is no better recipe for success than some elbow grease and putting your nose to the grindstone (feel free to insert your own additional clichés here). The examples of this in horror are numerous. In The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, Drayton Sawyer kept his boys in line and with a little blood, sweat and tears turned himself into a chili cookoff champion. In Psycho, Norman Bates single-handedly ran a successful motel. Martin in Human Centipede 2 truly labored over his dream experiment, and Jigsaw from the Saw series certainly put all possible efforts into his work. But here we must recognize Oh Dae-su from Oldboy. He was imprisoned for 15 years but used that time to better himself. He came out as a lethal weapon. But then he was forced to jump through hoops to first figure out who his captor was, why he was imprisoned, and finally why was he released. Oh Dae-su certainly was a man who worked for it. Unfortunately, when he found what he was looking for, it completely broke him, but you know what they say… Be careful what you wish for!

Happy St. Patty’s Day, Dreadies! Hey, how did we get through this whole article without one mention of Leprechaun? What the hell?

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