Nurse Yourself to Attention With Our Top N.I.L.F.s
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The upcoming February 7th release of Nurse 3D, in select theaters and on demand (including iTunes), has everyone buzzing, and why not? With Paz de la Huerta and Katrina Bowden heating up the screen, how can you go wrong? To celebrate, we bring you Five Beautifully Broken Nurses.
Now, of course you have the standard fare, the all-star psycho nurses like Annie Wilkes in Misery, Nurse Ratched from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, everyone’s favorite nurse to hang around with in Halloween II, and that beastly bunch of corpse-like caregivers from Silent Hill. But we thought we’d go a bit off the beaten path on this one.
First, some honorable mentions. We’re going to categorize these nurses as NILFs, but we’ve got two different types of NILFs. We’ve got the traditional “Nurses I’d Like to… Fornicate” (with, haha!) and “Nurses I’d Like to Forget” for the really disturbing ones.
Who could forget that Victor Crowley’s mother was actually the nurse to Thomas Crowley’s ailing wife, Shyann, and after realizing that Thomas had an affair with her, Shyann slapped one doozey of a curse on her. This nurse seems up for the horizontal mambo so she qualifies as the good fornicating kind of NILF.
Metal goddess Mary “Nurse Hatchet” Madcox a/k/a Mixtress Demonatrix, who collaborates musically with Wild Bill Johnson (a/k/a Leatherface in TCM2), is another one that qualifies as the good kind of NILF indeed! Check her out, wow!
And although both of these ladies were technically closer to doctors than nurses, Mary Mason of American Mary looks great in scrubs, and Harley Quinn is quite the hottie in her nurse outfit in the Arkham video game series. All very, very intriguing NILFs!
Fornicating with them or forgetting them, it’s time to…
Elle Driver in Kill Bill: Vol. 1
If you want to talk about sexy nurses, and I mean real NILFs, look no further than Elle Driver. Of course we mean the drop dead sexy hitwoman played by Darryl Hannah in Kill Bill: Vol. 1. Elle was a real hottie, but when The Bride finally got around to dealing with her, she didn’t stand up too well. Driver (code name: California Mountain Snake) was a member of the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad and not really a nurse, but she wore the uniform so well. She had The Bride right where she wanted her and simply had to push the plunger of that syringe to finish her off. Oh well. What we can say is Elle Driver is by far the hottest character ever to appear on screen with an eye-patch…and the thigh-highs don’t hurt her look either! Va-va-va-voom!
Laura in “Holliston”
Laura isn’t that broken, but she’s seriously twisted. Seriously. There was a sequence in the extremely popular FEARnet show “Holliston” that featured a very sexy nurse. Laura (played by Laura Ortiz) is the cute, dark and quirky girlfriend of Joe Lynch on “Holliston,” and the show’s brilliant creator/writer/director Adam Green figured out a way to get Laura into an insanely sexy nurse’s outfit. As you can see by the photo below, there might not be a hotter nurse on this list than the lovely Laura. We’ve included a “Holliston” promo video with a scantily clad Laura with Green as well. “Holliston”… it just gives and gives and gives.
The Joker in The Dark Knight
In certainly one of the most horrific scenes in The Dark Knight, the Joker makes an appearance in the hospital to visit a newly scarred Harvey Dent, bringing about the maniacal Two-Face. To gain access to the hospital unseen, The Joker dons a nurse’s uniform. Apparently the green hair and pale white face won’t set off anyone’s radar as long as you’re wearing the proper scrubs. In Heath Ledger’s iconic performance as The Joker, one of the most memorable scenes is indeed this one where he appears as the nurse. “I’m an agent of chaos. And you know the thing about chaos…it’s fair.” We’re going to leave this one up to the ladies: Which kind of NILF is Heath Ledger’s Joker?
Freddy Krueger A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors and A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master
As we all know, Freddy Krueger can be anyone and anything he wants in the dreams of his victims. If this is true, you’d figure he might want to conjure himself up a better complexion, but that normally isn’t addressed. What is, however, is the fact that ol’ Freddy can turn himself into one damn sexy nurse. Check out the scene below. This one is the alternate cut as Freddy was actually nude for the scene that made the film. This was from Dream Warriors.
In The Dream Master Freddy shows up again as a caregiver, but not quite as hot this time. As you can see by the pic, it’s simply Robert Englund in drag. So we’ll call the nurse from Dream Warriors a really, really good NILF and the nurse from Dream Master a really, really bad one. Forget him, forget him, forget him…
Zombie Nurse-Dawn of the Dead
What a fantastic zombie she was! The Nurse Zombie from Dawn of the Dead, portrayed by Sharon Ceccatti-Hill, was so perfect with her robotic, nearly Thriller-esque walk and unmistakable squeaky clean white scrubs, she was immediately apparent in every scene she shuffled into. It would be hard to consider her an F’able nurse, though, as the looming fact that she’s much more interested in eating your flesh than jumping your bones would put a damper on the whole experience. And the necrophilia factor has to be considered as well…but still, you’ve gotta love her. She shows up in the video below at about the 7:00 mark, rated the Number 2 zombie in Dawn of the Dead, just after the Hari Krishna Zombie and behind only Stephen. Respect!
Nurse 3D Synopsis
Paz de la Huerta (HBO’s “Boardwalk Empire”) turns up the body heat in this wickedly entertaining story of a fatal attraction. By day, nurse Abby Russell (de la Huerta) lovingly attends to the patients at All Saints Memorial Hospital; by night, Abby prowls nightclubs, luring unfaithful men into dangerous liaisons. After Danni (Katrina Bowden), a young, sensitive nurse, joins the hospital staff, Abby pursues her friendship. But when the friendship turns to obsession, Danni spurns Abby, unleashing Abby’s fury and a rampage of terror.
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